h a l f b a k e r yMy hatstand runneth over
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Letting other employees and staff know whether you're doing well, or not so well, is simplified with UB Office Products' new range of office pyrotechnics.
When you're thinking and need to be left alone you perch The Thinker in each ear while they lets a simple trail of fine, wispy smoke out of your
ears.
When you've had a brilliant idea a small starburst rockets towards the ceiling and detonates in a shower of bright lights, to everyone's delight and amazement.
When you've cracked the Williams Account and made a million dollar sale there's the option of a fusillade of red, blue and green skybombs, with coloured smoke.
Of course, on the day you're fired you launch a rocket that arcs up to the ceiling then noses over and sputters to the floor, leaving a trail of thick, black smoke as it augers in.
[link]
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[Dripping water all over the keyboard] Dang, set off the smoke detectors again! |
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Just imagine what would happen upon a large coorporation 'downsizing'. Bun. |
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P.S 'augurs' isn't actually correct in that case, as the only way it can be a verb is when it means 'to be an omen' which doen't really fit. However, it does create a nice atmospheric ending, and no one but me would notice it anyway, as it sounds like it fits. |
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You could have Great White come in for a motivational speaking gig. |
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Was hoping this was a speedy means of memo delivery. |
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can I have one that gets my assistant off her fat behind and actually do some work? just asking... |
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got to bun this just for that image alone. |
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I used to know a gentleman who owned a pyrotechnics company, days at work in his warehouse were much like this. Everyone and his brother was asking him for a job. |
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You're right about augurs/augers. Sorry, "Act in haste, repent at leisure." |
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I thought the quote was "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"... |
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where's 1/4baker when you need him? |
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It is, [DC], but there's no law against paraphrasing. |
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Ahem, Paraphrasing Police here. Would you please step away from the keyboard and come along with us, sir? |
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And there'll be no more pyrotechnics from you today, I'm afraid... |
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102nd Guess Airborne, I presume? |
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"I love the smell of Office Pyrotechnics in the morning. It smells like .... creativity!" |
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<runs away and hides from the Paraphrasing Police, then realizes he just made them up> |
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Product warning label: Not for use by the oil, gas, and petrolium industry. Ear thinkers should not be inserted into nostrils or used while thinking in enclosed spaces. The FAA has determined that having a brilliant idea while in an airplane can cause sudden loss of cabin pressure. |
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These things are a lawsuit waiting to happen. [+] |
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Schedule the Great White pep concert somewhere off-site. Rhode Island, maybe... |
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That's what you get for using full-sized fireworks inside. ;) |
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