h a l f b a k e r y
My hatstand runneth over
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There have been calls for cubicle
crenellations and modern moats, so this
may be a derivative idea. But.
I'm just back from Brittany, where anyone
who was anyone (and many people who
weren't) built themselves a fortified
They don't build them like that, but why
major company in every major
city tries to build itself a taller, shinier or
just odder skyscraper. The objective is not
to accommodate their staff as efficiently as
possible, but to make a grand statement
that speaks of their affluence. However,
the end result is always just a slightly
taller or curvier glass and steel structure
which, at the end of the day, look like it
was put together from large Ikea
components. Within three years, tbe
neighbours will build something slightly
taller or curvier, and the effect is lost.
Castles are grossly inefficient and
uneconomic. Their immensely thick
granite walls are nightmarishly expensive
to produce, and the use of floor space is
abysmal. Gargoyles, pinnacles, stone-
mullioned windows and intricately carved
furbelines can only be created by vast
teams of ludicrously expensive craftsmen
at great expense.
What better way, therefore, to advertise
your corporate wealth? Instead of a giant
oblate-spheroid greenhouse with
elevators on the outside, build a city-
block-sized castle with a courtyard, six-
foot-thick granite walls and all the
trimmings! Imagine the psychological
impact on your competitors, and on
potential customers, when a fanfare from
the tabbard-wearing security guards
announces the lowering of the drawbridge
for the going-home procession at the end
of the working day!
(?) Pimp my cubicle
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jun 15 2008]
Evil Genius Contracting Company
No job too large ... [8th of 7, Jun 16 2008]
[hippo, Jun 16 2008]
||[+], apart from the slight concern that it might encourage megalomania in senior executives.
||Suitably equipped dungeons with flickering torches, for the storage of maidens, one presumes ?
||The thought of the average corporate accountant practising phrases such as "I like a girl with spirit" and "You're a pretty little thing, aren't you ?" is most amusing.
||A moat. There must be a moat, dotted with the bloated remains of former salespersons, each with a sign reading, "Fayledd To Mete Thee Monthlie Targett" around their neck ....
||Anyone using the word "Leveraged" will be put to the Rack in Ye Olde Dungeon, to be taught what leverage can really do.
||I misread the end of your second line as "...fortified chapeau" which might be the budget version of this idea.
There's a fantastic arts-and-crafts
faux-medieval castle near Cardiff which was built by someone who's name I can't now remember - he was at that time the world's richest man though. It wasn't his office building, but it served the same purpse as this which was to communicate to his competitors how much of a grande fromage he was.
||//Anyone using the word "Leveraged" will
be put to the Rack in Ye Olde Dungeon//
Only if there's enough room - people who
say "repurposed" take priority.
||//Anyone using the word "Leveraged" will be put to the Rack in Ye Olde Dungeon// - possibly a job for (shameless plug) the Metaphor Actualisation Agency (link).
||I build castles out of boxes here. The "lets build a fort" mentality...
||Next time I use any corporate phrase, such as "at the end of the day" I will spell it medieval-like. "Att ye ende of ye deighe"
||This could add a whole new dimension of interest to the rarified world of corporate wheeler-dealing; if "hostile takeover" really does mean besieging one's opponent, rather than just being a metaphor, and "leverage buyout" is much more entertaining because the actual lever in use is the swing arm of a trebuchet ...... luvverley !
||The defenders, of course, will no doubt pour boiling coffee from the ramparts, and have a vicious arsenal of rapid-firing automatic staplers .......
||And the governement gets a new revenue stream - sale of licences to crenellate.
||If you crenellate in here, you'll clean it up yourself.
||Besides, it makes you go blind, you know.