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Men involved in the sport of diving off of a board sometimes encounter the problem of "package smackage" when diving into the water, especially during back and reverse head-first entries. A small piece of sponge or neoprene like material inserted in the front of the bathing suit would dissipate the
impact of the water and reduce the pain.
Darwin Awards
http://www.darwinawards.com
As if you didn't know... [shonmao, Oct 04 2004]
[link]
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Maybe strap on a metal shield shaped somewhat like the prow of a boat? It could even have a name on it, like "HMS Package" |
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Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. HMS Penis Envy seems more appropriate. |
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"package smackage". Classic. |
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Wouldn't the larger package create more drag, interfering with the smoothness of your passage through the water? I already have this problem. |
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It could act as a good counter balance to aid in better executed diving though. Or at least, thats what I notice. |
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You could just stick a cricket 'box' down there. |
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blissmiss's next invention is an instrument to measure the splash size, possibly involving a series of cats placed in differing proximity to the pool. |
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For diving? Just learn to do it right. Now water polo, I could see where that might be useful. Problem is that most forms of padding are going to absorb water and create drag, and aren't going to be that effective anyway. |
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//I already have this problem//
Yeah, dragging an anchor around not only slows me down, it's painful. |
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(Having 'Modern Problems' flashback) |
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I guess - under the auspices of personal protection - I can let this one slide. I'd be surprised if padded swimsuits didn't exist, though. And this idea is likely to start an escalation of padding at the local pool. |
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Yeah, [po], you know... like the false norks some underendowed women wear to make the goods look bigger and fresher. Like oversized plums, they rarely measure up when you give 'em a squeeze. |
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[pottedstu], mumps can be a bitch when you get them as an adult, eh? |
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I was guessing genital warts. |
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<giggles at UnaBubba's description of faux norks...> |
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Croissanted for 'package smackage'... |
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// Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. HMS Penis Envy seems more appropriate // |
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Um, is this a response to me, or . . . what, exactly, TW? |
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THIS IS GREAT IDEA! ive never got a "package smackage" (thats classic) from diving myself but it would make it look bigger... not that i need that thou... nope not at all... *whispers*"sign me up for five from first shipment" =) |
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Given the sheer quantity of situations that can lead to injury of the male reproductive organs, one has to wonder why codpieces ever went out of style. |
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It's not spoken of in polite circles, but soldiers often lose their tackle in explosions. Anything that dangly is fairly easily torn off by the initial blast wave. The man survives, but the family jewels are never seen again. |
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The Darwin Awards book has an entire chapter of stories about men who lose the family jewels in moronic ways--yes, I'd say it's a common problem. |
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I've been sacked in water polo, hurt like crazy, but thats
the game, could be useful. However Package
smackage...thats grounds for a croissant |
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Don't you just wish that term would make it into the language, intact? |
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Could we never use the phrase "package smackage" again? |
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+ just for starting this topic. |
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Hmm.. you'd become known as an ostrich- rather than just a budgie- smuggler. |
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Presumably, for use on the beach: what are you protecting them from, exactly? |
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Dub: /on the beach: what are you protecting them from exactly?/ |
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package sharkage. Never seen Jaws? |
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I don't see why we haven't got these already. Ladies have them, without much water absorbtion problmes that I can see, and their "packages" don't have quite as much of a problem with smackage... Except when god's gift to women shows up. |
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Might I suggest a supercavitation device - it would "blow" bubbles around your package - reducing drag. The military is experimenting with supercavitating torpedos now - supposedly they can break the sound barrier underwater. Perhaps it could be marketed as the "Speedo Torpedo". |
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