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Insert horsehoe through first belt loops on either side of fly.
Instead of a belt insert this horseshoe through the first front
pantsloops, or two at the back and cinch your pants. Insert it upside
down and you'll be lucky if your pants don't fall down.
||If anyone wants to attempt an American Psycho style run down of the ins and outs of pants horseshoes - what they should be made of, what they should and should not be worn with, whether Paul Owen's pants horseshoe is or is not better than Bateman's own - I will be all eyes.
||All of my pants are elasticated, but I can see how this would possibly work with a pair of trousers.
||Well, ahem, pants horseshoes are elongated U shaped
curves of bent iron or substitute metal that are replicas
of the hoof nailed originals of yesteryear, that would be
analogous to car tires today, or chains in a closer analogy
on winter tires. The horseshoe, when worn on the front
of trousers is fed through two belt loops then turned so
the belt loops are drawn together. The horsehoe then
serves to frame and accentuate the groin, but the two
ends of the horseshoe create an opening unobstructive
to the penis and testicles, so is suitable for kilt wearers,
and allows the fly on trousers to be
accessed without hinderance. Of course, the horseshoe
can be worn upside down, as a common symbol for good
luck, but ironically it is more likely to fall from the
loops. The pants horseshoe can also be worn as a belt
buckle on a specialty belt with its own loops, and draws
these together instead of the pants loops. To remove
the pants horseshoe simply turn it, or pull upwards on it
for quick release of your trousers. In the rivalry between
Paul Owen and Bateman, they chose a horseshoe duel,
whereby on the churchbell's final gong at highnoon, they
each pulled their horseshoes dropping their trousers,
and throwing for eachother's floozie induced erections.
Bateman was determined the master horseshoe thrower.
The loser of the duel, now impotent from his wounds,
Owen, conceded to master Bateman the winner, spit
erection in his honour.
||I said I _can_ see how this would work. Thanks anyway.
||Two birds hit with a single stone, one bird is only
mildly ruffled, the other is stunned by a beautiful