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Once again, a cat has left it's smelly mark in m yard. It has come and gone, traveling on a protected feline-fast lane. The cat-conveyance of choice in our neighborhood is the fencetop, with nearly fifteen centimeters of clearance, it connects thousands of meters worth of walkways, allowing our semi-domesticated
animals access to hundreds of yards without ever having to brave the potential ravages of front yards, streets, cars, or animal control officers.
Due to the sleek nature of these beasts, and their utility in hunting down gophers and lizards from my yard, I do not wish to eradicate them. However, I wish I could be compensated for the time and effort I must spend in cleaning my yard, my shoes, and sometimes even my bare feet.
Thus, I propose to place toll boths on this cat-conveyance. Most of our nation's felines are equipped with internal RFID chips, installed by humane societies and animal shelters across the nation. We need only to install RFID sensors at the corners of our fences (Where the cats ascend and descend with stunning regularity) With these in place, we can then detect the creatures as they come and go, and use the unique Identichip characteristics to determine the owner, and impose our fee for the use of our section of the suburban superhighway which felix domesticus makes use of.
WAT THE HEK UNABUBBA IZ REFURRIN TO
http://lolsecretz.blogspot.com/
[normzone, Dec 28 2007]
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How would you enforce this? |
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gotta tell ya, we have 4 of the beggers (not particularly by choice) and I have no problems with cat scat, they usually head into the treeline... *so*, I'm gonna suggest alternatively and with no clue as to whether it will work, that you make a small patch of yard a sandbox and inform children of welcome visitors that it's a cat-box. |
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// How would you enforce this? // |
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10 Gigawatt plasma cannon. |
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Link a Cat RFID scanner to a GPS system. Monitor movement within your yard using a complex computer algorithm that takes into consideration long pauses associated with cat crappage. Use resultant alarm to trigger high-tech security camera which catches poopage in progress. Send picture along with cleanup bill to owners. |
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Sounds like cleaning the cat poo is YOUR tax for keeping your yard clear of gophers and lizards. |
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//camera angle sounds good, but these are often not triggered by slow movements// |
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I don't know that the high tech GPS system need be included. The RFID sensor could turn on the cameras. If it's a whole yard picture thing, you could just adjust the recording legth until you catch them in the act. IF you prefer some other system, motion detection software is probably almost up to the task. A little user-programming might be enough to do the trick. |
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As for enforcing, cats appear to have a rather fixed routine. Just let the animal control guy know a bit ahead of time, and let them in. The cat is "wandering" off it's owner's property. That'll tax the owner, although you won't get much profit out of it. To get money, you would need to request a reasonable cat-box usage fee, in exchange for not letting the pound impound the animal. |
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A tax on pussy? About time, too! |
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You want to get paid for cleaning up cat poop out of your own front yard? Just to put things into perspective, people don't get paid for shoveling their driveways off whenever Spaghetti Monster mysteriously craps out 10 inches of snow, so why should people get paid for shoveling something much smaller than that out of their front yards? |
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I IZ TAKIN POOP IN UR HEDGE! |
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// why should people get paid for shoveling something much smaller than that out of their front yards // |
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Because snow is just frozen water, it looks decorative in some circumstances, it doesn't smell, stick to the sole of the shoe, or carry disease to any significant extent - unlike cat excrement. |
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[UB] alt: IM IN UR YARD, RAISIN UR INCUM. |
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The one drawback I can see in this is that if you start to penalise cats for pooping, then you will just drive the poopers underground. |
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Why do I have this strange feeling that [8/7] was Douglas Adams's model for Svlad Cjelli / Dirk Gently? |
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// drive the poopers underground // |
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[UB], he only met us once ... must have made a lasting impression ..... |
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Us? You're a compound personality? |
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// compound personality // |
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You mean, made of seperate bits that don't stick together very well ? |
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Yeah, that would about cover it. |
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//You want to get paid for cleaning up cat poop out of your own front yard?// |
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Well, my idea was more intended for use in the back yard. In the front, one can reasonably expect animals of all kinds to be roaming about, and one can also reasonably hope for aminal control to impound those animals. |
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In the back yard, only animals capable of getting over or under fences should be expected, and animal control will not come unless invited to do so. |
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I suppose if you or elf has a fenced in front yard it could be applied there equally well. |
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It is true that the cats provide me with a service in exchange for leaving their excrement on my yard. However, my neighbor's dogs scare away burglars for me, thus providing me with a service, and by law, they must be kept on a leash whenever they are on my property, and the owner must clean up their feces. |
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Surely the service of keeping burglars away is more valuable than the service of keeping gophers and lizards away. Surely also then, the law of cleaning up after one's dog should be extended to cleaning up after one's other pets. After all, animal feces can contain E-coli, Toxoplasmosis, and other unpleasant diseases. |
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So, what's to stop you from kidnapping your neighbor's cat and then force-feeding it burrito$ so it $hits in your yard bigtime? |
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[qf], you are aware that the S key and the $ key are not interchangeable, aren't you? |
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<points at [qf]> Gollum ! Gollum ! |
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Nothing precious around here to attract them, [8th]. |
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As if there's something wrong with forcefeeding cats burritos to make a profit... |
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I guess the main thing to stop me would be the fact that I forsee a reasonable tax per cat crap as not being enough to pay for the burritos used to cause it. |
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//Spaghetti Monster mysteriously craps out 10 inches of snow// Hey! I'll not have you disparaging His Great And Wonderful Noodliness! You will respect the weather given to you by His Greatness. |
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