Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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QUIT!... With Love.

 You can do it, too.
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Roland heard the van pull up on his driveway and started towards the door.

Letting the crew into his house, he was trembling with excitement. He ushered them to his lounge whilst babbling about coffee and how he hadn't been near a tobacco product in three days.

They never sat in his lounge. They simply steered Roland towards his bedroom, stripping his clothes from him as they went.
"Man, these babes are hot!", thought Roland, as his Bugs Bunny satin boxers were torn from his slightly overweight body.
"Well, not that overweight, I can stand to lose a few pounds, sure, but it's not that bad", he thought.

After filming had finished, Roland followed them wistfully to the door. The name of the movie was going to be "The Bonely Guy", he had overheard.

Roland stood to make $50,000 from the deal, provided he quit smoking entirely. His neighbour, Nancy, had put him in touch with the nice folks at QUIT!... With Love. They had done an extensive assessment program, finding that Roland's greatest fantasy was to star in a porn movie. The proceeds of the movie would be split with Roland, if he stayed away from smoking altogether.

Funny, Nancy had started looking a lot like a fairytale princess, even sporting a new wardrobe and a tiara wherever she went, these days. Roland was sure he had seen her on Candid Camera, wearing her new getup, just yesterday. Nancy was sort of sweet, but dipsy, in a nice kind of way.

The business development manager from QUIT! had told him they had even cured one guy whose fantasy was to be frozen almost to death, and revived. That one had gone to a "reality" TV program. Most reality TV was the work of QUIT!, it seemed; including police and medical shows.

What the hell, it seemed to be working. They would be back for another scene tomorrow.

—UnaBubba, Oct 02 2003

[link]






       Any plans to expand the list of vices?
—Tiger Lily, Oct 02 2003
   

       I thought I had covered that in the text? Oops, that's better.
—UnaBubba, Oct 02 2003
   

       Shouldn't that be Candida Camera?
—Avendra, Oct 02 2003
   

       Nancy isn't into all that stuff. She's a 54-yr-old virgin spinster.
—UnaBubba, Oct 02 2003
   

       So Nancy wanted to be Snow White?
—Avendra, Oct 02 2003
   

       Nancy is a nancy.
—FarmerJohn, Oct 02 2003
   

       I'm really considering that "Queen of Everything" format, I've just never had a vice before... do they hurt?
—Tiger Lily, Oct 02 2003
   

       Vices only hurt if they develop a grip on you.
—Avendra, Oct 02 2003
   

       Or fall from ten stories.
—FarmerJohn, Oct 02 2003
   

       explain please blissmiss- I'm new,virginal,pure,white as the driven snow- to the bakery I mean.
—Avendra, Oct 02 2003
   

       Welcome to the bakery, virgin. The sacrifice line is to your right.
—FarmerJohn, Oct 02 2003
   

       Thankee FarmerJohn. I promise not to drag my ass- or anyone else'sfor that matter.
—Avendra, Oct 02 2003
   

       You're right, I should really be studying for exams next week. catch you guys later.
—Avendra, Oct 02 2003
   

       Nancy is into rubber-stamping, hand-painted cherubs and petty point embroidery. She also bakes a mean apple teacake.
—UnaBubba, Oct 02 2003
   

       Looks like you took a little time to look around and see the nature of how things work here, Avendra. Good work, you're many points up on me already.
—Eugene, Oct 02 2003
   

       And the amazing thing is that the HMO's will pay 56% of the fee as thier return is much greater in this arena.
—Zimmy, Oct 02 2003
   

       What if your greatest fantasy was to smoke 1000 cigarettes?
—hippo, Oct 03 2003
   

       Then you'd be a sad, sorry git with no future.
—UnaBubba, Oct 03 2003
   

       [MB]: 1,000 fags simultaneously = the Mother of all smoke rings.   

       What if your greatest fantasy were to abuse every known vice?
—Utah, Oct 03 2003
   

       Nice one, Bubba!
—Pericles, Oct 04 2003
   

       Okay, okay, I admit it. I'm a 4 pack a day smoker and I need some help.
—half, Oct 04 2003
   

       And you deign to call ME a liar.
—bristolz, Oct 04 2003
   

       Heh. Busted. You're right. It's only 3 packs a day. So, can you help me?
—half, Oct 04 2003
   

       Maybe 3 packs of lies . . . .
—bristolz, Oct 04 2003
   

       Well, it was worth a shot. That's a "no" then?
—half, Oct 04 2003
   

       Yes.
—bristolz, Oct 04 2003
   

       Thank you, [conscience].
—half, Oct 04 2003
   

       There is no conscience; merely the fear of being caught.
—UnaBubba, Oct 04 2003
   

       I'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for that meddling kid.
—half, Oct 04 2003
   

       ha.
—po, Oct 04 2003
   

       _lf
—UnaBubba, Oct 04 2003
   

       that would be telling.
—po, Oct 04 2003
   

       I very nearly joined the alternative group, "QUIT...with hate" the other day. The driver of the minivan in front of me flicked a cigarette butt out the window, and I almost rammed them before I got control of myself.
—Eugene, Oct 05 2003
   

       You should read the book "Sick Puppy," [Eugene]. I think you'd like it.
—bristolz, Oct 05 2003
   

       Did it have some clay wrapped around it, [Eugene]?
—UnaBubba, Oct 05 2003
   
      
[annotate]
   


 

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