Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Recipes for the Drunk

...or otherwise inebriated
  (+28, -3)(+28, -3)(+28, -3)
(+28, -3)
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A set of books akin to the type given to young children: water... er, fluid-resistant paper, thick pages, spiral bound; but in particular, large, clear lettering. One recipe per book, and one very simple instruction per page. For example:

+ FIND SOME FLOUR

+ FIND A CUP MEASURE

+ FILL CUP MEASURE WITH FLOUR

...et cetera.

Further to this, there is a small coloured tab in the corner of each page. The tab is light sensitive and gradually changes colour as it is exposed, so as to help you remember if you only just turned the page or not.

Finally, any part of the recipe requiring a timer (for example, the cooking part) has, embedded in the page, a small electronic timer for exactly that purpose. Drunk people shouldn't have to time things themselves, especially where ovens may be involved.

Detly, Jan 15 2005

Don't Drink and Fry http://www.st-andre...ice_safety/dont.htm
Post-pub danger. [oneoffdave, Jan 17 2005]

Drunk Chef http://www.drunkchef.com/
Overestimating the mental and physical dexterity of the inebriated since 2004. [calum, Jan 17 2005]

[link]






       i was so drunk last night I baked a cake. doesn't sound right somehow. i think the recipes of the drunk would really be filled with disgustingly greasy concoctions that sounded like a good idea at the time ie bacon, peanut butter and potato chip toasted sandwiches.
benfrost, Jan 15 2005
  

       That's not to say I wouldn't wake up the next day and stare in utter bafflement at the biohazard that, in the early hours of that same day, looked like a gourmet self-saucing lemon pudding.
Detly, Jan 15 2005
  

       Have you met [skin]? It seems ya got some things in commem.
blissmiss, Jan 15 2005
  

       There was something a little like this on the tv years ago. It was a cookery programme hosted by a couple of students in a grubby student kitchen. They came on at around three a.m. and explained how to make munchies and simple meals in five minutes when confronted with only a tin of beans, an egg and an old shoe. They seemed to be high on something or other, but maybe that was the eye of the beholder.
wagster, Jan 15 2005
  

       "It's a good book, but you really have to be stoned to enjoy it."
robinism, Jan 15 2005
  

       My flatmate cooked whilst drunk one night. He served us boiled knives.
[ sctld ], Jan 15 2005
  

       A friend of a friend once took amphetamines because he wanted to get the redecoration of his kitchen finished quicker...
prufrax, Jan 15 2005
  

       Perhaps there is a T.V. Show in the works: “Delicacies for the Drunk.”   

       Today’s show is ‘Spaghetti, the food that looks the most interesting after you vomit it back up’. But first our sponsor: Sidmak Laboratories Inc, the maker of Antabuse.
Aegir, Jan 15 2005
  

       Uurgh.
wagster, Jan 15 2005
  

       Write companion recipes to get your vomit to be tye-dye colors, and just serve them before you start drinking.
Letsbuildafort, Jan 15 2005
  

       Heh, heh, why not bung a bun this way [+] hi, LBF.
skinflaps, Jan 15 2005
  

       The last thing you need is more drunk people cooking. coming back fromn the pub and into the kitchen is the leading cause of house fires in the UK.
oneoffdave, Jan 17 2005
  

       Interesting, that the safety warning [dave] linked is on a student website, which, now that I think about it, ties in with the frenzy of sirens and fire and hoses that occurs every September in this University Town.
calum, Jan 17 2005
  

       That was the only non-pdf site I could find, but it's common across all UK fire services. This and the 'prank' of setting off the fire alarm are the usual reasons to the student related fire activity.
oneoffdave, Jan 17 2005
  

       Actually, the leading causes of fire-alarms in Edinbrugh University halls last year included burnt toast, candles, and deoderant and other aerosols. Hypersensitive detectors they have.
[ sctld ], Jan 17 2005
  

       The only recipe I'd need when I'm drunk is "Open bag of bread. Eat." I really wouldn't trust myself or anyone else with cutlery, fire, and using an oven while under the influence. Bread is all I can stomach when I'm drunk, anyway.
Machiavelli, Jan 17 2005
  

       [oneoffdave] I like the way that first link says that a post-pub attempt to cook "normally results in a fire scenario".
hippo, Jan 18 2005
  

       \\He served us boiled knives.\\ This is evidence for why you should be able to bun annotations.   

       Judging by all the health warning perhaps we should start building ovens that require a breathalyser tesst to be used.
hidden truths, May 15 2005
  

       + This is excellent and can be used for those with dementia, also!
xandram, Oct 17 2012
  

       1- Pick up phone   

       2- Dial Domino's pizza... that's right, dial Domino's pizza...one number at a time.. ok start over... 246..   

       3- Ok, dial the operator and have her put you through to Domino's pizza. Push 0... that's 0 on the phone. 0 on the phone. Push 0.   

       4- Try clicking the receiver a couple of times, like in the movies. See if that works.
doctorremulac3, Oct 17 2012
  

       [+]   

       For those of us who prefer to derive pleasant levels of inebriation via means other than alcohol, the books should be constructed of flame-resistant materials. This would also benefit folks who, like [The Alterother], are a little too comfortable around fire and are therefore prone to occasional combustible mishaps even when stone cold sober.
Alterother, Oct 17 2012
  

       I would build this as a sturdy kitchen kiosk. That way questions of page-turning could be avoided. It could even have different modes from "I'm just a little buzzed, give me the recipe" to " wassat?"
Voice, Oct 17 2012
  
      
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