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Sanitary Claus

A commodious idea
  (+6)
(+6)
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New for the 2018 festive season, BorgCo is proud to present an innovative novelty for those who have had any taste or aesthetic sense surgically excised.

Envious of your neighbour's knitted toilet roll cover with an elf on the top ?* Well why not go one better ? Sanitary Claus is a purpose-designed adornment for a w.c. pedestal, lovingly and individually hand-crafted in genuine artificial simulated plastic-effect, by starving, uneducated children working in totally unsafe and brutally repressive conditions verging on slavery, in a far-away hot country with a very poor human rights record, and taking the form of a much larger-than-life jolly bearded Santa seated in a large chair.

The unit is proportioned so that an adult sitting on the figure's "lap" would appear to an observer** to be child-sized. In fact, the lap contains the seat of the w.c. so the user can answer the call of nature while apparently being embraced by an elderly bearded stranger.

If anyone can work out why we thought this was a good idea, please tell us.

*If you are, you have a serious mental health issue and should seek professional help without delay.

**If you are comfortable with being watched when doing your business while sitting on Santa's knee, you have gone well beyond "mental health issues" into the realm of "sick, weird, and possibly more deserving of pity than condemnation"

8th of 7, Dec 04 2018

[link]






       You've missed the big market - inflatable sex-Santas.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 04 2018
  

       Possibly the most damning indictment of the human race is that there is almost certainly a market for this.
Skewed, Dec 04 2018
  

       We fear you are correct, [Skewed].
8th of 7, Dec 04 2018
  

       + for the name
xenzag, Dec 04 2018
  

       According to my sources (the Diskworld) small children + too much excitement = Santa getting a wet lap anyway, so it's not that bizarre.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 04 2018
  

       Small children are notorious for a lack of sphincter control in a whole range of common circumstances; but this product is intended for the whole family. And visitors.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2018
  

       HO HO HO...Swish!
blissmiss, Dec 05 2018
  

       "Swish !" ?
8th of 7, Dec 05 2018
  

       At first glance, I read that as "inflatable sex-Satans", which might actually be more popular…
notexactly, Dec 06 2018
  

       You reckon ? Well, we already have the dies and the tooling ... easy enough to modify them. How many do you want ?
8th of 7, Dec 06 2018
  

       Whoosh? Swish? I dunno, what does your potty say when you flush it? Or am I on the wrong idea again?
blissmiss, Dec 07 2018
  

       You missed the "Gurgle"
Skewed, Dec 07 2018
  

       My toilet makes a unique noise every time, somehow. For a while I've wanted to start recording them, but I've never gotten around to building a recorder for it. (Not a recorder that would be attached to the toilet or otherwise mounted in the bathroom, mind you, because then other people might think it was recording the sounds of them using it, for creepy purposes.)
notexactly, Dec 07 2018
  

       // I've wanted to start recording them, //   

       Did you chew your lead soldiers as a child ?   

       // but I've never gotten around to building a recorder for it. //   

       That's very probably a good thing for you, and anyone else who might be involved.   

       // creepy purposes //   

       When you think of a non-creepy purpose for recording anyone's toilet noises, be sure to post it here. It's just possible that there's someone in South Asia doing research into this, for serious non-creepy purposes, but we consider it unlikely.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2018
  

       Good thing I only want to record the toilet's own noises, with the recording initiated by the person flushing it, then.
notexactly, Dec 09 2018
  

       Along with the audio system, you should set up a camera to snap the expression on visitors faces when you politely request that they activate the recorder just before flushing ...
8th of 7, Dec 09 2018
  
      
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