h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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Analysis of a vast number of images has made it possible
to
calculate that the average colour of the universe is
taupe.
However, as far as I am aware, nobody has yet
determined
the average flavour of the universe. It should be
possible
to do this.
Of course, a lot of the universe
is either vacuum (which
is,
at best, rather bland). And a lot more of it is either
hydrogen or helium, both of which are (I think) tasteless.
Howevertheless, spectroscopic analysis has revealed
large
quantities of simple organic compounds (such as
ethanol),
inorganic salts and so forth.
It should, therefore, be possible to determine - and
recreate - the average flavour of the universe.
Obviously,
it will probably be like chicken, but I think we should
know
for sure.
http://naturalscien...we-know/raspberries
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 30 2015]
[link]
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This idea is in very poor taste. |
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Incidentally, the intercalary did once make an
attempt to determine the average flavour of all life
on earth. He managed to blend representative
samples of 4,513 species (which, in turn, had been
chosen as representative of their group) into a sort of
grey paté which, he claimed, tasted just like a
Mohito. |
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However, I strongly suspect that he merely
substituted a Mohito for the blend at the final step. |
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Which reminds me: Sturton says to tell you 'Yes, they
are flammable and yes, it does hurt.' He said you'd
know what he was talking about. |
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//vacuum (which is, at best, rather bland) |
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Oh, come now. Which of us has not put his tongue in
the nozzle of a Hoover? |
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I said: "Which of us has not..." Oh bugger. |
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//average flavour// would that be mean, median or mode? |
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I mean mean. So, mass-averaged. |
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Some parts of the universe are moving pretty fast - so will the mass measurement be adjusted for relativistic effects? |
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Would the universe be served at its ambient temperature?
That's something less than 3 Kelvin I believe. Might need
some more background microwave radiation to warm it up a
tad. |
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("Flash a-ah
Savour of the Universe
Flash a-ah
He'll savour every one of us") |
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This needs a number set for flavour, deep learning algorithms and, of course, probes to touch all the universe's corners. |
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//Flavour itself is pretty bland. Smell actually makes
up a great deal of the sense of taste.// |
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Uh, that's farce-about-ace. Flavour is the
combination of taste (on the tongue, which has
tastebuds, not flavourbuds) and smell. |
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Vision is secondary to imagination and expectation. |
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I think what's happening here is overthinking. What
I'm saying is: we take everything in the universe and
put it in a blender. Then we put some of it on a
spoon and into a mouth. What does it taste like? |
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It would will be haven't. |
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// we take everything in the universe and put it in a blender. // |
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// What does it taste like? // |
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Not really, more of a preparation process ... Haute Cuisine meets Astrophysics ... |
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If you put everything in the blender, obviously it would taste
like blender bits. Because in order to put everything in the
blender, the blender itself would have to be in it. Which
would mean you'd need a bigger blender for that, ad
infinitum. And why isn't the mouth in the blender? |
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Or maybe it would taste like turtles, with a hint of
elephant. |
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This makes me wonder if the pH of the Universe is neutral. I
think it must be highly acidic because of all the hydrogen
ions, and therefore I would expect it to taste lemony. |
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//all the hydrogen ions// |
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Well, technically not. If there are lots of free
protons floating around, there ought to be lots of
spare electrons in a box somewhere, probably in
the attic. Unless the universe has a net charge. |
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However, you have just made me realise that
protons taste lemony (well, acidic anyway), for
which I am grateful. Electrons taste tingly (at
least, the ones from a 9V battery do). If anyone
knows what neutrons taste of, we'll have made
progress. |
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Neutrons will cleanse the palate, surely. |
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Hydrogen in its proton ion form is acidic tasting. |
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Howevertheless - is that a word? |
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//is that a word?// There are pedants who would
disagree. Howevertheless, I insist that they are
wrong. |
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It is possible to insist that pedants are wrong, and be wrong. |
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Do you mean the pedants are wrong to be pedants (and should strive to be less pedantic ), or that the pedants, while correct in their approach and analysis, have on this occaision fallen into a factual or logical error ? |
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OK, as far as I can figure out, the universe tastes like
gin and tonic. |
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(Caveat: I cannot be sure that I have representatively
sampled all the matter in the universe before
arriving at this conclusion. In fact it's quite likely
that I only sampled a gin and tonic.) |
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Best repeat the experiment. Remember, the more times you repeat it with the same result, the more statistically valid the result. |
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Hah! I laugh in the face of stastickal singing fences.
Staticstall significates. Those things. |
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I'm a biologist. 50:50 is proof enough for me. |
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You could have a point there, though personally I
doubt it. The Italians make a decent stab at
making beer, but I can't help feeling that they
should have stopped after inventing the olive and
vermouth. |
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Incidentally, has anyone noticed that Greece is the
only major nation not to have made a significant
contribution to alcoholism? I mean, there's retsina
and ouzo (both of which sound very much like sub
machine-guns), but they're both the sort of things
you only drink in order to say you've drunk them. I
think this probably explains a lot about the plight
of the Greek economy. |
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Which reminds me: [8th], if you're listening,
Sturton said to tell you that you should only open
that bottle he sent under argon. |
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Flavour ideas are not allowed here. |
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Ah, but this is not an idea for a flavour. This is an
idea about how to _find_ a flavour. |
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