(That sniff is a curiously invariant aspect. Anthropologists are in two camps about this. Some believe that it is meant to enhance the experience, like in wine tasting. Others contend that it’s just to check that the index finger doesn’t smell too much for the nostril picking that will follow later. Research is in progress. But I digress.)

The trouser scratch mitten (scritten) restores an air of decorum to the proceedings. Incorporated into the front of the trouser, it seems at first just like an extra, hidden, deep pocket, at the front and just in from the side pockets. However, the scritten comfortably accommodates a hand and has enough depth to allow the wearer to reach the parts that normal trouser pockets cannot reach.

The scritten also has a slightly rough yet absorbent exterior, to provide a superior quality scratching experience, carefully formulated to avoid skin abrasion and to mop up excess scrotal moisture.

The trousers stay fastened, the itch gets scratched, the hand stays clean, and the dinner party goes just swimmingly. No darling, I didn’t realise we’d used Camembert when making that quiche either.