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Scrotum Friendly Chair

I hope the idea's name wasn't too subtle
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Regular chairs are silly. There's a bunch of material there which is really doing nothing other then making your body parts uncomfortable. At least for people with scrotums. I know chairs in their current generic configuration have been available for millennia, but I believe there is still room for improvement. I propose that chairs' seats should be remodelled. Instead of a single surface, the seat should be composed of two separate boards to support each of the legs. Between the two boards there would be an open space allowing for the scrotum to hang freely as nature intended it to do. This would reduce temperature and pressure on the testicles making men more comfortable while sitting, happier and improve their sperm production, both in terms of quality and quantity. Who knows, maybe it would even contribute to peace on Earth.
PauloSargaco, Aug 29 2013

Baked for bicycle seats. http://www.google.c....1.1163.4ZrOR8i2cm0
[spidermother, Aug 29 2013]

Porphyry Chair http://s253.photobu...phyryChair.jpg.html
Testiculos habet et bene pendentes! [Wrongfellow, Aug 29 2013]

Hammock in the Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia...ck_(disambiguation)
Seems like hammocks have some other use [PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013]

Gotcha covered... http://www.geekolog...a-comfy-compute.php
or uncovered as the case may be. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 01 2013]

Your idea sounds a lot like this... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saddle_chair
...except that instead of flat boards (how uncomfortable!) it's two curved pieces. [goldbb, Sep 06 2013]

[link]






       Congratulations, you've re-invented the lavatory seat.
8th of 7, Aug 29 2013
  

       @8th I'm not sure I agree with you. Lavatory seats are not ergonomic for long periods as you can easily perceive by numb legs after using them for consecutive periods of 15 mins or more. Lavatory seats were designed for different purposes and are not fit for prolonged use. I believe this results from the fact that the sides are too narrow and far apart.   

       @spidermom I actually do mountain biking and can tell you with absolute certainty that they solve none if the problems I mentioned in the idea. The small slit in bicycle seats is intended to prevent damage to the prostate that results from the specific design of the original bicycle seats which would concentrate too much pressure in the perineum and therefore, in the prostate.
PauloSargaco, Aug 29 2013
  

       I've had to turn the teevee volume way up --- my sperm are cheering loudly. Still not sure if this is a good thing or not; if we make this accommodation for our sperm, what's next? <here's GROG looking ahead> Giving them the vote? Buying them theatre tickets would bankrupt me, but it might be worth it if I get an evening of peace and quiet (they are a raucous lot now that they're healthier; and it pisses me off that they're CONSTANTLY changing the channels). I rue the day I ever taught them how to use the internet...
Grogster, Aug 29 2013
  

       @Grogster I'm glad your sperm likes the idea. If each of them votes for it, it'll be the most voted idea in HalfBakery ever!
PauloSargaco, Aug 29 2013
  

       @spidermom actually, I was going through the pics you linked and some of them might fit the bill. Those seats which are two small pads for the buttocks, I mean. Although I'm not sure how comfortable it would be to sit long ours on such a small surface.
PauloSargaco, Aug 29 2013
  

       See, the Catholics are ahead of the curve on this one.
RayfordSteele, Aug 29 2013
  

       Nature invented the hammock to cradle the testicals, just as darkness cradles the stars.
rcarty, Aug 30 2013
  

       @rcarthy the hammock was invented by whom to do what? [link]
PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013
  

       Wouldn't this simply be scrotum-neutral ?
FlyingToaster, Aug 30 2013
  

       Paulo, the scrotum is a hammock of skin that tightens and loosens to determine how gentle it cradles.
rcarty, Aug 30 2013
  

       @rcarty ah! What a beautiful and poetic image. I'm such a pragmatic person that the beauty of the simple things and the grand universal parallels of nature sometimes elude me. Thank you for sharing that.
PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013
  

       @Flying-toaster I believe it would. What ever else could someone desire? I thought of this as an improvement to the work place, so going any further than neutral might be frowned upon by employers. What were you thinking of?
PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013
  

       I was wondering what a scrotum-friendly chair would be.
FlyingToaster, Aug 30 2013
  

       Hmm, I see. In my perspective, it is friendly in the sense that it is comfortable, but I can see how the name could be misleading :-)
PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013
  

       //two small pads// Yes, those are the ones I meant.
spidermother, Aug 30 2013
  

       1. Cut hole in pants.   

       2. Cut hole in chair.   

       3. Cut hole in floor.   

       4. Be seated in pendulous comfort.
bungston, Aug 30 2013
  

       5. Keep cats out of basement.
bungston, Aug 30 2013
  

       // cut hole in floor // someone must have a hard time walking around without tripping...
PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013
  

       @21 yes, those are the next items in the buying list: specialized underwear and trousers.
PauloSargaco, Aug 30 2013
  

       I believe one of these chairs was tested in a recent Bond movie - it didn't seem terribly comfortable.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 30 2013
  

       Depends what you like ... we understand that some members (hem-hem) of the English upper classes, particularly those who attended Public Schools*, will pay good money (what other sort is there, by the way ?) for that sort of thing ...   

       * But not catholic schools. Kinky, yes - sick, depraved and perverted - no.
8th of 7, Aug 30 2013
  

       Paulo, please it approaches new cosmology the sensation of hammocking ones head, and one's hammock in in one's hands, all the while lying in a hammock looking into the hammock of the stars. I write to you from a hammock.
rcarty, Aug 30 2013
  

       There is too much use of the word 'hammock' here.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 30 2013
  

       The last one to say it was the first one who started it.
rcarty, Aug 30 2013
  

       I think (might do a web search later to check) that 2/3 of men have one testicle slightly lower than the other (it's always the same side too, but I'm not going to check just now), and it is believed to be an evolutionary reaction to just this problem since they pack more comfortably when seated for long periods.
TomP, Sep 01 2013
  

       //evolutionary reaction to sitting// really ? I thought sitting was just an evolutionary coincidence.
FlyingToaster, Sep 01 2013
  

       I look forward to the entire line of scrotum-friendly products.
tatterdemalion, Sep 01 2013
  

       Somewhere on the web is a picture of a wooden chair carved to perfectly seat each of a man's testicles in its own little bowl. I've seen it numerous times, but I can't find a link to it right now because I have better things to do, but maybe some bored 'baker will go the effort. It's decent craftsmanship, and mildly amusing.
Alterother, Sep 01 2013
  

       {heavy sigh}
I posted a link to the seat you're talking about this morning [Alterother].
  

       It took me a while to find the right combination of words... and I guess that means I am no longer a Scrotum-friendly-search virgin.   

       Very nice. Not the chair/pic I've seen but close enough that I'm guessing they have the same maker.
Alterother, Sep 01 2013
  

       There's more than one of those?!   

       I can just hear my wife now; "You're the one that insisted on buying the god-awful thing... man up, and pull the sliver out yourself!"   

       @2_fries that stool is a piece of art. Love it!   

       I'm not so sure about it being used in a public place where men rub their naked skins and appendices on it. Even if I find that keeping the kilts tradition alive is very honorable. Are there specialized discardable seat covers? In the interest of hygiene?
PauloSargaco, Sep 02 2013
  

       That's a whole nother posting.   

       I think the one in the link is only for early in the day, it comes with some warning about not over-shellacking your morning wood...   

       Somewhere in Spokane is a barrista suffering from the tragic misbelief that they are funny.
Alterother, Sep 02 2013
  

       Meanwhile, a Friendly Scrotum Chair would be a large wrinkly beanbag seat, with two ... armrests. It would gently crimp and ripple its wrinkles as it resettled itself around the sitter, or just in response to a passing draft. One would feedly oddly inhibited from sitting down hard on it.
pertinax, Sep 04 2013
  

       In other news there was a local gathering around a memorial erection. Several participants came where they stood, remarking "we're from around here".
rcarty, Sep 04 2013
  

       Somewhere in Spokane is a tech support operator who suffers from the tragic misbelief that he is funny.
Alterother, Sep 04 2013
  

       The scrotum chair seems great, until you realize that sliding off it would shear your balls off.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 04 2013
  

       That's right.
A truly scrotum-friendly chair would have a self-sterilizing temperature-controlled pouch lined with faux bunny fur and perhaps just a hint of the scent of lavender.
  

       At which point, as a public service, on a slightly related note, Scotch Bonnet peppers should really be handled with gloves.
FlyingToaster, Sep 05 2013
  

       "I asked for a lawyer, and they brought me an avocado." --Umberto Eco
spidermother, Sep 05 2013
  

       What's wrong with Scotch Bonnets? They're not live explosives.
Alterother, Sep 07 2013
  

       Going commando or not is non-sequitur if one has to take a leak. Washing one's hands rather carefully before heading to the jakes is also non-sequitur. And when you wash ground zero after the burning starts it just increases the capascin contact area.   

       I can't help but notice that the kilt-chair looks ideal for holding skin balm... "Ahhhhhh"   

       //the phrase "It burrrns! It buuurrrrns!" comes to mind.// Which must be why they called it Scotch, in honour of Robbie Burns, the famous Scotch eccentric billionaire.
FlyingToaster, Sep 07 2013
  

       @Maxwel no, no, no. The scrotum friendly chair is open- ended on the knee side. So slide at will, your balls will be very safe.
PauloSargaco, Sep 10 2013
  

       It is also a very good idea not to forget to wash ones hands thoroughly after using A5-35 unless you sit to pee.   
      
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