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Sham Olympics

You gotta have the gold to get the gold
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Just like the regular Olympics, except bribery, blackmail, and extortion of the judges is not only allowed, but expected and encouraged. It's just not spoken about publicly. All countries that aim to compete still have to put in some nominal effort so as to keep up the “illusion” that everything is on the level—not that anyone actually believes that, but everyone still pretends it is for the sake of drama.

See the tension mount as the eighth-ranked gymnast takes home the gold due to basest cronyism. Witness the fur fly as the judge declares that the runner in lane 7 must have tripped over her own feet, when the video replay clearly shows she was blatantly pushed by the runner in lane 6. Watch hilarity ensue as the clock mysteriously “malfunctions” for the top-ranked swimmer, leading to his disqualification on murky and inexplicable “technical grounds”. And drug testing? Yeah, sure. Those athletes might be peeing into a cup, but those cups don't make it past the first storm drain outside the stadium— not that they're necessary to come back with “proof” of doping.

It'd be kind of like pro wrestling in terms of the mass suspension of disbelief, and probably way more fun to watch than the “straight” Olympics.

ytk, Aug 01 2012

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       What's that gymnast doing under the judges table?
hippo, Aug 01 2012
  

       Baked
zeno, Aug 01 2012
  

       The IOC would sue you for copyright infringement, or more likely send a couple of Eastern European lady weightlifters round to show your knees the error of their ways with baseball bats.
8th of 7, Aug 01 2012
  

       limbo [hippo]
po, Aug 01 2012
  

       With all the cheating and bias going on, this idea's baked.
Phrontistery, Aug 02 2012
  

       Like a 16 year old female swimmer shaving 5.2 seconds off her recorded PB, and swimming a final lap of 8 in a 400m event faster than the winner of the equivalent men's event?   

       I suspect the idea here is not only baked but that there are loaves of it preserved among the grave goods in tombs in the Valley Of Kings.
UnaBubba, Aug 03 2012
  

       Note that she also grew 4 inches in 2 years.
RayfordSteele, Aug 03 2012
  

       I've read this twice, and I'm not sure I understand. How is this different from the actual Olympics?
whlanteigne, Jan 07 2013
  

       I find it interesting that a few years ago i heard of the "drug free Olympics" for real. Never heard about it since. Did the IOC cap them? Or was it just too boring?
Brian the Painter, Jan 08 2013
  

       //The IOC would sue you for copyright infringement, or more likely send a couple of Eastern European lady weightlifters round to show your knees the error of their ways with baseball bats.//   

       Or they could persuade me with their... wiles
EdwinBakery, Jan 10 2013
  
      
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