Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Shredder/Kettle

Fancy a cuppa?
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Shredding would be less of a chore and would go further towards satisfying the natural pleasure everyone derives from setting light to things if it incinerated documents instead of shredding them. This would be a large glass cylinder. A feeder at the top would separate documents into single pages and feed them at high speed into the cylinder where gas jets would ignite them and they would combust.

Water-filled pipes would thread though this inferno of paper to a small tap at the bottom, allowing you to make a cup of tea at the end to repay you for your efforts.

Something would have to be done to make the furnace very efficient, to stop your workplace filling with smoke.
hippo, Jan 28 2005

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       Can also be used for toasting muffins...
hippo, Jan 29 2005
  

       Quite brilliant, I must say. But one thing: does it make pencils?
theleopard, Jun 21 2012
  
      
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