h a l f b a k e r yCompound disinterest.
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I've noticed that my average miles per gallon is 44 in the morning and 43 in the evening. I strongly suspect the reason is that where I work is lower than where I live by about 100 yards over the ten mile journey.
I live near Basingstoke, although I don't yet work there. This large town gets an influx
of car borne commuters in the morning and a corresponding outflux in the evening. It would make sense to sink the entire town ready for the morning rush hour so commuters could coast in. Later, they could coast out again once the entire town had been raised. They will all be very happy to save a bit of petrol money.
How shall we do this? Fabulous engineering of course; hydraulics, rubber roads, safety barriers, hamster power.
How shall we pay for this? Financial engineering of course.
"...for the daring who live uphill..."
Land_20luge_20commuter_20lanes
[normzone, Mar 14 2011]
...for those of us not in the know...
http://maps.google....m=1&ved=0CBwQ8gEwAA
[normzone, Mar 15 2011]
Liz Hurley
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liz_Hurley
Daughter of Basingstoke [DenholmRicshaw, Mar 16 2011]
Wikipedia: Basingstoke
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basingstoke
[zen_tom, Mar 16 2011]
Basings....Hmph "Northhampsire" Promotional
http://www.youtube.com/v/qbNlsR_o5do&rel
SO FUNNY FOR SO MANY REASONS! [WcW, Jun 07 2011]
[link]
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[Denholm] First, it's a great and brave thing what you have
done. Few people are prepared to admit to living near
Basingstoke. Even those of us who escaped twenty years ago
still just say "I come from Hampshire". |
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Dig a cylindrical hole -- large, very large. Line with material
of high thermal conductivity, not prone to corrosion --
aluminium, say -- continuous with network of heat-
exchangers on the surface. Fill the hole with fluid having
high coefficient of thermal expansion, reasonably inert,
and
as dense as possible -- mercury, say. On top of the fluid,
float a piston, sized to fit the hole snugly. On top of the
piston, put Basingstoke. |
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(Solar mirrors, directed at the heat exchangers may be
needed. These can also be used to incinerate attacking
siege engines.) |
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// On top of the piston, put Basingstoke.// |
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And you were doing so well. |
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We too had great hopes that this would be something along the lines of "Sink The Bismark !" or "Tora ! Tora ! Tora !"... |
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"Come friendly bombs and fall on Baisingstoke" just doesn't rhyme or scan, no matter how appropriate. |
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From where I live, it takes about 20 minutes to drive to the edge of Basingstoke. Time then seems to slow down for the then stationary observer. |
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That presupposes that, having visited Basingstoke and then left
again, you would contemplate returning. |
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Even the Ferengi wouldn't acquire Basingstoke if it was offered to
them free ... |
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//Come friendly bombs and fall on Baisingstoke" just doesn't rhyme or scan, no matter how appropriate.//
Sounds like a challenge..
I once knew a man who claimed he had this dream
About explosive combustion and a commuting theme.
Though a peculiar cove, he was a cheery sort of bloke.
Come friendly bombs and fall on Basingstoke! |
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[Denholm]'s ace plan to raise his MPG
Hard? Yes but that's a triviality
Turns out it would slaughter some Hampshire folk,
Come friendly bombs and fall on Basingstoke! |
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Though [Denholm] claims he only drives
to Basingstoke but lives outside,
his mileage problem pales beside
his workplace woes.
Fall, friendly bombs, for Basingstoke
could use a brand new coat of smoke.
We'll liberate this [Denholm] bloke!
All 'Ayes'? No 'Noes'? |
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The Ferengi took Basingstoke in the eleventh century. |
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//No 'Noes'// So how do they smell? |
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//average miles per gallon is 44 in the morning and 43 in the evening// |
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Perhaps it's some part of the same puzzle, why is it £17.44 to send a one kilo parcel airmail to Japan, but it's £14.08 to send the same parcel airmail Japan to UK...it's downhill? |
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The mileage difference could be because of the higher
humidity and lower temperature of the morning air. |
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Suggest category change to public:city: ? |
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// why is it £17.44 to send a one kilo parcel airmail to
Japan// |
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Prices should drop, now that the distance is a little less. |
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Why wait until the morning? |
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This does seem to have tapped into a deep anti Basingtoke
sentiment. Carry on... |
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How far from The Anus of Hampshire to you actually live? As
far as I've been able to establish, civilisation doesn't really
begin until you reach Odiham. |
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It may not be true now, but the same train journey at similar times in opposite directions used to be charged at different rates. For instance, it would generally cost less to travel from London to a northern city than the other way because travelling to London was more in demand. Presumably journeys made along the same track at entirely identical times would involve the train company paying compensation to the next of kin. |
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We're talking about the Basingstoke in Westphalia, right? |
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Yes. Eastern Westphalia, in South Hamphire. |
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I have a theory, based on evidence gathered from having travelled to some far-flung places, everywhere not only looks like Basingstoke, in fact, it is Basingstoke. |
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I could expand on this but the point is that if I'm right, you'll never get rid of the place. |
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Don't say that, you're frightening us. |
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//having travelled to some far-flung places, everywhere not
only looks like Basingstoke, in fact, it is Basingstoke.// |
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That's a popular misunderhension. Ever since the new ring-
road system was introduced, it is possible to travel for over
seven hours without ever leaving Basingstoke. |
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Ah, Bracknell, the Royston Vasey of Berkshire ... |
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// angry psychotic manager at Microsoft // |
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Highly unlikely. The only emotional expression they're capable of is smug, complacent indifference. |
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In fact, everywhere IS Basingstoke. When I travel to Heathrow, I'm actually going to Liz Hurley International Airport just to the north of Basingstoke. When I fly to somewhere, in fact, I circle around only to land back at LHIA. |
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While in the air, they've changed the climate, terrain, residents, cars and even GPS has been nobbled. Unfortunately, they forget about the architecture, particularly the hotels, offices and fast food outlets. |
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I once broke down on the M3, just outside of Basingstoke, it was the fanbelt, which was annoying as nobody in the car was wearing tights, and I'd have quite liked to have tried out that thing. |
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I had to get the train down a few days later, to pick up the car, and found the place to be reasonably drab, albeit with a prevailing sense of Swindon. |
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//I once broke down on the M3//
You should learn to control your emotions, z_t, and stop being such a big girl's blouse. You'll never be a proper Englishman until you do.
[Alternative Serving]
//I once broke down on the M3//
Yes, Basingstoke can have that effect on people. |
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You also need to factor in relativistic effects. |
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Not if your relatives are in the car on both the
outbound and inbound journeys. |
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Anyone who is having a bit of a bad day or what have you should watch the video that I linked to. It caused me to feel much much better about my own life. I literally had to watch it twice, to get everything, then a third time to make sure that it wasn't actually a parody. |
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// make sure that it wasn't actually a parody // |
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Shirley you can't be serious ... ? |
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The video is a lot better if you turn on Google's
automatic audio transcription system (in beta
testing, it seems). It adds to the enjoyment with
such phrases as "hello my name is typical private
savita". |
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I challenge you to view that video and explain why each cut was included if not to subtly point out the mediocrity. The opening swamp shot cuts to the shot of the ladies juryrigging the signs with duct-tape(!), then a shot of the name of the convention center (rented!) then the shot of the man tapping the floppy disk to make it work. Every single cut screams "hey, check out the mediocrity, these people are paying me to do this!" |
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I read this as "Kim Basinger in the morning". |
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I suggest an adaptation of Dark City technology, with the
added benefit that if you ever become bored with being
someone who lives in Basingstoke, you can easily become
someone else who lives in Basingstoke. |
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