Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Yeah, I wish it made more sense too.

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Slightly Less Ridiculous Live Auctions

"Bid is 460, do I hear 500? S - O - L, I hear 500, make it 550, S - O -, 550, 600, S - O - L (You get the idea)
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When the guy completes the sentence: "S - O - L - D - SOLD!" The auction's over.

Replaces that machine gun talking "Weeeegot550whogonnagimme6 yamminayamminayammina" thing they do now.

I understand the idea is to drum up excitement but I don't see the point of communicating when people can't understand what you say. This would be more exciting and clearer. You say the price, suggest the next bid and do a short countdown of a pre-determined length. You can't do numbers because that would add to the confusion. "I got three hundred, who'll give me four, five, four, three, two, one... I got one hundred, who'll give me.. oh, wait..."

You've got some wiggle room with auctions now, the auctioneer might give you a few more seconds to think about it but with this method you more clearly see the end of the auction coming. Or do you? Auctioneer's can still drag out that last D and the "SOLD!" if they want to.

doctorremulac3, Jun 17 2012

*ridiculous* ain't on this list.... http://grammar.your...sts/misspelled.html
[xandram, Jun 18 2012]

Say each letter copying these tones http://www.youtube....watch?v=MdsuUlEP57g
Like: S - S -S, OhhhhhhOhhhhhOhhhhh. lllllllLLLLL lllllllLLLL [doctorremulac3, Jun 18 2012]

The Taxi Programming Language http://bigzaphod.github.io/Taxi/
[ytk, Jun 18 2012, last modified Feb 08 2014]

[link]






       I'm given to understand that the auctioneer's style has a great deal to do with tradition. Tradition is something we rural folk tend to hang onto, because we think slower than them flashy big-city types.
Alterother, Jun 17 2012
  

       Well, they could still retain the machine gun delivery if necessary. They could say:   

       "Got 550 gimme 600 S. S .S .S .S .S .S .S .S .O. O. O. O. O. O. O .O .L. L .L. L. L. L. L. L. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. SOLD!" Or "S-ily S-ly S-ly S-ily S-ly S-ly O-dily O-dily O-dily O-dily O-dily O-dily O-dily O-dily etc. Sort of like yodeling.   

       So you could still get your traditional silly on, but it would be a little clearer what the guy's saying and you get the countdown aspect. I understand and have great regard for silly traditions, but you could retain or even increase the silly aspect while enhancing it's effectiveness.
doctorremulac3, Jun 17 2012
  

       Speaking of silly, I have gotten excited and bid against myself once before - that may be part of the intent.
normzone, Jun 17 2012
  

       Yea, I went to an auction once. Sounds silly but you get quite an adrenaline rush once the battle starts. The guy starts his "Yiminyyiminyyiminy" thing, you throw that paddle up, you're on top of the world for about 3 seconds then Bam! that schmo three rows over stole your item like a jackal pulling a wallaby out of a polar bear's mouth. So "BAM!" you fire back and next thing you know, you've paid 3 times what the item's worth but it's all yours. Then you get to look at the guy who only offered twice what the thing is worth with that "Who's the idiot now sucker?" smirk that makes it all worth while.
doctorremulac3, Jun 17 2012
  

       At the Burnham and Otterthwaite sheep auction on St. Clive's day, it's traditional for the auctioneer to conclude by blowing a series one, then two, then three notes on a silver cornet whilst stamping his foot.   

       However, since the cornet obscures his view of part of the bidding floor and also makes bidders' cries inaudible, experienced bidders locate themselves just left or right of centre.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 17 2012
  

       While lifting his leg to stamp his foot? Sure that's a cornet you're hearing? <--- fart joke.
doctorremulac3, Jun 17 2012
  

       //While stomping his foot?//   

       No, whilst stamping his foot.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 17 2012
  

       (Singing) You say "whilst" and I say "fart joke" ...
doctorremulac3, Jun 17 2012
  

       My not-quite-grandfather was an auctioneer as a side-job. He's fun to listen to.
RayfordSteele, Jun 18 2012
  

       Yea, you'd have to make sure with this method you do something entertaining to compete with the old method. Maybe tap dancing. Or spell the word sounding like an air raid siren where each letter goes up in pitch.   

       Maybe spell it out such that you sound like one of those car alarms that cycles through 4 or 5 progressively more obnoxious alarm sounds. I'll try to find a link.
doctorremulac3, Jun 18 2012
  

       I have nothing of value to add, but I just wanted to point out that in the Taxi Programming Language (link) the destination that converts strings to uppercase is called "Auctioneer School". I find this quite amusing, for some reason.
ytk, Jun 18 2012
  

       To make it more interesting, bidders can raise the bid, but only with additional amounts in prime numbers.
not_morrison_rm, Jun 19 2012
  

       Every auctioneer has a different style. Some plead. Some taunt. Some try humor. Some are so proper and snooty. The sustained sound is more an effort to save their voice. Stopping and starting kills the vocal chords. Even so they have to trade off every two hours or so. Your not suppose to understand everything said just the pricing changes and where the bids are coming from.
popbottle, Feb 06 2014
  

       I, and a flask of cognac, have bid against myself once or twice in the excitement. Fortunately I had friends to calm me down.
normzone, Feb 08 2014
  

       Most auctions you can skip entirely. Just leave a bid for things you want with the staff during the preview, and one of the floor men will bid on your behalf when your items comes up. Should you win you'll get a call and can sort out payment and delivery. Floor men have bid against cognac as well.
popbottle, Feb 08 2014
  

       Well, this was an auction in a barn for horses, tack and saddles. Not much floorman action there.
normzone, Feb 08 2014
  
      
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