Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Sneeze Balloons

Because handkerchiefs are disgusting...
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There's no way to sneeze subtely. Even if you think you've smothered it with a tissue, everyone still turns and looks. When you've got to go, you've got to go, and everyone's going to know about it.

So, bearing in mind that there is no way to effectively stifle a sneeze without your eyeballs popping out of your head, why not use that explosive nasal event to make a kind of fashion statement with a sneeze balloon?

When you feel an immanent sneeze coming on, rather than reach for your hankie, grab a sneeze balloon instead and clamp it over your nose. A bit like a steering-wheel airbag, it will inflate in a split second and ensure that no-one is harmed by your nose-based accident.

What you do with your inflated sneeze-bag after the event is up to you. Tie a knot in the end and give it to a passing child as an entertaining toy. Or take it to your doctor and have him analyse the enclosed sneeze for any major diseases. Just make sure you pinch the balloon closed immediately after you sneeze. You really don't want to spray your own emissions back up your nose; or worse, all over your face.

lostdog, Mar 13 2003

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       Yes! Croissanty as promised. I just love this for some reason.   

       Perhaps it oughta have some sort of one-way valve to prevent accidental reverse discharge. Would save having to tie it off, too.   

       You could compare sneeze intensity by inflation dimensions.
waugsqueke, Mar 13 2003
  

       Some people think it's funny, but it's snot.   

       //Tie a knot in the end and give it to a passing child as an entertaining toy//
For even more entertainment, give the child a small thumbtack as well.
(runs and hides)
Cedar Park, Mar 14 2003
  

       [Rods], I suspect that in fact the first and third of your suggestions are already in existance.
8th of 7, Mar 14 2003
  

       Love it! (+) Where can I but them?
silverstormer, Mar 14 2003
  

       So, the premise is that this would be *less* disgusting than a handkerchief?
X2Entendre, Mar 14 2003
  

       Well, it would be less disgusting than using your hand, or worse, someone else's hand (and yes, I have seen that done).
8th of 7, Mar 14 2003
  

       <wipes nose with back of hand>
Look at that soldier over there. <points hand>
He's got a stripe on his trousers. <dries hand by wiping them up trousers>
PeterSilly, Mar 14 2003
  

       Ahh, lostdog is developing biological weapons, - INVADE!!
LittleMissLoopy, Mar 14 2003
  

       /using someone else's hand/   

       How about using someone else's cheeseburger? Imagine the uproar,-   

       "NO! I wanted barbecue sauce!"   

       "Well, I'm sorry sir, I keep barbecue sauce at the other end."
LittleMissLoopy, Mar 14 2003
  

       I once sneezed in a military parade, and had to view the result on the shirt of the guy in front of me, through a half-hour march.
FarmerJohn, Mar 14 2003
  

       Well the sneezing mechanism exists for expelling irritants from the nose, but yes, at least when I sneeze, a lot of the sneeze seems to come from my mouth. Perhaps the sneeze balloon should be clamped over the nose and mouth.
RoboBust, Mar 14 2003
  

       Yeah - although the tickle usually starts in my nose, seems like it's my mouth that does the bulk of the "expelling". I've sneezed while chewing bubblegum before, but rather than blowing a huge, snot-filled bubble in a split second, I just ended up sending both gum and the offending nose-juice flying halfway across the room.   

       Still, further experimentation might be in order.
dustmonkey, Apr 21 2003
  

       Not around me, please.
snarfyguy, Apr 21 2003
  

       Which flew farther, snot or gum?
GenYus, Feb 20 2004
  

       From Russia with love,   

       Vladimir: "Ha-choo" Vasily: "Shto hocheesh?"
Clogan98, Feb 20 2004
  
      
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