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Social Pumpkin Bomb

You Called Them Stout and You Need Out
  (+4, -3)
(+4, -3)
  [vote for,
against]

The inspiration for this one is those neat little bombs the Green Goblin used to cover his exit: fly in, mess with a few heads, and then fly off before things get too heated, exit covered by a small charge with lots of smoke and light. They're a generic villain tool I know, but with the laugh and the jet surfboard, he did it best.

Plus I love the name "Pumpkin Bomb".

Anyway, the idea. Consider the following scenario:

"Congratulations, you must be so excited! So when's it due?"

"I am NOT pregnant."

[Writhes in abject horror. Desperate brain engages Hyperstupidity(TM) in vain effort to recover situation.]

"Ah, yes, of course. Well you see, most women I know are slim so when I saw you looking...so...fat....."

Earthquake! Lightning strike! Monkey attack! Anything to smash this awful moment and scatter it to the four winds. Enter the Social Pumpkin Bomb and rewind.

"Congratulations, you must be so excited! So when's it due?"

"I am NOT pregnant."

"Ah, yes...well, they do say curves are in..."

[Reaches into back pocket and discreetly but firmly thumbs large red button on phone.]

Within seconds an operator at the SPB control centre responds to the distress signal with one of several pre-arranged scenarios.

[Phone rings]

"I'm so sorry, Rosie, excuse me just a moment - hello?"

[Listens intently, look of concern gradually creeping over face in Oscar-worthy emotional transition]

"My mother?What, she...no! No, I will NOT pay her bail this time, she's got to learn!"

[Walks off, continuing tirade. The moment is broken.]

Rosie still wants me dead, but it's less awkward.

This solution would be deployable in response to a wide range of gaffes, and you could customise your list of scenarios so as to elicit convincing performances. eg.

1. Mother needs bail.
2. Mr Tiddles dead.
3. Sister climbed into tumbledryer for bet. Won bet, needs rescuing.

Now I just need to perfect the Goblin laugh...

[Flys off on jetboard, shrieking maniacally.]

DocBrown, Aug 06 2004

Real Escape Key http://www.halfbake...Real_20Escape_20Key
The extreme answer in a bad social situation.... [goff, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

For [k_sra] http://www.rathergo.../monkeyinvaders.htm
[gnomethang, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

baked - just plan ahead http://www.kron4.co...story.asp?S=2152968
intented to get you out of a bad date, but serves the same porpoise [luecke, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

[link]






       [Tabs] did you say you liked the idea and then fishbone it? [Hugs knees and rocks back and forth.] "Arrrgh! So many conflicting signals..."
DocBrown, Aug 06 2004
  

       Or go the whole hog and press your escape key...
goff, Aug 06 2004
  

       Doc... the idea went wrong somewhere. It started off so well, suggesting setting off flashbangs to allow yourself time to run for it, but then you started gabbling about mobile phones. Stick with the flashbangs. Rosie still wants you dead, but for the moment she can't see where the heck you are.
david_scothern, Aug 06 2004
  

       The word "shameless" springs to mind [goff] :). I think the Escape Key/Pumpkin Bomb combo could make a neat high/low level response to these kinds of things.   

       [david_scothern] I admit the idea of actual pumpkin bombs is more appealing but "small, blinding incendiary" is baked and difficult to deploy in an office or home environment without getting you into more trouble than you were.
DocBrown, Aug 06 2004
  

       Looks like I'm going to have to trade in my flip-phone for one I can inconspicuously press the SPB button on. I need this. Er, I mean, uh, gotta go.
Machiavelli, Aug 06 2004
  

       I could read this post over and over and over, just glancing across it's silky smoothness, never understanding = always enjoying. Especially "monkey attack." I like mokeys and I like the thought of them attacking stuff. And every time they attack they would get a little banana flavored food pellet laced with mind-altering drugs and a hint of mint.
k_sra, Aug 06 2004
  

       Okay, this was good. I think. If you're talking about a button that causes an unseen operative to release a convenient small explosive, to disrupt an awkward situation violently, but not harmfully, so the other person invloved forgets why they were mad because of shock.   

       Otherwise, I have no idea what you're talking about.   

       You really should get some proffesional help for your mother.
TahuNuva, Jan 27 2008
  

       No, wait!!!   

       What it is, is a person who calls you and gives you things to say over the cell phone when you push a button. Like if your cat died, you get off the hook for calling Rosie pregnant. Okie-dokie. Still a [+], but I really would like explosives to be involved somehow.
TahuNuva, Jan 27 2008
  
      
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