Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Stain Labels

Coming Soon to a Carpet Near You...
  (+9, -3)
(+9, -3)
  [vote for,
against]

Small, self-adhesive labels to stick on, or next to, unremovable stains.

Provides a fail-safe conversation topic at dinner parties while adding a bit of drama to your life.

"Jane's vomit, 11/09/05"

"Tom's semen, 07/12/05"

"Unknown substance (blood?) --/--/--"

Mr Phase, Jan 30 2006

Stain-A-Way http://www.aquaclea...ems.com/laundry.htm
Removes vomit, semen, etc. [DrCurry, Jan 30 2006]

Soy Sauce Stain Removal http://housekeeping...stains_soysauce.htm
Yeah, bleach'll do it. [DrCurry, Jan 30 2006]

[link]






       Signed by artist perhaps   

       Art Patron: I had Jane over for drinks last night, I wanted something that would really pop against the dark colored wood - so nothing for her but merlot and Spaghetti-O's. I got her to sign it the next morning. Genius, ney Auteur...there really isn't a word grand enough for her kind of talent.
redsimple, Jan 30 2006
  

       Semen and vomit "unremovable stains"? You're not using the right carpet cleaner!   

       P.S. Unless your house already looks like a museum, I don't see this playing well.
DrCurry, Jan 30 2006
  

       Little flags on toothpicks.   

       At least Jane's vomit and Tom's semen are not the same stain.
bristolz, Jan 30 2006
  

       [DrCurry], perhaps the stains are unremovable for sentimental reasons.
calum, Jan 30 2006
  

       those two were just not meant to be.
po, Jan 30 2006
  

       !
DrCurry, Jan 30 2006
  

       I like it...but it would be a little funny to walk on. Maybe stain stencils?
riemann_ranger, Jan 30 2006
  

       So how do you get Jane to vomit and Tom to, uh, whatever, through the stencil in the first place?
DrCurry, Jan 30 2006
  

       I've been going through a period of getting one drop of soy sauce on an otherwise white shirt - and it doesn't wash out.   

       I've considered writing the words "soy sauce" in soy sauce on the shirt, with an arrow pointing to the stain.
normzone, Jan 30 2006
  

       I can't believe that bleach won't remove a soy sauce stain, but I'm not about to experiment on my own shirts.
DrCurry, Jan 30 2006
  

       //Soy Sauce Stain Removal// I've tried this, it only made the wine stain worse.   

       I think this is fully sick (local dialect, meaning good). As someone whose carpet tells many stories, I'm actually tempted to do it. +
spidermother, Jan 31 2006
  

       excellent - could also assign spots for potential staining episodes to maintain symmetry - a big +
xenzag, Jan 31 2006
  

       "<-- Stain left by adhesive on label pointing out earlier stain, wrongly thought to be unremoveable"
hippo, Jan 31 2006
  

       This would work well, perhaps better, on desks.   

       Imagine arriving at your new job, being shown to your desk and reading "Spilt coffee, 20/09/05. WARNING: May still contain flu germs..."
Mr Phase, Jan 31 2006
  

       ...or, indeed, "Tom's semen, 07/12/05"
DrCurry, Jan 31 2006
  

       "By the way, Tom was fired on 8/12/05"
hippo, Jan 31 2006
  

       I'm also considering sewing the labels into carpet, because of the difficulty of sticking labels onto fabric. Carpets in a well lived-in house would start to resemble patchwork quilts.
Mr Phase, Feb 02 2006
  

       BLUD ->
moomintroll, Feb 02 2006
  

       I get the impression that [moomintroll] takes great delight in making chalk outlines out of enamel paint.
shapu, Feb 02 2006
  

       //At least Jane's vomit and Tom's semen are not the same stain.//
Hah! Made me erase what I was going to say.
ldischler, Feb 02 2006
  

       MORE BLUD->   

       I say, this is fun, isn't it?
moomintroll, Feb 02 2006
  

       Of course. "fun".
Mr Phase, Feb 03 2006
  
      
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