T0fu Krunch

Have you tried that tantalizing tofu treat tuned to touch your tastes as no cereal truly has? T0fu Krunch! Unsatisfied with minuscule mousy mammaries? T0fu Krunch! Ever realized the oxymoronic-cereal fetish harbored deep within most of us? T0fu Krunch! Then read on, my fine feathered friend...

Ever suffer from a ubiquitous case of Cap'n Crunch sores? And yes, you should be sore at that bastard Cap'n Crunch. The real Krunch isn't in T0fu Krunch because it's scientifically engineered to melt in your milk not in your mouth by employing recent advances in theoretical physics such as the Blackpepper effect and Mold fusion (more information may be had in _A Brief History of Thyme_). And wait, that's not all! After mouthing the magic mush that T0fu Krunch conjures in your bowl, the milk that remains is magically transmogrified into soy milk! Bye bye, Bessie; off to a better graze you go.

T0fu Krunch is rumored to contain exorbitantly large trace amounts of 100% all-american soy, imported from our neighbors to the far east. Consumption of soy has been medically proven, then disproven, then proven to increase the body's estrogen levels. Forget silicon implants and let the body genenrate it's own delectably delicious soy implants. This works for you too, guys. Tired of trekking that torturing path in search of your fondlingmat--err soulmate? Well now you can fondle yourself! Autosexuality, here you come.

In fact we're so confident in our product that we're giving them away... indefinitely... hell we'll even pay you -- just take them!

Please contact us for a sample or two...hundred.