h a l f b a k e r y
Crust or bust.
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"What makes you say that?"
"Er, your hat?"
Much as I hate ideas which take well-known sayings and interpret them completely literally, this one seemed a natural.
The Hatlips takes on the outward appearance of a top hat or bowler (for the more traditional gentleman), with the interesting sartorial
addition of a slot about halfway up. This is cunningly connected to a series of motors and actuators, which enable the slot to suddenly animate itself as if it were a mouth (you can see where this is going, right?). Behind the slot is a loudspeaker, which is in turn connected to a mess of electronic stuff inside the hat, including a lie detector (well, they exist, I make no excuses for their effectiveness) and a microphone. Whenever the hat detects that you're lying, it links the microphone to the Hatlips via a nice fat amplifier, so your porkies are audible to everyone in the county. Truly, you will be known as one who Talks Through His (or Her) Hat.
I have no idea why anyone would want one, but I confidently expect them to fly off the shelves.
Sorry, didn't have it turned on: I have no idea why anyone would want one, but I CONFIDENTLY EXPECT THEM TO FLY OFF THE SHELVES.
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There will also be a version with a simply override switch so you can use it as a basic loudhailer. I'm expecting it to be the Must-Have accsssory for anyone involved in crowd control at high-society sporting events - Henley, Badminton, wherever the heck they play polo, etc. |
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When does the arse version become generally available? (with optional sunshine generator) |
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I'm dreading the machine that would literalise the all-time favourite, "you're pulling that out of your arse"? It would be a loudspeaker in a suppository configuration, set to replay your words whenever it sensed you were making stuff up as you go along. |
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"We-e-e-ll, it started out as a wart on my arse, about three years ago." |
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I think it's good enough, without the lie
detector. It could just gibber, and shout
randomly like someone with tourettes,
while you smile vacantly, your mouth
firmly shut. + |
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Wear a "Billy the Bigmouthed Bass" on your head. It would be about as clever and about as funny. |
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