h a l f b a k e r y
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I feel that there is a particular lack of Modern day action programs (vis-a-vis the A-Team, Starsky and Hutch, the Dukes of Hazzard, Magnum P.I. .. you get the idea.)
The Idea of the School is to teach aspiring television actors the definitive ways to act so that the market can have fresh talent
for our saturday televisual pleasure! The school could teach the following modules :
Design 101 : How to Make a Tank from a clapped out Jeep, an acetalyne torch, and some bins. (Taught by B.A.)
Style 210 : Looking good in Lycra (Taught by Adam West)
Stunts 125 : Perform your own Stunts to make Stunt men look like sissies (Taught by Lee Majors)
and of course... P.I. 317 : Private investigation, how to sport a gun, a moustache, and drive a ferrari with supreme style and ease (Taught .. obviously by Tom Selleck)
I would have made some sort of Knight Rider Module about interacting with talking cars.. but it is my sincere belief that David Hasselhoff should never again be exposed to the public.
please add modules you would like to see at the Action School of Excellence!
where the necessary actor is dead then we can always bring in another person from the program.. it was just a silly idea meant for light enternainment.. *groan*
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Rescue 321: Instructional videos by MacGyver on how to disable 5 terrorists on an aircraft, using nothing but a glossy inflight magazine and the plastic cutlery provided with your inedible inflight snack. ( Richard Dean Anderson has asked that it be entitled simply : Gate 1) |
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I think I'd prefer Peter Wyngarde to give the moustache lessons, but otherwise I am in full agreement with the idea. On British TV, the cheesy cop drama seems to have died as an art form and instead we're subjected to a succesion of 'realistic' but basically boring shows.
<thinks>
Another likely class, attendance compulsory, would be 'How not to drive in a straight line' lessons with an option on 'Trash can demolition'. |
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True Rods, but I think the seed was planted when Columbo first made an appearance in the '70's. I mean, how could he catch all those desperate criminals without the aid of a gun, a fast car and a ridiculously dressed underworld contact? He never even got shouted at by his boss. |
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We need to set up a seperate college to deal with car/boat/'plane chases involving the hero (usually named James) and a shitload of highly trained, but doomed, bad guys in slightly inferior black vehicles. Call it The School of Creative Chases. |
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We will also require a psychological counselling unit to prepare wannabe action heroes for the inevitable loss of their faithful partner, their suspension from the force, preparation for trial over civil charges relating to wholesale destruction of several city blocks and, not least, learning to cope with a new, brilliant-but-flawed, wisecracking junior partner. |
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As a spinoff it should be de rigeur for real police officers, particularly detectives, originally assigned to difficult or controversial cases to be first removed from the case, then suspended without pay. This will ensure prompt clearance of the case, and dismissal, suicide or accidental death of the corrupt senior officers keeping a lid on the case for the last 3 years. |
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Vacation entitlement for police detectives should also be increased. (boss: "You're off the case!"; detective: "Well, I've got some leave owing to me - I think I might just take some of it...").
Special exploding hubcaps will be offered as an accessory which ping off when your car goes round a corner.
The school may also offer "Suspension of utter disbelief" classes for those detectives about to meet Huggy Bear for the first time. |
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The motivation for my second para. above. |
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