h a l f b a k e r y
Where life irritates science.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
The deconstructionist alarm clock consists of a specially designed mattress (or possibly an adapted one) and a rudimentary alarm clock.
When the time comes for you to emerge from slumber, the Deconstructionist Alarm Clock activates various mechanical parts that essentially make your bed that much
more unbearable. Sliding pins move aside and cause section of the mattress to collapse. Springs emerge where previously there were none, and poke you maliciously in the Soft Fleshy Bits. Sections of panelling tilt and buckle for the perfect lumpiness.
Other mechanical features are designed not to be felt, but heard - ratchets that screech terribly, with no apparent provocation. Specially tempered wood that groans persistently whenever you try to get more comfortable. All, of course, punctuated by that horrible pinging noise indicating that some poor spring has made its way to mechanical heaven.
To restore the bed back to its standard level of useability, the occupant must leave it for several minutes to allow for settling of mechanical parts, press the button and await the Reconstruction.
||I suppose it could toggle my Sleep Number between zero and 100. I could never sleep through the turbine whine of re-inflation.
||Or it could just catapult you out of bed, with some kind of countdown...
||my bed does this anyway but +