Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Professional croissant on closed course. Do not attempt.

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The Emergency Ex-suit

Knock knock. Who's there? Fashion police!!!
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Are you a wanted criminal? Are you trying to avoid your wife? Do you embarrass yourself regularly simply by being alive?

What you need is the Emergency Ex-suit! An outfit comprising the wearer sandwiched in a doorframe between two full-size doors. The wearer waddles about their everyday activities while observing the world through a little peephole.

If someone wishes to talk to you they can knock or ring the doorbell, and if you want to talk to them you unlock and open the door. BUT, if you see someone approaching you don't want to talk to or if you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, just set the frame on the ground facing them... and exit through the back door.

Includes letterbox for bathroom convenience, brief-hello intercom, cat flap and padding for horizontal naps!

Treejuice, Nov 26 2017

Portable hole https://en.wikipedi.../wiki/Portable_hole
An outstanding product of ACME Corp. [8th of 7, Nov 28 2017]

[link]






       //An outfit comprised of the wearer sandwiched in a doorframe between two full- size doors, hung on the shoulders.//   

       Before the mob gets here, perhaps you'd be wise to address the grammar points in that sentence.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 26 2017
  

       [+] I've seen camouflage as furniture items or wallpaper, but a door wouldn't look out of place in any room.
bigsleep, Nov 26 2017
  

       Jostle your way down the street, along with the other doors, get into work and set the door in your office's doorframe - open for business, so to speak. Waddle over to the conference room, back up against the wall and walk out, along with the other attendees from their portals.
FlyingToaster, Nov 26 2017
  

       //comprised of the wearer [...] //   

       Could we try "comprising the wearer [...]"?
pertinax, Nov 26 2017
  

       //BUT, if you see someone approaching you don't want to talk to or if you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, just set the frame on the ground facing them... and exit through the back door.//   

       A good option. Alternatively, stop moving and pretend no-one is home.
caspian, Nov 27 2017
  

       It's like a car but for pedestrians, in that it gives you a bit of privacy and distance from other people
caspian, Nov 27 2017
  

       What if you want to come in? Will you be entranced?
Ian Tindale, Nov 27 2017
  

       Ah sorry about the bad grammar guys!! English is my first language
Treejuice, Nov 27 2017
  

       Hello [caspian]; haven't seen you for a while ... although, since you've been in WA for 12 years, we've probably passed in the street at some point without knowing it.   

       {Spooky music} "They walk amongst us" ... or, rather, "we walk amongst them". Usually out of doors - but, clearly, that could change.
pertinax, Nov 28 2017
  

       // {Spooky music} //   

       What sort of "spooky music" ? Generic dead-teenager-movie spooky music ? Jaws-type spooky music ? Na-Na-na-Na, Na-Na-na-Na Outer Limits/Twilight Zone music ? "Psycho" shower scene ?   

       There should be some sort of HB convention to allow the simple and easy invocation of appropriate music and/or sound effects ...
8th of 7, Nov 28 2017
  

       First…

I was afraid…


I was petrified…
Ian Tindale, Nov 28 2017
  

       Knowing,   

       I could never live   

       without a way to hide.
FlyingToaster, Nov 28 2017
  

       Every breath you take
Every dumb mistake
Every bond you break
Every thing you bake
I'll be watching you.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 28 2017
  

       Oh can't you see
This idea has three
Fishbones, not croissants
Which everyone else wants
normzone, Nov 28 2017
  

       You know, with all the creative musical talent we have here, we should form a banned.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 28 2017
  

       What about the other 99.97% ? All the plagiaristic, derivative, imitative musical ... "talent" ... ?   

       No, not talent. Capability, maybe, but not actual talent, unless you're also prepared to class incest, child abuse and bestiality as "talents".   

       Concerning the idea itself, shades of <link> ?
8th of 7, Nov 28 2017
  

       WTAGIPBAN...
RayfordSteele, Nov 28 2017
  

       Hi [pertinax]. It's surprising we haven't met just by chance, even. I wonder if we know anyone in common.   

       //WTAGIPBAN...// agreed, croissant.   

       //What if you want to come in? // I reckon with the doors slight ajar a guest could fit in up against the frame.
caspian, Nov 30 2017
  

       Of course, we could meet on purpose, at a very small half-con (maybe you, me and [AusCan] if we're lucky). It could hold a record as World's Most Isolated Half-Con, until someone does one in Nan Madol.
pertinax, Dec 01 2017
  

       ... and what [RayfordSteele] said. [+]
pertinax, Dec 01 2017
  

       Wait, the door is a jar?
Ian Tindale, Dec 02 2017
  

       Which could result in it getting jammed ...
8th of 7, Dec 02 2017
  
      
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