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In an age when gadgets have become de rigeur I have noticed many of us yearn for simpler times.
Help is to hand: The Parrot evokes memories of an earlier time, when men (and women) of the world were bolder and dressed in a much more dashing fashion.
The Parrot sits on your shoulder and performs
a number of tasks.
Digital, tri-band mobile telephone with remote speaker unit inserted in the ear canal
Wireless (Bluebeard?) connectivity for VOIP and email
Optional GPS for use when hiking or trying to find your way around an unfamiliar city
Personal organiser and diary...
"The Parrot" uses some pretty high tech voice recognition software, to take commands from the wearer and process requests for information. Able to recall entire telephone directories, this is one impressive unit, especially if you select the Hyacinthine model.
"Shiver Me Timbers" option available, for silent notifications during metings, etc.
As a bonus, you can get away with wearing billowy, white linen shirts; tight black breeches; eyepatches and funny hats in public.
[link]
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I don't want to stroke your ego or anything but this does
make me laugh. We both know it has nothing to do with
the parrot. |
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"Aark! You've got mail! You've got
mail!" |
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That's kinda what I had in mind, [hippo]. |
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The PDA of choice of software pirates everywhere. |
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"nothing to do with the parrot"
...not that there's anything wrong with that. |
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//...not that there's anything wrong with that// |
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<squawk>"Suck the monkey"<squawk> |
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(my interpretation of [TL]'s comment):
This is just a ploy to legitimize your habitual wearing of billowy, white linen shirts; tight black breeches; eyepatches and funny hats in public. 'fess up. |
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Possibly that's what she was saying, or possibly she was right? |
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That would Polly-phonic ring tones. |
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Yes, the keys go where the sun don't reach. |
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Under the parrot. The batteries go in the other spot. |
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<squawk> My seventh day at sea living life by the
turn of the screw. Such life parodies the art of sport. |
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This crew of swashbuckling men at work on the open sea
are a silly lot. The further away from land we sail, the
tighter they wear their breeches. Now and again one of us
will have a go "walking the plank". It's not what you think.
These impromptu events amount to 'wagging the dog' on a
'cat walk'. It helps the time pass while keeping the barbs
sharp though occassionally one will lodge in one's 'shade' |
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Overall these rum sucking farts are an amicable gang,
--even behind my back. I'm intrigued by the effects of
their long term diet of buns and bones. This has made
scurvy the new fashion. Everywhere I look someone is
flaunting a hook. </squawk!> |
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Do you still get telephone reception out there, [TL]? |
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"Please hold...That will be one schilling for the parrot
please..." |
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It won't sell without wenches. |
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Would it be able to establish personal, secure connections between you and your bunch of swarthy sailor pals using a virtual pirate network? |
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I thought Bluetooth was a Viking? |
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I will buy this for 300 USD. + |
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VoIP... voice over irritating parrot. |
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Could you put your parrot on 'shiver me timbers' vibrating quiet mode for when you were in a meeting? |
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Yes, [waugs]. I guess the big benefit is that this won't shit down your back. |
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/Optional GPS for use when hiking or trying to find your way around an unfamiliar city/ |
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How about LCD "wings" with routefinder software... X marks the spot? Or just have the Parrot direct you... |
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"North four-score paces from the Dead Man's Rock... follow the trail of skulls to the White Palms... face ye to the setting sun... five and twenty paces more and there ye'll see the Old Man's Pub." |
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Would that be a Palm Pirate then?
On second thoughts, more likely to be made by a phone manufacturer - the Siemen's Friend?
Standby for the competition to catchup though - the Nokiatoo and the Sony Squawkman to follow....
Also, could he be preprogrammed to fly off an get help if you got into trouble? This would eliminate the need to also include an avalanche transceiver. |
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<Squawk>"Phone call for Mr Bluebeard!!"<Squawk>
"Thanks, Polly, but would you mind not shouting in my bucaneer?" |
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This idea made me think of Teddy in 'AI'. Teddy was cool. He'd've been even cooler if he were a parrot. |
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I’m voting against this...I’ve never liked puffy shirts or parrots on my shoulder. |
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And I'm voting for it ... I have always loved puffy shirts and parrots on the shoulder. + |
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Yar! I be given ya a gold
crescent doubloon fer yer
ingenuiddy. An' I always
reckon'd ye fer a land Bubba
too... |
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Cap'n Bluetooth please hold while Jolly Rogers AT&T wireless completes your call. |
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(expanding on humanbean's idea)
Oh the Norwegian BlueTooth?
Lovely bandwidth, i'n'it?
Nevermind that, my good man, it's
dead.
Oh no, it's in sleep mode.
Sleep mode? Then how come his
eyes aren't glowing?
Battery saver setting.
Alright then, I'll wake him up.
Hello Mr.Polyphonic Parrot, I've got
some lovely new e-mails I'd like to
check! Hello! Testing!
There! See? He just uploaded a
file!
No he didn't that was you pinging
the parrot!
I never!
Matey, I know a dead parrot when I
see one and this definitely a dead
parrot. |
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I used to have the coolest parrot. A real one, by the way. He was an answering machine (would go off yelling "hello? hello?" when the phone rang), an alarm clock (flew to my bed every morning to wake me up lovingly) and even a doorbell (he would fly to wherever I was in the house yelling "knocking! knowcking!" when somebody waited outside). |
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I would vote for this idea if it was about training parrots to do tasks that people usually dont like to do. |
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+ And when it had nothing better to do it could just shout "Wossname! Wossname Wossname!" |
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Bun just for [sartep]'s last comment...good idea too! |
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I mentioned this to my wife. She wants one, to use in place of her handbag. |
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I'd get her one, if I were you. Probably won't hurt as much as a fully laden handbag. |
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Sounds like a great way to meet women. But, I think a koala bear wrapped around your neck sporting a litany of cute pick-up lines would be superior. |
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It occurs to me this would be the ideal blog recorder, if you wanted. |
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Great product for target marketing vis-a-vis Jimmy Buffet
fans. This surely would become a staple of beer-guzzling
mariners. The directory feature instantly locates the
nearest shoreline pub. Now docking at Margaritaville. |
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For the deluxe version, I'd want the following feature to be available for when you are using the phone to talk to annoying people like telemarketers: |
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The parrot should have his own tiny little cell phone on his wing, and the ability to hold it up to his ear as if he was talking. He should also have a voice filter that can echo any spoken voice back filtered into a parrot-like squawky voice. Then in this mode he would act as your intermediary, repeating what you said to the caller and repeating what the caller said to you, always in the most annoying parrot voice possible. |
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Trigger phrase: "You talk to them". |
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I saw a kids' toy mobile 'phone today, in the shape of a parrot. |
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ARrrGH! Throw in a shoulder bib and I'll take two! |
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I wonder whether pirates ever had shoulder bibs? |
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Camera in one eye, projector in the
other? Can be trained to gawk (and
squawk) at attractive women. |
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Shameless churn. I just spotted this one when I was looking for an idea that must have evaporated in the '04 crash. |
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Pieces of '04, pieces of '04. |
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Hah! Now my Tutu is a FourFour, what with middle-aged spread. |
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