h a l f b a k e r y
Faster than a stationary bullet.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Tired of having to replenish the Thermite in your Borg.Co. self-
heating flask? Aren't we all!
MaxCoBev, Inc. (a largely disowned subsidiary of Buchanan Road-
and Semiconductor) is irrationally proud to introduce its new range
of Bevamatic Hot Drink Flasks.
Simply place your teabags*,
instant coffee granulettes, or
soup in the base of the man-sized container before you leave for
hard day at the office or that long shift on the bulldozer.
drop in the two seductively-fitting Bevamatic cartridges (one red,
one blue) and fit the food-grade polypropylene cap. You're all set!
When you're next in need of a warming drink, simply remove the
cap, and use the Pierce-o-Manual piercing sprongle to stab through
both cartridges. Pop the cap back on, and shake well to mix the
contents of the cartridges with your beverage fixin's. Open that
cappity-cap one more time and - Gadulka! - your steaming hot
Remember - only genuine and original Bevamatic cartridges are
guaranteed to contain food-grade concentrated hydrochloric acid
("The Friendly Acid") and unadulterated wholesome sodium
hydroxide**. And always remember what Bevvy the Bevamatic
says: "One red, one blue - hot drinks for you! Two blue or two
you'll wind up dead!"
**for a healthy low-sodium alternative, try our new potassium
||Simple, elegant, and potentially lethal ... what's not to like ?
||// low-sodium alternative, try our new potassium flavour //
||For HalfBakers, Lithium would be a better anion, Shirley ?
||//For HalfBakers, Lithium would be a better anion, Shirley ?
||Your "best annotation of the last twelve minutes" certificate
is in the post.
Maybe use a carbonate to make it fizzy?!
||If you wanted to remove the enticing element of danger, you could make the two cartridges different shapes. But perhaps the target market is people who start to shiver in terror? Shivering raises body temperature, after all. [+]
||//If the Bevamatic cartridges are compatible with the
bevaMatic cartridges you may have a sale//
||Sadly not - completely different. The bevaMatic cartridges
are the ones they use for clearing the engine-air-intake
filters on bulldozers, if I recall correctly.
||Is Buchanan Road-tack and Semiconductor in any way related to
the now-defunct Buchanan-Ceaucescu Premium Retirement
Home and Soap Products Corporation, or Acme-Buchanan puppy
care and steamroller leasing ? We understand that regulatory
authorities in a number of jurisdictions are eager to contact
||Cousin Thewell (four-times removed, yet he always comes
back) has often been approached by the authorities, but he
has flatly refused to share any trade secrets.
||Cousin Beff (who is actually a Buchanan-Oedema, since his
mother oddly married outside the family) says that the
television coverage was grossly mis-representative.
||"Misrepresentative" is perhaps not the best description. To be
fair the incident with the runaway steamroller did occur on
what's known in the media as a" slow news day" and therefoe
received pehaps a little more coverage than was justified, but
the photographers and editors did exhibit commendable restraint
by showing the remnants of the puppy playground in soft focus
through a telephoto. All those sad little moist patches. ...
||Also, it's rarely a good idea for manufacturers to produce their
own marketing slogans. "Soap just like Granny used to make"
would not necessarily have been a problem had not the full facts
of the very direct involvement of a number of grandmothers ion
an essential part of the process become so clearly and tragically
apparentwhen the rest of the evidence came to light.
||You can't blame it all on "stafff training issues" even if some
things weren't clear in the translation from the original
Transylvanian (that goes for the slogan, too).
||//remnants of the puppy playground// Ah! You mean they
only broadcast the bit where the puppies g.....OK, as you
||Presumably you also have no involvement with the infamous M-
B Tool & Die Corp. and their ill-fated Home Dentistry
||//M- B Tool & Die// Truth in advertising, that.
||None whatsoever, [8th], and we have the documents to
prove it. Nor with the Dentistry Correspondence College.
We did have a Basic Writing Skills correspondence college at
one time, but for some reason it never really got off the
||Isn't this baked in the form of those rations or MRE's
that have a chemical heating element. Some you just
add water others you mix two ingredients and an
exothermic reaction takes place.
||Yes but, as our patent attorneys are pointing out at this very
moment, the exothermic mixture is carefully partitioned
from the semi-edible contents. In the present invention,
the intention is that the exothermic mixture should be
drunk. As should the inventor.
||But [+] for high level of potenital doom.
||//Lithium would be a better anion// sp. cation. With a cat.