Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Thermite-free instant hot drinks!

For real men who want their tea hot, salty and now.
  (+8)(+8)
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Tired of having to replenish the Thermite in your Borg.Co. self- heating flask? Aren't we all!

MaxCoBev, Inc. (a largely disowned subsidiary of Buchanan Road- tack and Semiconductor) is irrationally proud to introduce its new range of Bevamatic Hot Drink Flasks.

Simply place your teabags*, instant coffee granulettes, or powdered soup in the base of the man-sized container before you leave for that hard day at the office or that long shift on the bulldozer. Then drop in the two seductively-fitting Bevamatic cartridges (one red, one blue) and fit the food-grade polypropylene cap. You're all set!

When you're next in need of a warming drink, simply remove the cap, and use the Pierce-o-Manual piercing sprongle to stab through both cartridges. Pop the cap back on, and shake well to mix the contents of the cartridges with your beverage fixin's. Open that cappity-cap one more time and - Gadulka! - your steaming hot drink is ready.

Remember - only genuine and original Bevamatic cartridges are guaranteed to contain food-grade concentrated hydrochloric acid ("The Friendly Acid™") and unadulterated wholesome sodium hydroxide**. And always remember what Bevvy the Bevamatic Bear says: "One red, one blue - hot drinks for you! Two blue or two red, you'll wind up dead!"

*literally.

**for a healthy low-sodium alternative, try our new potassium flavour!

MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2011

[link]






       Simple, elegant, and potentially lethal ... what's not to like ?   

       // low-sodium alternative, try our new potassium flavour //   

       For HalfBakers, Lithium would be a better anion, Shirley ?
8th of 7, Mar 15 2011
  

       //For HalfBakers, Lithium would be a better anion, Shirley ? //   

       Your "best annotation of the last twelve minutes" certificate is in the post.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2011
  

       Hmm. Salty.
Maybe use a carbonate to make it fizzy?!
Jinbish, Mar 15 2011
  

       If you wanted to remove the enticing element of danger, you could make the two cartridges different shapes. But perhaps the target market is people who start to shiver in terror? Shivering raises body temperature, after all. [+]
gisho, Mar 15 2011
  

       //If the Bevamatic cartridges are compatible with the bevaMatic cartridges you may have a sale//   

       Sadly not - completely different. The bevaMatic cartridges are the ones they use for clearing the engine-air-intake filters on bulldozers, if I recall correctly.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 17 2011
  

       Is Buchanan Road-tack and Semiconductor in any way related to the now-defunct Buchanan-Ceaucescu Premium Retirement Home and Soap Products Corporation, or Acme-Buchanan puppy care and steamroller leasing ? We understand that regulatory authorities in a number of jurisdictions are eager to contact those responsible.
8th of 7, Mar 17 2011
  

       Cousin Thewell (four-times removed, yet he always comes back) has often been approached by the authorities, but he has flatly refused to share any trade secrets.   

       Cousin Beff (who is actually a Buchanan-Oedema, since his mother oddly married outside the family) says that the television coverage was grossly mis-representative.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 17 2011
  

       "Misrepresentative" is perhaps not the best description. To be fair the incident with the runaway steamroller did occur on what's known in the media as a" slow news day" and therefoe received pehaps a little more coverage than was justified, but the photographers and editors did exhibit commendable restraint by showing the remnants of the puppy playground in soft focus through a telephoto. All those sad little moist patches. ...   

       Also, it's rarely a good idea for manufacturers to produce their own marketing slogans. "Soap just like Granny used to make" would not necessarily have been a problem had not the full facts of the very direct involvement of a number of grandmothers ion an essential part of the process become so clearly and tragically apparentwhen the rest of the evidence came to light.   

       You can't blame it all on "stafff training issues" even if some things weren't clear in the translation from the original Transylvanian (that goes for the slogan, too).
8th of 7, Mar 17 2011
  

       //remnants of the puppy playground// Ah! You mean they only broadcast the bit where the puppies g.....OK, as you were.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 17 2011
  

       Presumably you also have no involvement with the infamous M- B Tool & Die Corp. and their ill-fated Home Dentistry Correspondance College?
8th of 7, Mar 18 2011
  

       //M- B Tool & Die// Truth in advertising, that.
mouseposture, Mar 18 2011
  

       None whatsoever, [8th], and we have the documents to prove it. Nor with the Dentistry Correspondence College. We did have a Basic Writing Skills correspondence college at one time, but for some reason it never really got off the ground.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 18 2011
  

       Isn't this baked in the form of those rations or MRE's that have a chemical heating element. Some you just add water others you mix two ingredients and an exothermic reaction takes place.
metarinka, Mar 18 2011
  

       Yes but, as our patent attorneys are pointing out at this very moment, the exothermic mixture is carefully partitioned from the semi-edible contents. In the present invention, the intention is that the exothermic mixture should be drunk. As should the inventor.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 18 2011
  

       Thermite-free! [-]   

       But [+] for high level of potenital doom.
saedi, Mar 20 2011
  

       //Lithium would be a better anion// sp. cation. With a cat.
spidermother, Apr 08 2011
  
      
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