Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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This Desk Sucks!

 It's right where I left it.
  (+25, -3)(+25, -3)(+25, -3)
(+25, -3) 		  [vote for,
against]

My desk is near a door that, when left open on these pleasantly cool Autumn days, admits a draught that blows paper everywhere, causing me consternation and lost time.

This Desk Sucks! takes care of this problem, ensuring that the important papers that I place on my desk stay on my desk, by the simple addition of a pattern of pinholes in the surface of the desk, a plenum chamber beneath the desktop and an exhaust fan under the desk, drawing air through the desktop, via the plenum chamber .

Turn it on and anything on the desk is sucked onto the surface, firmly. Turn it off and it is all released.

Turn the switch the other way and all of the dust, hair and biscuit crumbs are blown off the desk, cleaning the surface and allowing you to play air hockey on your desk.

Also useful for noticeboards and office air filtration.

—UnaBubba, May 30 2006

For the top 99 layers The_20Never_20Lose_20Paperweight
[NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 30 2006]

Magic Wallet http://www.magicalw...m/default.asp?sp=gg
click on the "product demo" link and think desk instead of wallet [xenzag, Jun 01 2006]

The idea for the idea is contained in the annos of the linked idea linked in the idea DocumNets
[normzone, Jun 01 2006]

Visual concept. http://letsbuildafo...TableSucks-full.jpg
This desk does not suck. [Letsbuildafort, Jun 01 2006]

[link]






       +   

       All well and good for the bottom layer, directly in contact with the desktop, but leaves out the 99 additional layers on my desk.   

       "play air hockey on your desk"...I've been toying with the idea of somehow incorporating a pinball machine into my desk.
—half, May 30 2006
   

       Didn't say it was perfect. The other 99 layers need to go into file trays, [half], or they'll just turn into oversized confetti.
—UnaBubba, May 30 2006
   

       bravo. brilliant. bun.
—epicproblem, May 30 2006
   

       Of course, air hockey may be a little noisy in some office environments.
—UnaBubba, May 30 2006
   

       Yep - that's right - what you need is a silk-screen printing table - and use it as a desk!   

       It's a table with about ten thousand small holes in it, and a vacuum pump underneath. (Couldn't find a decent link, but the vacuum comes on when either the foot controlled pump was activated or when the screen was lowered to make the print, sucking the paper absolutely flat against the bed and preventing it from moving during printing)
—xenzag, May 30 2006
   

       To be followed by This Phone Sucks, combination hand held vacuum cordless phone +
—theircompetitor, May 30 2006
   

       My father was a silk screen printer. He constructed this meshed,perforated, table top with hinged frames that were attached to household vacuum cleaners which secured the screen for the printing process.   

       Worked a treat,(ta, for the memory)+
—skinflaps, May 30 2006
   

       Huh! I never knew that about silkscreening. I've only ever seen it done on a small scale, with a deckle.
—UnaBubba, May 30 2006
   

       This sucks. [+]
—methinksnot, May 30 2006
   

       //but leaves out the 99 additional layers on my desk.//   

       <totally shameless promotion> You could also use a GPS enabled paperweight for the top layers <tsp>   

       I lied. There is a little shame in that promotion, but not much.
—NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 30 2006
   

       It would become some sort of status symbol to sign papers on a pinhole impregnated surface. The smaller the holes and more concentrated the distribution, the more expensive the desk. This would add forensic credibility to the signature as well, that is until forging catches up with surface sample clipboards and the like.
—Shz, May 31 2006
   

       I was observing a commercial cabinetry manufacturing operation a year or so ago. The vacuum hold-downs of a CNC router were able to pull enough vacuum through one layer of material (particle board or MDF, can't remember) to hold in place yet another layer of material on top of the first layer. Based on that observation, there may not need to be any visible pattern of holes in the work surface. Of course that'd be way, way, way noisy and the air hockey thing probably wouldn't fly.
—half, May 31 2006
   

       //The vacuum hold-downs of a CNC router were able to pull enough vacuum through one layer of material (particle board or MDF, can't remember) to hold in place yet another layer of material on top of the first layer.//   

       "Yes, it certainly does suck, doesn't it?"
—UnaBubba, May 31 2006
   

       A must for any modern vacuubicle.   

       + why does my estimation of my vocabular ability always seem to wane (in my own mind) when reading stuff UnaBubba writes? Who has that much command? *Note my clever use of the word stuff, when there are so many alternatives*   

       (after I look up the words such as plenum I guess my vocabulary grows, but... wow.)
—Zimmy, May 31 2006
   

       Ah, you obviously weren't around when I was being beaten up by kids at high school, who thought my use of words of more than 2 syllables was a personal insult to them.
—UnaBubba, Jun 01 2006
   

       In case of an office dispute, simply clear-off your work, throw the fan in reverse and challenge the offending coworker to airhockey. Damn nice, [UB]! +1
—Letsbuildafort, Jun 01 2006
   

       I assume you meant multisyllabic (or polysyllabic) expletives, [Zimmy]?   

       See, it's easy to exercise and rationalise your natural entitlement to public opprobrium of pusillanimous know-it-alls, particularly if you are ostensibly the target of one such know-it-all's egregiously demeaning promulgations.
—UnaBubba, Jun 01 2006
   

       I just hate offending cow orkers, [LBF], don't you?
—UnaBubba, Jun 01 2006
   

       ha ha. your'e too quick for me. I tried to delete it, but there I am off to the big red book again.   

       I, it seems post utter crap some times in this state. I thought this was one of those times.
—Zimmy, Jun 01 2006
   

       Cow orkers are pretty common here in Texas, actually. Nevermind that they're easily offended, they've been having to work with that image problem for a while now. :P
—Letsbuildafort, Jun 01 2006
   

       Sorry I deleted my post. maybe it was worth it to other people. I grew up in the poor part of a poor town. I always cried real tears when I had to fight.   

       I wish I could have done it all with words. Some nights I have bad recollections of it all. I guess I had abnormally fast reflexes. (I didn't grow up in Tejas).   

       This has nothing to do w/ your posted idea. I sat in a high traffic location in my last job. I didn't really like it at all. I have no idea what it's like for the fresh air to blow papers of your desk. I only knew what it was like for everyone to see what you were working on.
—Zimmy, Jun 01 2006
   

       High traffic? Was that the boats making their way around the streets of the French Quarter?
—UnaBubba, Jun 01 2006
   

       Hey guys, come quick! Fight! [UB] is gonna beat up little [Zimmy] again.
—methinksnot, Jun 01 2006
   

       //but leaves out the 99 additional layers on my desk.//
Not if you use perforated paper as well.
—Ling, Jun 01 2006
   

       [methinksnot] don't I beat myself up well enough?
—Zimmy, Jun 01 2006
   

       UB, be careful you don't fall asleep on your desk or you'll end up with hundreds of tiny hickeys all over your face. Try explaining THAT to Mrs. UB!   

       A cheaper alternative (but much less fun) would be to keep a few bungee cords in your desk drawer. When you are going to step away from your desk for a while simply criss-cross your important papers with the bungees and viola! No paper mess!
—Canuck, Jun 01 2006
   

       [+] Unless this is noiseless (which I doubt) the sound would really piss me off. But that's just me.
—Mr Phase, Jun 01 2006
   

       Aww, [Zimmy], don't feel like that. It's just that I saw how [UB] was taunting you and I thought a fight was inevitable. It's a good thing we all went through the mandatory self defense class before joining the bakery, right?
—methinksnot, Jun 01 2006
   

       // hundreds of tiny hickeys all over your face. Try explaining THAT to Mrs. UB!//   

       I'll just blame it on those nasty ol' bees.
—UnaBubba, Jun 01 2006
   

       Well, there's a much simpler and less costly solution, provided the documents just slide off the edge (see gratuitous self link above)
—normzone, Jun 01 2006
   

       Behold my sub-par photoshopping skills! An office with enough of those, and you'd have a very low turn-over rate.
—Letsbuildafort, Jun 01 2006
   

       Having used screen-printing tables of this type, I sort of recall seeing draftsman's tables that worked the same way. But I may be confusing the memories, and I can't find any links.
—DrCurry, Jun 01 2006
   

       Long time ago, before laser printers made them obselete, there were things called "plotters" which laboriously moved a pen over a sheet of paper to make (mainly) architectural drawings.   

       Those monsters had "electrostatic hold-down" which meant that a few kilovolts applied to the paper being plotted on caused it to stick firmly to the flat table.   

       Could be used here, and the table need not have tiny holes in it.   

       There's always the risk of electrocution, though.
—neelandan, Jun 02 2006
   

       I'm not sure of the significance of that observation, [lurch].
—UnaBubba, Jun 02 2006
   
      
[annotate]
   


 

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