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Everyone loves meerkats.
Cute, sociable.
Everyone hates pigeons.
Dirty, antisocial. Ugh, nasty.
However, meerkats are not people, and love pigeons.
Delicious, plump-breasted, fresh pigeons.
So, the solution to London's worst pigeon problem is to establish a meerkat colony
under the steps of the National Gallery.
Not only will this attract extra tourists to see the cuddly critters and their anthropomorphic habits, it will rid us all of the avian rats that blight our daily lives.
Thanks Boris, just pop the cheque in the post - I'm a London council tax payer, so you should know where I live.
Pigeon - ugh.
http://www.flickr.c...-a-u-l-/2544881856/
[AbsintheWithoutLeave, Mar 29 2009]
Meerkat - ahh
http://www.friedman...x10%20300%20dpi.htm
[AbsintheWithoutLeave, Mar 29 2009]
Trafalgar Square infestation, and vicious avine rat attack.
http://www.bbc.co.u...geons_gallery.shtml
[AbsintheWithoutLeave, Mar 29 2009]
Pigeons, by Wiki
http://en.wikipedia...ionship_with_humans
[21 Quest, Mar 29 2009]
If meerkats don't work out
http://www.youtube....?v=T569Z8t8ZA0&NR=1
[shudderprose, Mar 29 2009]
Artist's impression
http://www.london.g...nth/plinth/emin.jsp
[coprocephalous, Mar 30 2009]
The Roman "War pig"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_pig
"A burning pig cannot be easily controlled" [marked-for-tagline] [coprocephalous, Mar 30 2009]
Peregrin Falcons webcam.
http://www.regencyb...n.com/birds/webcam/
In Brighton we prefer to use professional specialists for this kind of job. [DrBob, Mar 30 2009]
Compare the Meerkat
http://www.comparethemeerkat.com/
Possibly one of the best and most elaborate bits of marketing I've seen of late. [wagster, Mar 30 2009]
Nelson's Column? Pah!
http://www.youtube....watch?v=N495wu2Dprg
NSFW (probably) [coprocephalous, Mar 31 2009]
What about Parakeets?
http://www.milkandc...link/154340/detail/
[Dub, Mar 31 2009]
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Annotation:
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Why the national gallery? Is it a particularly popular pigeon hangout? (I live in the US) |
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The National Gallery is on the north side of Trafalgar Square, a notorious pigeon haunt, and hence a convenient spot for the meerkat colony.
//I live in the US //
You'll get no sympathy from me. |
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Don't meerkats dig a lot? |
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//You'll get no sympathy from me.// |
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Not having to deal with a pigeon infestation, and therefore having a good laugh at your post, I can honestly say I reciprocate your sentiment. Besides, I find solace in the knowledge that if pigeons ever do become a problem, the right to bear arms has been reserved for me. |
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As to the post... I can't think of anything wrong with it. Is London's climate hospitable to Meerkats? I thought they were desert dwellers, which is dry, warm, and bright with lots of sunshine. Kinda the opposite of London, isn't it? |
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Also, according to Wikipedia: |
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//Meerkats are primarily insectivores, but also eat lizards, snakes, scorpions, spiders, plants, eggs, small mammals, millipedes, centipedes and, MORE RARELY, SMALL BIRDS// |
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Pigeons are too big for meerkats, I think. And they don't eat birds very often anyway. |
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//the right to bear arms has been reserved for me.//
Well, I suppose if you *actually* need a well-regulated militia...
Besides, you can take 'em out with an airgun or shotgun, both still perfectly legal here. |
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Meerkats weigh about 1.6 lbs. Pigeons can get up 4.4 lbs. Plus pigeons have the advantage of air support. I think your idea would have the result of providing a new foodsource for the pigeons, thus increasing their population and encouraging them to stay longer. |
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Meerkats survive fine in the UK - there's a colony in Battersea zoo, only a few miles from Trafalgar Square.
There are very few lizards, large insects, plants or snakes in Trafalgar Square, so I think the meerkats will adapt to their new environment and diet pretty quickly.
A two kilo pigeon? Are you quite mad? |
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According to WIkipedia, that's how big they can get. I don't know if they get that big in London, but it says they do in New Zealand. And I've heard that New York (I've never been there myself) pigeons can get huge. Unfortunately, I can't find specs on city-specific variants. You're probably right about their diet adapting, though, I'd not thought of absence of other forms of food. I hope there wouldn't be a huge surge in roadkill, though. |
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But to answer your question, why yes, I am quite mad. Thank you for being so kind as to notice, I don't get many comments... do you think I should show it a little more? |
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//everyone hates pigeons// that's a pretty sweeping untruth. |
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But, as sweeping (alleged) untruths go, it's pretty universal.
C'mon [po], meerkats (aaah! Coochy-coo!), or pigeons (ugh! gerroff!)? |
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Perhaps with a little genetic engineering you could instigate a war between pigeons and sewer rats, thus pitting two of any large city's biggest nuisances against each other and solving both problems with one stroke. |
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I love pigeons. Especially those huge honking ones
they have in Texas. Good God they're as big as a
brick and as heavy as a kite. Oh you know what I
mean...Just kiddin... |
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(Sorry absinthe I really do love your idea actually.
It's just that I like pigeons too.) |
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Please, don't get me wrong, I love pigeons too.
Why, only yesterday for lunch I...oh, *that* kind of "love".
//Don't meerkats dig a lot?// Not a problem - the whole area is paved. |
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Actually, if you could find something like this to get rid of seagulls, I'd be all for it. Perhaps a raptor that eats gulls but doesn't shit everywhere... too bad there aren't any sociable raptors, because a large flock of them would be just what a lot of coastal towns need. |
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Hey wait, if the whole area is paved, how do they dig their dens? Come on, you can't take *that* away from them. At least fill the area with several feet of sand. |
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//Hey wait, if the whole area is paved//
Don't be silly, they live in the little lawn bit out in the front of the gallery, and under the steps.
Haven't you been following this?
//I like pigeons//
OK, so you and [po].
Anyone else?
Nope?
Thought not. |
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the thing with pigeons is that they are victims of their own success. if there were one breeding pair in the whole UK, then Bill Oddie et al would be raising money for their survival. |
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pigeons, poor things, do tend to thrive even when they are standing around in the own 1/2 square foot of personal space usually up to their poor acid eaten ankles in their own shit. |
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however the ones that have the nicer homes tend to be cleaner (I have a picture on flickr of them bathing), they are friendly trusting little souls that are bullied (even eaten) by other bigger birds. they are intelligent, have amazing vibrant colours in their plumage, have the ability to follow motorways in order to navigate their way home, they are skilful fliers and helped humans historically in various ways. |
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and yes in hundreds of years, we have eaten them and valued their feathers. |
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//the thing with pigeons is that they are victims of their own success//
So, you're saying they're a bit like bankers?
Even more reason to anihilate 'em. |
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I've never had a problem with pigeons. Spokane has pigeons, but not to a problematic extent. What I wish would bugger off is the damned marmots! Little bastards keep crawling into vehicles' undercarriages and chewing up the lines and cables. Yes, they're cute, yes, they're cuddly-looking, but what they really are is destructive little vandals. |
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What am I invisible here? I said...I LOVE PIGEONS. |
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//bankers aint victims//
Not yet.
//Little bastards keep crawling into vehicles' undercarriages and chewing up the lines and cables//
We have foxes for that.
They're next. |
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Establishing a fox population wouldn't be a bad idea... do foxes go after skunks? We've got a real problem with them, too. The foxes would also be great for ridding the city of stray cats. Which is not to say I've got anything against cats, but the strays are a real problem because they breed like rabbits and there's not enough shelter space for them. Damned things aren't very bright, either. They like to just sit in the middle of a street and when a car approaches and honks it's horn, the damn cat just sits there and looks at it. And doesn't move. As I'm sure you can well imagine, we get a lot of feline roadkill here. |
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//when a car approaches and honks it's horn, the damn cat just sits there and looks at //
Breed like rabbits, act like rabbits. |
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[po]//victims of their own success//
Don't you mean opportunists of our uncleanliness?
They're originally cliff-dwelling beasts that have taken to our buildings and structures and added nothing but guano! |
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//added nothing but guano// google pigeons and WW2 |
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po, Wikipedia also chronicles a long history of pigeons benefitting humans. I'll post a link. I don't care for this, either. I don't think it would work, and I don't think pigeons are a fair target. After all, they're not destructive, at least not that I've heard. |
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//google pigeons and WW2// |
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"The Royal Pigeon Corps was established in 1942 to aid in the precision of night bombing raids. Fed with glow-in-the-dark dye they were sent ahead to mark targets." Fascinating. |
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I like pigeons too. They are gentle, loyal creatures that bring much happiness to those who keep them. |
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//pigeons and WW2// Oh yeah! They strapped themselves into those bombs and pecked at a target presented and dropped themselves behind enemy lines... because it was a good idea and had nothing to do with animal abuse! Brave souls!
I can't help thinking of Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines trying to Stop That Pigeon. {Bags I'm Klunk} |
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[xenzag] The wretched creatures give their caring owners Avian Alveolitis (Pigeon Fancier's Lung), too. |
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Setting the pigeon issue to one side, I think I'd be a bit spooked by a wall of eyeballing meerkats every time I visited the gallery. |
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any pet necessitates careful hygiene routines, dub. |
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////google pigeons and WW2////
"lightweight high-protein emergency rations", "biological warfare", "peregrine falcons used to intercept German 'spy' pigeons"...
//any pet necessitates careful hygiene //
Particularly heavy ones. |
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Makes careful note of pigeon haters, then retreats to lie in wait in long grass... I also like meerkats, but I bet they know how to give you a good bite if you mess with them. |
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Because of the film "Mary Poppins" people
specifically come to Trafalgar Square to feed the
pigeons so getting rid of them completely could
be a recipe for tourism disaster. |
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Near to where I work is a colony of Meerkats that I
often watch during my lunch hour and they are
very *wary* of birds, keeping a constant look-out
for them. This a probably a very good method of
ensuring that pigeons would be closely watched
but the eating is a bit optimistic. |
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Maybe you would have more success if you armed
them like they arm bears in the States, due their
second amendment. |
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//Because of the film "Mary Poppins" people specifically come to Trafalgar Square to feed the pigeons//
Which just goes to show how little attention people pay, because the pigeon woman was outside St Paul's Cathedral (check the lyrics), in the City of London, not Westminster. Or possibly St Paul's Covent Garden (Right, feed pigeons at a fruit and veg market, yeah, that'd be popular), but either way, most certainly not Trafalgar Sq. |
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Increase tourism?! Are you quite mad? Why in the world would we
want to INCREASE the number of tourists in the west end? Some of us
do have to work here you know! |
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Can we come up with some way to reduce the number of red carpet
premiere's in Leicester Square as well. They're a bit like pigeons. They
look very pretty but there's just too many of them now. Perhaps the
meerkats will scare them away? |
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//Perhaps the meerkats will scare them away//
Well, if [theleopard] doesn't scare 'em off, I doubt a few itty-bitty meerkats will. |
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Maybe the Anarchists will eat them on Wednesday between courses of Banker and Politician. |
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On a separate thought, with a heritage going back to the Roman "War Pig", a squadron of incendiary riot pigeons might help break-up groups of demo-i-mean-rioters. |
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I'm surprised nobody is concerned with the environmental impact of introducing meerkats into Trafalgar Sq.
A delicately balanced ecosystem probably exists between the pigeons and crisps, burger king fries and stale bread that accumulates daily around the column. If the meerkats were to rid us of the pigeon population, we'd be left with a square full of fast food and pellet sized droppings.
An alternative scenario might be that the meerkats compete for the same food source as the pigeons (being closer to the ground and more street wise may give them an advantage here), drive them out of Westminster and leave us with a scourge of rabid meerkats.
Trafalgar pythons next? |
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I thought we'd settled on leopards... |
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Would you be happy with any big cat? Louis de Bernières' jaguars would do the trick....but they'd just attract tourists. |
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//too bad there aren't any sociable raptors, because a large flock of them would be just what a lot of coastal towns need.//
Baked (ish)! (linky) |
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Sorry, [theleopard], the lions have been there for ages and just haven't been pulling their weight... Much as I'd like to believe a leopard would do better, I can't help thinking tourist numbers would definitely drop. |
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[xenzag] (makes notes of pigeon fanciers, nips off to mow teh lawn) |
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[AbsintheWithoutLeave] Nice idea, feed the pigeons to the foxes... then feed the foxes to the lions leaving the meerkats to keep watch |
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[po] //hygiene// Hmm, I suppose I could use a pigeon to "clean-up" afterwards {Didn't the Romans use 'em for that?} |
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// I suppose I could use a pigeon to "clean-up" afterwards {Didn't the Romans use 'em for that?}//
I thought they used a sponge on a stick dipped in vinegar, but I suppose a pigeon would do just as well. (Well, Rabelais used a goose's neck) |
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//Because of the film "Mary Poppins" people specifically come to Trafalgar Square to feed the pigeons// |
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Ah O K, that Trafalgar Square, the tourist versions of london sights. What a cunning plan that was for Staines redevelopment. |
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There's now a site where you can choose your meerkats (link). Simples! |
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[blissy]: <stands> "Hello everyone, my names Blissmiss and I love pigeons" <sits to a ripple of applause> |
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((*** I was on the point of posting this and the system crashed, so it quite possibly makes no sense at all in the order of things now ***)) |
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Po is correct not everyone hates Pigeons. I find then quite tasty, once you get past the bits of lead. (Although I find in the time it has taken me to type this someone else has already posted this joke.) |
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I don't see why we need Meerkats, Giant Killer Ferrets will do a much better job, and they are indigenous to the UK. Plus you can make a small fortune selling rubber bands (for trouser legs) to gull able tourists [could not work out a Pigeon pun, as I am not from Papua New Guinea]. |
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//Po//sp. po
Well we know that! po's infallible! |
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Peregrine Falcons seem to be doing quite well at the mo, too - They were on a BBC TV proggy earlier [Linky if I can find it] |
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just wondering which of the dinosaurs we would hate so much. |
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we share this planet with wee creatures like pigeons - get real!, there are humans who live such debased lives. PIGEONS have an equal right to live and breathe as we do. |
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I have spent a couple of years sharing bread at lunchtimes with a delightful pigeon that I call Fred - find us on flickr... |
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po Fred and I would like to thank the folks at PETA
for standing beside us in our time of pigeon strife
and turmoil. |
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They will strike if the Meers are let loose. And
they will be mean. *PETA* mean if you get my
drift. |
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{ Oops, I think we broked po :( Cholly po. din't mean it. } |
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Anyhow, I can't stop thinking of Meerkats wearing red tunics, Black Bicorns and little eyepatches... but I may be getting my car insurance ads mixed up |
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//the right to bear arms has been reserved for me.// That's
just cruel. Killing a bear is bad enough; taking a bear's arms is
just f*king cruel. |
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//I have spent a couple of years sharing bread//
And how many field mice lost their homes and families so that you could flick your Hovis at a pest*?
* [po], I'm sure Fred (if that really is his name) is a perfectly nice pigeon, whom you could take home to meet your Mum, or introduce into polite society, but the fact remains that many of his extended family should be subject to pullastrine ASBOs. |
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Coprocephalos, //Flick your Hovis at a Pest// sounds like an idea for humane corporal punishment to me. |
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All the pigeons in my garden are very friendly... not quite as clever as the blackbirds, but nice all the same. |
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//not quite as clever as the blackbirds//
A couple of dozen should make a nice crusted confection. |
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what do you mean if that's his real name - of course it is and she is a she. |
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Another problem with this idea, but possibly not an insurmountable one, is that meerkats like to have one of their number stand on the highest point around to look out for birds of prey. |
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In Trafalgar Square this would be Nelson's Column itself. This would represent a fearsome height to reach and at the top a warning call, to indicate that everyone should flee, might not be heard. |
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[Aristotle] That's why they left one of the plinths empty [linky], so the meerkats wouldn't have to climb all that way.
[EDIT] Thinking about it further, the terrace in front of the gallery is south-facing and a regular sun-trap (witness all the office workers who congregate there at midday), PLUS there is an abundant water supply - the whole square was obviously designed for meerkats. |
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anyway didn't Ken Livingstone bake this (kinda) with birds of prey? |
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Don't be silly, [po] "Four-and-twenty peregrine falcons, baked in a pie" simply doesn't scan.
Has to be blackbirds. Just hasta. |
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"four and twenty harris hawk baked in a pie" nearly scans. |
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I might concede kestrels. |
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{Linky} What about Parakeets?
{Not to be baked} |
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[Dub] I don't believe that parakeets predate upon pigeons (though they might displace them eventually, I guess), and besides, they're noisy buggers.
Hardly the sort of thing you want to disturb the tranquility of Trafalgar Sq. |
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Maybe not, but I do quite like the post apocalyptic image of an overgrown Trafalgar Square occupied by the tropical squawkings of millions of nesting parakeets. |
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//Trafalgar Square occupied by the tropical squawkings of millions of nesting parakeets.// |
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Isn't that just the same as G20 protesters? |
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While walking over to see my local, friendly mob of
acclimatised meerkats I happened to pass a similar
collection of prairie dogs and the thought struck
me - would "scaling up" the idea to feature these
larger beasties help? |
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Prairie dogs always look to me a good deal less nimble than meerkats ("kats" vs. "dogs") to me, and I wonder if birds feature in their diet? |
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Somehow it seems as though people in London are frequently concerned with the pigeons and their activities. |
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If they are such a problem just make an over sized pigeon shop vac already. |
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A few weeks of sucking them up and turning them into mash will clear up the problem. |
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The plan to replace them with meerkats seems like a bad idea. Your going to have to watch the birds get eaten. |
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I for one never enjoyed watching mice get eaten by snakes, it's going to be a similar situation. |
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"four and twenty ospreys baked in a pie..." Now that has a fancy ring to it! |
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i enjoyed being hazed by a flight of pigeons on my one visit to Trafalgar Square. i got it on tape and it was truly surreal. but of course i also understand the concern about overpopulation. i just doubt meerkats are the solution London needs. *sigh* i miss the Prince Charles Cinema. |
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//I for one never enjoyed watching mice get eaten by snakes//
I'd probably agree there [vfrackis], but then I quite like mice. (not in the same way that I *love* pigeon) |
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k=sra, I love the Prince Charles! |
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[po] My friend had a hen called Norman |
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your friend probably expected eggs... |
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