Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Turd seeking missiles

To keep parks clean
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The TSM™ is a paper airplane launched with a rubber band, carrying a guidance unit in its rear and an ordnance package in its nose.

These are charged and loaded into launching pads on buildings overlooking the park or playground. When computers hooked up to surveillance cameras, running image recoginition software, trigger on the image of a dog in the typical posterior retroflexural pose of a canine about to discharge a load of processed dog food, the tsm nearest that location is released.

During the time of flight of the tsm, the dog carries on, unaware of the impending doom. On reaching the target, the payload is released. This homes itself on the load of fresh turds with the technology borrowed from the antenane of the scarab beetle and explodes on contact. The dog and its guilty owner are sprayed with the evidence, and scared out of their wits too.

However, should the trigger substance be absent, for instance if it was a bitch urinating, the package defuses itself and flies to a designated parking area.

In time, dog owners will learn to avoid the area protected by the array of tsm launchers. Or they will make sure to make doggie go before going out on a leash.

Parks and playgrounds protected by these gizmos make the place better for gizmo to play in.

neelandan, Apr 25 2002

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       //The guilty dog and its owner are sprayed with the evidence//
Wrong. Only the owner is guilty. The dog is just crapping where it thinks it should, much like you and I do.
angel, Apr 25 2002
  

       Amended accordingly.
neelandan, Apr 25 2002
  

       The device still punishes the dog for doing its thing, spraying and scaring it. N'uh-uh. Can't go for that.   

       Intention is good, and whimsy noted. But each of these devices would probably cost in the tens of thousands of dollars to produce.
waugsqueke, Apr 25 2002
  

       that "posterior retroflexural pose" bit warrants a croissant all its own
quarterbaker, Apr 25 2002
  

       [blithmith]: When you say you let him "slide on the other one", what *exactly* did you mean?
angel, Apr 25 2002
  

       I wouldn't want to be an innocent bystander near where one of these went off. It'd be excreciatingly painful.
bristolz, Apr 25 2002
  

       angel -
//where it thinks it should, much like you and I do//
  

       So you think you should crap in the park.   

       I have pissed in a bush in the park several times and once, when utterly pissed, did reportedly throw up over a considerable area of it. But I have never come to think of it as the place to release my turds.   

       You seem to have very peculiar habits in your country. Was it your stuff that giz was dodging around?
neelandan, May 04 2002
  

       I think what angel ment was that the dog thinks it should go in the grass and we ( through training? ) think we should go in the bathroom.
my-nep, Nov 23 2003
  

       Scaring the crap out of the owner, too...
david_scothern, May 26 2004
  

       i'd be worried one would go off while i scooped the poop - BOOM point blank poo bomb to the face. this idea might lead to people running to get out of range of the mess rather than risk getting splattered.
stilgar, Jun 10 2004
  

       Croissant
the_knights_of_ni, Jun 10 2004
  
      
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