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Uncomfortable Truthinator

Cause mass depression to sell comfort food, by sharing truths
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(+2, -1)
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No ad campaign has tried "existential despair" as a marketing strategy. (The state-of-the-art proven strategy is to create the emotions of fear, anger, or avarice.)

Today, with targeted online ads, we have the technology to deliver targeted uncomfortable truths to drive consumer purchasing of comfort food.

State of the art: I web-search for "socks", then sock ads are the only thing I see in banner ads. For months. Eventually I buy socks.

My idea: I web-search for "socks", then I see a bunch of ads explaining that since 30% of people have affairs, and most affairs last for more than a month, the number of times I'm likely to be cheated on is greater than one, and there's nothing I can do about it. Eventually I buy ice cream to eat in bed while crying, thinking "we were in luuurve! whyyy?".

State of the art: I get a speeding ticket, then I get hundreds of letters from lawyers offering to represent me. For weeks. Eventually I take a driving class.

My idea: I get a speeding ticket, then I see a bunch of ads explaining that intelligence is heritable and my failures in life so far prove I am genetically unfit for jobs that would enable me to afford to raise a happy family without making terrible tradeoffs between time at work, time with children, and enough money to buy a good education for the children. Eventually I buy ice cream to eat in bed while crying, thinking "but I'm a niiiice guuuuy! why can't I afford to reproduuuuce?"

State of the art: A popular international magazine publishes a cover story that is critical of a political enemy of a politician who the magazine's owners support, advise and benefit from. The story affects my vote, and I help that politician (and indirectly help the magazine's owners to) gain even more power.

My idea: A mass-mailing sent to me provides clear, well- researched examples of how I will never be as loved as various men who are in prison for mass-murder, as shown by the number of adoring, attractive fans these men have, and the steady stream of mail these men get. The mass- mailing goes on to explain the general principles of how physical attractiveness, antisocial behavior, and disregard for risks help people become successful in some fields, and then shames me by calling me entitled and effeminate for feeling sad that mass-murderers and traveling rock musicians are loved more than engineers. Eventually I buy ice cream to eat in bed while crying, "but I designed parts of the infrastructure that those scumbags use every day to surviiiive!"

State of the art: Job boards advertise that I can find a job by replying to the posted listings. I do, and eventually find a better job.

My idea: Job board that lists only "elite" jobs available to rich, well-connected, socially-gifted people. These jobs are all "advisory", "board", or "junior executive" roles intended to provide training and benefits to the job recipient, not to extract profit from the employee. This job board also explains how rich people (who live off investment income) see full-time paid work as "dishonorable", and also explains that through trusts and other legal tools rich people are able to keep their wealth secret from the public enabling them to hide in plain sight amongst hard-working people who don't share their values. After I realize that I can't apply to any of the jobs on this "elite" job board, I buy ice cream to eat in bed while crying, "but this is the land of the freeeeee!"

Ice cream sales would skyrocket if this ad campaign was introduced. If well-crafted, the messages would spread virally on their own.

sninctown, Oct 22 2016

[link]






       Wow, I find some playground swing use can try and relieve the weightiness.
wjt, Oct 22 2016
  

       // shames me by calling me entitled and effeminate for feeling sad that mass-murderers and traveling rock musicians are loved more than engineers. //   

       "Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it,
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain't workin', that's the way you do it,
Money for nothin' and your chicks for free ..."
8th of 7, Oct 22 2016
  

       This is how advertising already works, by making you feel miserable about your current situation without their product.
RayfordSteele, Oct 22 2016
  

       ADVERTISEMENT
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
"so soothing" ... ... "comforting"
............ XXX ............
Feeling down?
.
P O C M L O C
brand
I C E - C R E A M
.
will comfort your inner torment and angst
+++++++++++++++++++++++
SPECIALLY FORMULATED
---for eating in bed---
soothes broken hearts
and heals shattered dreams
SPECIAL OFFER
£5.97 a tub
(usual price £8)
OR THREE FOR £14.98
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
pocmloc, Oct 23 2016
  

       Shattered dreams don't heal. Ever.
Voice, Oct 23 2016
  

       Now, that sounds very like the voice of experience... there's an unmistakable frisson of bitterness and disappointment in the phraseology.
8th of 7, Oct 23 2016
  

       Thanks for the support. I've identified healthier alternatives to ice cream for the above issues, as follows, in order: polygyny, budget reduction, a pirate persona, and doing sales.
sninctown, Dec 31 2016
  

       Actually, doing sales is more unhealthy than ice cream.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 31 2016
  

       Sell or be sold. No other way.
sninctown, Dec 31 2016
  

       "Everyone lives by selling something"
8th of 7, Dec 31 2016
  

       //selling// sp: sharing
wjt, Dec 31 2016
  
      
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