Chutney is a versatile disguise when rubbed in a horizontal or zig zag fashion across your face - imagine your wife's reaction when she returns home to find you peering from inside a cupboard - almost indistinguishable from the hiding spot around you.

Guacamole works well in a garden setting and is great for spying on the neighbours.

In winter go to your front yard and squat in the snow with a clear view of the their house. Pour vanilla yoghurt on and around your head and shoulders and you can go undetected till well into the afternoon.

Mix and match the contents of refrigerator with your hiding environment and enjoy your well deserved privacy.