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Roland looked sleepily at the alarm clock... 5:24am. Hhrrmmppff !
The whining sound was amplified by the meningal swelling induced by the consumption of the 22 vodka shots Roland had downed last night in a vain attempt to get Katanya the Russian waitress to come home with him.
The vacuum
cleaner was sucking up small change from where it had spilled from his trouser pockets at whatever hour he had arrived home.
The sound of the change rattling around in the dust bin of the vacuum cleaner was like a machine gun in his ear.
Roland sat up carefully, staring at the 3ft tall, orange traffic cone lookalike. Self-powered and very powerful, it was ideal for wet or dry spills. He hoped his change was not blended with cat chunder, again.
It had seemed like a good idea, stealing what he thought to be a traffic cone from the foyer of the building where he worked. Little had he known it was a vacuum cleaner designed to look like a warning device, to warn people it was operating in a public space.
Nor could he very well return it, now he knew how much it was worth, having stolen it whilst drunk. If only he could figure out how to set it to work during the day, instead of midight to 6am.
Roomba Vac
http://www.roombava...roomba/defaultB.asp
One of these with a hat on... [waugsqueke, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Baked...
http://lain.org.uk/...Traffic%20Cone.html
We use these in Glasgow to clean the statue of the Duke of Wellington... [Jinbish, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
... further to above link
http://www.rampants.../glw_wellington.htm
A wee bit of detail to explain. [Jinbish, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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Is there a moral to this story, like "don't steal traffic cones" or is there an idea like "make traffic cone shaped robotic appliances"? |
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//consumed last night, in a vain attempt to get Katanya the Russian waitress, to come home// |
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No commas are needed here. Or is this some sort of UK punctuation I'm not familar with? |
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Secondly, I suppose its road conage would prevent the thing being stepped on--but there's also potential for it be knocked over. Expecially if it's moving. |
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Third, retalitory fishbone. Plus, while I like the story, I'm not sure about the idea's merits. |
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Last--if I had the space and the balls/lack of conscience (to steal), I'd garnish my living quarters this kind of thing (i.e. road cones, signs, barrel thingies). Heck, you could make a nice table with four road cones and a piece o' plywood. And how about a spool? It's coffee table time! |
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I have indeed wondered, in fact recently, about the potential stepping-on-it danger inherent in those Roomba things. The manufacturer encourages its use while not at home, and I bet for just this reason. |
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Too much editing there, [Eugene], hence the dodgy punctuation. By the way, why are you retaliating? |
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[kbecker], it's about a self-propelled, automatic vacuum cleaner in the shape of a traffic cone... a none-too-oblique reference to Flocking Road Cones combined with Roland's dumbass, lazy, sleazy persona working its usual magic on his pathetic life. |
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You kids and your flocking road cones, why I oughta... |
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//Or is this some sort of UK punctuation I'm not familar with?// |
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Or is this some kind of US grammatical construction, with which I'm not familiar? |
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I pay more attention to punctuation than grammar, I guess--Punctuation being more important in my opinion. Bad grammar is a dialect thing, whereas bad punctuation throws everything off. |
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And my gesture against the monolith has been rescinded. |
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[UnaBubba], a preposition is really not such a bad thing to end a sentence with. |
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No, it's perfectly fine in fact. Only anal-retentive grammaticists nitpick over that particular construction. |
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What? No, I'm not implying anything. Nothing at all. |
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I take a break for three months and this is what I come back to? Retalliatory fishbones and bickering over grammar? |
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Welcome back, Dugong Boy. |
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You could make the cleaner look like a fearsome tiger, with growling/snarling noises. This would ensure that your cat/dog/children did not try to play with it hence avoiding the safety problems. |
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My three-year-old son already does that. We often see him crawling about on the floor, with a pillowcase over his head and a napkin tucked into the back of his pants, growling and roaring like a tiger. Other days he's a dinosaur, apparently. |
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Sounds familiar [UB]. It gets a bit wearing having to always explain the sock sticking out of the back of Littl'un's trousers/pyjamas and why he drinks his milk from a saucer on the kitchen floor. Somehow you forget how strange it must sound to people who are not in regular contact with the under 7's. |
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"It's his tail. He's a cat" |
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"its a litter-tray - he's crapping" |
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//"Hey, this road cone sucks..."// |
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Yes, it certainly does suck, doesn't it? |
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You would think some people never were under seven. |
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Anyway, I like this idea. It given flocking road cones a purpose in life and I think that matters. [+] |
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aside: I've always wanted a house with a powerful central vacuum system, like they had in wood shop class. |
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