h a l f b a k e r y
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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There is a myth and a fanciful imagining that mandrakes
have human-shaped roots. I suppose if you were that way
inclined, pareidolia might make you think it was true.
However, unless the pest you wish to scare is a mole with
X-ray vision and the root is high in relatively heavy
perhaps calcified, this is not likely to be useful
to you as an agri- or horticulturist.
What we need to do then is to breed a shrub which looks
like a human, topiarising it appropriately to increase the
resemblance and perhaps also making it smell nasty to a
potential crop-purloiner: an upside-down mandrake that
produces human screams as the wind blows through its
branches, that stinks of citronella or something equally
repellent to the relevant entities, maybe a composite
entity with epiphytic herbs on its boughs.
The actual species involved would vary according to the
climate and conditions, but it could have grass growing on
its "head", smellies on its armpits and so on, and maybe
dressed in special vegetable vestments.
While we're at it, we need to remedy the problem of all
those naked trees and knit them meaty jumpers or
something, but that's not for here.
A Modern Herbal | Mandrake
...about half-way down. [zen_tom, Aug 18 2014]
knitted meaty jumpers
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 18 2014]
||//upside-down mandrake that produces human screams as the wind blows through its branches//
||Somehow I find myself thinking of Cthulhu again.
||well well well, there's a turnip for the books.
||That fanciful imagining is hard to shake, since Peter
Treveris apparently first poo-poo'ed it in 1526:
||"There have been,' he says, 'many ridiculous tales
brought up of this plant, whether of old wives or
runnegate surgeons or phisick mongers, I know not, all
which dreames and old wives tales you shall from
henceforth cast out your bookes of memorie."
||That's very nearly 500 years of poo-poohing right
You'd think we'd have collectively taken on-board the
pooh by now.
||Having said that, pretty much any botanical that has
psychoactive properties tends to have associated with
it all sorts of old-fashioned romanticisms.
||I was not aware of the "Mandrake" till now. Or if I
knew I had forgot. After reading about it, because of
this idea, I now am going out to look for some so I can
yank them up from the ground and see who dies. Very
weird. So I like the idea because it motivated me to
learn something new today. Yay.