Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Water Closet Newspaper Caddy

Because I can't hold a newspaper up with one hand
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(+2, -5)
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I understand the need for the toilet water level to be maintained at a particular height for sanitary reasons. But guys, don't we all have problems with having to hold our member up out of the water to keep it from getting wet? Why haven't I heard anyone else complain about this? Maybe it's a little embarrassing, but many products are out there that solve embarrassing problems.

Of course, the main problem with the dry member necessity is the inability to hold the newspaper up while the one hand is performing the duty. But rather than invent some complex mechanism to hold the member up for us, I think a simple caddy by the seat that can swivel into position for holding the paper up in front of you is a much simpler solution.

That's all.

globaltourniquet, Jan 23 2008

I guess at least one other person has had this problem http://answers.yaho...060802182606AAVm7kD
(I just love the most popular answer.) [DrCurry, Jan 24 2008]

...and at least one other nutty inventor: http://www.freepate...ne.com/6948195.html
A penis shelf?! That sounds more unsanitary than the original problem! [DrCurry, Jan 24 2008]

Halfbaked - Prior Art Littlest_20Library_20Lectern
[ConsulFlaminicus, Jan 25 2008]

[link]






       get a red top - much easier to hold.
po, Jan 23 2008
  

       well... after The Incident[1], I was court-ordered to wear "the offending member" in a sling, so I don't have that problem, however it occurs to me that varying the periodical one chooses to peruse, would also make the problem moot.
  

       [1] I maintain that that hedgehog shouldn't have been there.
FlyingToaster, Jan 23 2008
  

       Why [toaster], are there some periodicals that are, um... designed... for, uh, one-handed... operation, as it were...?
globaltourniquet, Jan 23 2008
  

       Can't you just tuck it up into your armpit like everyone else?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2008
  

       Oh, I used to, [MB], when I was single...
globaltourniquet, Jan 23 2008
  

       What, like, you've got two now??
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2008
  

       Not "it was single", "_I_ was single".   

       You see, certain relations (OK, _a_ certain relation - I don't have two of that, either) took unkindly to the armpit practice when it came time to repay me for any romantic kindness I may have.. uh, saved up, shall we say.
globaltourniquet, Jan 23 2008
  

       //Not "it was single", "_I_ was single". //   

       I don't see how that picture of it helps. Anyway, it doesn't look very big.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2008
  

       Well, you have to consider the scale. For instance, the "w" in "was" is the length of a gear shift shaft. See?
globaltourniquet, Jan 23 2008
  

       "don't we all have problems with having to hold our member up out of the water to keep it from getting wet?" - um, no. Perhaps you have forgotten to put the seat down?
DrCurry, Jan 24 2008
  

       In the states, this issue was mostly resolved when "low-flow" toilets became mandated in private residences. The water level is extremely low, and unlikely to cause a "wet member" condition.
ed, Jan 24 2008
  

       Well, unlikely for you perhaps, [ed]...
globaltourniquet, Jan 24 2008
  

       I have never heard of this problem. I'm stil not clear. Is it the nuts that get wet, or the dukey?
blissmiss, Jan 24 2008
  

       Thanks for your concern over the details of this boy's club meeting agenda item [blissmissy]. I am fairly confident that those who need to understand that the singular term "member" has a very specific meaning do. Perhaps you missed the triangle on the door there...?
globaltourniquet, Jan 24 2008
  

       U.S. people will discorroborate the opening comment of the anno above as incorrect (i.e. there is not now nor ever has been such a problem in the U.S.), thus...
globaltourniquet, Jan 24 2008
  

       Altogether now, "Do your balls hang low, Do they wobble to and fro..."
DrCurry, Jan 24 2008
  

       Can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow?
theleopard, Jan 25 2008
  

       If you replace the word 'member' with penis the idea gets even gayer.
Antegrity, Jan 25 2008
  
      
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