Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Strap *this* to the back of your cat.

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bamboo bacon stretcher

funky-curly bacon… no more!
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the bamboo bacon stretcher is a cost-efficient means of ensuring straight cooked bacon-strips; made by local pig-farmers in rural bangladesh to bolster the waning economy, these utensils are infallible in producing erect pork-products for the home consumer; not compatible with Sizzlean or Spam food substances.
hadji, Jun 30 2000

Impossible objects http://www.utc.edu/...ics/physicsfan.html
Well, I was prepared to eat my words and come up with a REAL bacon stretcher, but all I found was this. I actually hesitate to post this link; gosh knows Halfbakers don't need more inspirations like "thermal batteries" or "tachyon generators." [rmutt, Jun 30 2000, last modified Oct 04 2004]

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       Back in Dr. Mutt's boy scout daze, camping greenhorns would be sent on a futile search for plausible but non-existent apparatus like "left-handed smoke shifters" or "bacon stretchers." Other organizations have similar rites of passage: neophyte airmen are often told to locate a bucket of "prop wash." Given the scarcity of pork farmers in mostly-Moslem Bangladesh, I suspect we're being sold a bucket containing matter of a somehat higher density.
rmutt, Aug 22 2000
  

       It ain't bacon, it's baked. I've got a plastic microwave bacon stretcher...put the bacon vertically in the slots, put the skewers through the ends, nuke it till it glows, then eat it in the dark.
StarChaser, Aug 22 2000
  

       What's wrong with funky-curly bacon?
bookworm, Aug 23 2000
  

       If it's cooked, nothing. I don't like the bubbles of warm-but-raw fat that get left when it's cooked incorrectly...
StarChaser, Aug 24 2000
  

       cut nicks into the bacon fat with scissors...no more curl, all the flavour stays
ickledinkle, Jan 12 2001
  

       Guys, Japan makes great bacon. It's really high class and doesn't curl up that much.   

       Also, you could try Italian panchetta. Japanese bacon seems to be based on this. Both are great.
Vance, Feb 07 2001
  

       Mmm... bacon fat.
ElDonut, Feb 12 2001
  

       Emerile says "Pork Rules!" so maybe that's the answer. Use a Pork Ruler. It would be heavy metal and lay on top of the strips. Inch markings on the long side of course. Now you need that wonderful square or rectangular frying pan, unless your stovetop includes a grill in the center.   

       Maybe there's a round Pork Ruler for when you want to fry the bacon for those delicious baconcheeseburge
bobzaguy, May 12 2001
  

       they have somthing caled a bacon press it looks like an old fason iron you lat it over the bacon and it cooks flat
vivaelryan, Apr 26 2002
  

       I would much rather have a bacon *curler.*
jester, Apr 28 2002
  

       Who needs the extra oil while frying? Use your hair's own "natural cooking grease"!   

       Might prove to be a problem, though, for those of us who use rollers overnight yet still want decorative loops of delicious bacon in the morning.
jester, Apr 29 2002
  
      
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