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rectal analizer

 
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A permanent device containing various pressure sensor inserted into ones rectum for more secure egress though checkpoints

Once installed the device could be activated by border control officers at security checkpoints telling them the approximate volume and weight of the contents of ones anus, as a way to potentially find drug smugglers with greater than 30% accuracy.

This device could be made mandatory on application for a passport. Some may call it an invasion of privacy but you've got nothing to worry about if you aren't hiding anything.

bob, Aug 16 2014

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       I understand that there is a similar technology being developed in Australia with under the working title "rectal penaliser".
calum, Aug 17 2014
  

       Why not a mandatory poo at the security checkpoint? I would actually be in favor of the existence of the TSA if their job involved *literally* searching through everyone's crap for prohibited items.
ytk, Aug 17 2014
  

       Vote for mandatory poo, neutral on idea.
rcarty, Aug 17 2014
  

       What [rcarty] and [ytk] said.   

       If the TSA collected all the mandatory poos, they could store them and then every time they had enough they could use them to make a new TSA manager. Obviously that would need an awful lot of poo, as even the humblest TSA employees are totally full of shit.   

       Interestingly, the UK seems to have a more economical but nearly as effective technology, whereby Border Agency staff achieve the same levels of lethargy, incompetence and sullen bureaucratic obstructionism as the TSA, but only have shit for brains, a great saving, and vitally necessary as the Passport Agency is actually made from shit from the foundations up, and otherwise there might be a shortage.
8th of 7, Aug 17 2014
  

       Yes On second thought I prefer mandatory poo as well, its much better. Though I think its important that it be done into the gloved hands of a tsa agent so as to maintain proper chain of custody.
bob, Aug 19 2014
  

       //Border Agency staff achieve the same levels of lethargy, incompetence and sullen bureaucratic obstructionism   

       Yes, the second you go off script it all get a bit complicated, like me at Dover a long time ago, having to explain that the Japanese lass with me was not my girlfriend.   

       But, oh blimey, they are nothing like Beijing transit passport control, where they spend 5 minutes looking at the passport, then ask you to take off the glasses, "look up", say "is this you?" then discuss it with the guy in the other booth and if there's 300 people just landed...   

       Seeing as all the electronics for automatic passport scanning machines are made in China it's a bit odd they don't use them...
not_morrison_rm, Aug 19 2014
  
      
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