Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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remote control houseboat

no mooring costs if the boat is offshore.
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The problem with houseboats is the the mooring fees can be over ~1000 a month, making them actually more expensive than home ownership in the long run.This problem could be resolved if houseboats were able to drive themselves offshore during the day and only return to dock to pick up the owner. Obviously this would require autonomous features and creative power generation, but i'll leave that problem for Elon Musk
bob, Jul 29 2017

houseboat driving instrunctions https://www.youtube...watch?v=JTjPCYdKc4I
[xandram, Jul 31 2017]

Starfighter https://en.wikipedi...d_F-104_Starfighter
"The poor safety record of the Starfighter also brought the aircraft into the public eye, especially in German Air Force service." [8th of 7, Aug 01 2017]

Gertrude https://en.wikipedi...nderwater_telephone
[Ian Tindale, Aug 02 2017]

[link]






       Why move the whole houseboat ? Why not just have a small, semi-autonomous tender ? A small, lightweight hull will be easier to power and steer. Just fix photovoltaic panels all over the exterior.
8th of 7, Jul 29 2017
  

       What counts as mooring? How about if the houseboat just moved back and forth a couple of feet?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 30 2017
  

       // What counts as mooring? //   

       We suggest you study a glossary of nautical terms, and acquaint yourself with the distinctions between mooring, docking, and berthing. To a sailor, they are different and specific things.
8th of 7, Jul 30 2017
  

       Well, I probably ought to find out. When I renewed my boat licence with the RYA, they foolishly forgot to check their records and mark the relevant size restrictions on the renewed licence. As a result, as far as I can tell, I am now licenced to drive anything with an engine, up to and including oil tankers. Which means I can pretty much park where I like.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 30 2017
  

       I dont know much about nautical terminology but have some dealings with seamen
bob, Jul 30 2017
  

       Oh, come on ....
normzone, Jul 30 2017
  

       // drive anything with an engine, up to and including oil tankers// there's some bargains to be had on the used nuclear submarine market. The RYA should be OK with that, conning towers are often referred to as "sails". The lower portion is obviously one of those fancy uranium filled racing keels. Any argument further than that is simply nit-picking regarding relative scale.
bs0u0155, Jul 30 2017
  

       He's right, you know ...   

       There are some real bargains to be had on a cash-and-carry basis from a number of harbours in the White Sea region - provided, that is, that you're prepared to put up with a bit of superficial rust, and aren't intending to have any more children.
8th of 7, Jul 30 2017
  

       Know anyone with an aircraft carrier going cheap? I've always thought that a converted a/c would make an excellent laboratory. The scientists would be on hand 24/7; Health n Safety would presumably be a matter for the captain's discretion; waste disposal would be straightforward - the advantages would be unlimitless.   

       Plus you'd save a fortune on travel expenses for overseas conferences.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 31 2017
  

       Submarines would solve the docking problem, as they can be stacked, assuming enough depth of water, at the same dock
hippo, Jul 31 2017
  

       You could actually park under a ship. In fact, by means of a drill and length of hosepipe, you could probably solve the fuel problem too.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 31 2017
  

       <contemplates logistics of syphoning plutonium from a NaK cooled reactor while underwater, using a drill and a length of hosepipe>   

       We will pay a dollar to watch that. <waves dollar bill temptingly>
8th of 7, Jul 31 2017
  

       Some houseboats can drive around!
xandram, Jul 31 2017
  

       They're called "camper vans" [xan], and they really don't float very well, or for very long. You've probably just caught the end of a news story on flash flooding, and misunderstood the pictures ...
8th of 7, Jul 31 2017
  

       Well, I've just applied for registration to a web sales site that lists a number of used submarines for sale. I'll let you know if I pick up a bargain.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 31 2017
  

       You'll have to change your username to [AdmiralBuchanan]
hippo, Jul 31 2017
  

       Has a certain ring to it, whatwhat?   

       <closes one eye; tucks one arm inside jacket; stares majestically into distance; distance stares back>
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 31 2017
  

       // <closes one eye; tucks one arm inside jacket; stares majestically into distance //   

       stroke ?
FlyingToaster, Jul 31 2017
  

       Probably just a TIA*. Or his IBS** is back ...   

       *Transient Ischaemic Attack, which should not be confused with "TIR", a registration scheme for goods vehicles.   

       ** Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which should not be confused with "IDS", Ian Duncan-Smith, an unpleasant and painful affliction of the sigmoid colon.
8th of 7, Jul 31 2017
  

       //stroke? -- FlyingToaster// - Thanks, I don't mind if I do
hippo, Jul 31 2017
  

       Hmm. Sadly, even after registering on the website, it won't specify prices for any of the subs. However, I am rather tempted by a Lockheed Starfighter for £22015.00.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 01 2017
  

       Un-tempt yourself, if you want to live. The "flying coffin" is notoriously unstable and totally unforgiving... ask any surviving Starfighter pilot- if you can find one, that is; there aren't many.   

       <link>
8th of 7, Aug 01 2017
  

       OK, so a little bluffing got me the price - $550,000.00 for a Whiskey class submarine, 246 feet long, 21feet wide, and a range of 12-15,000 miles. Looks to be in pretty good shape, and is rated to 200m depth.   

       Unfortunately, there's no information on warranty, mileage, fuel-efficiency or even whether it has satnav and cup-holders.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 02 2017
  

       It can probably use the Soviet-era GLONASS system, but a Garmin GPS unit with a colour LCD isn't going to be that expensive. However, they do have a gyro compass and a neat inertial guidance platform.   

       Probably high mileage, and no warranty either. No intel on cupholders is available.
8th of 7, Aug 02 2017
  

       Hmm. Presumably, though, it'll at least have bluetooth for my handsfree? And a parking radar would be useful - I've never been all that good at reversing anything over 60ft and I'd hate to scrape the bumpers the day after I've bought it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 02 2017
  

       Electric sunroof?
hippo, Aug 02 2017
  

       It'll have centimetric air-defence radar, and the periscopes do give a nice, clear all-round view.   

       No Bluetooth, but you do get both a satellite comms system, and an ELF radio transceiver that works underwater.
8th of 7, Aug 02 2017
  

       The subwoofer is probably subsonic.
Ian Tindale, Aug 02 2017
  

       Read the title, thought "What a stupid idea... a remote...control... hmm. Bun."   

       Clever.
doctorremulac3, Aug 02 2017
  

       A subsonic subwoofer --- is that where someone wraps on your gimp suit?
madness, Aug 02 2017
  

       //centimetric air-defence radar// Well, that'll come in handy. Interior trim seems a bit, ah, "industrial", but I understand that's all the rage these days. Also, if the pitcures are anything to go by, some bugger's had the wing mirrors off, so that's an eBay job.   

       Can't tax or insure it until I get the registration number, but otherwise I'm all set.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 02 2017
  

       // I understand that's all the rage these days. //   

       Heaven forfend you might ever be even the teeniest bit fashionable ...   

       // some bugger's had the wing mirrors off, //   

       Probably left parked in Liverpool docks one evening. You're lucky it wasn't up on bricks ...   

       // so that's an eBay job. //   

       Try some of the Chinese sites, they do a good line in second-source parts, really quite cheaply.   

       It's worth hiring a container, then buying a load of stuff even if you don't have a use for it immediately. You'll save a fortune on shipping, and you can sell on the surplus items.
8th of 7, Aug 02 2017
  

       //buying a load of stuff even if you don't have a use for it immediately.//   

       That's how I got lumbered with Glamorgan. Never again.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 02 2017
  

       Yes, but you did get a whole load of good stuff in the same auction lot ... you haven't really done anything much with Canada yet, have you ? And the Maldives are quite pleasant.
8th of 7, Aug 02 2017
  

       Yes but, do you know what? It turns out that one Maldive is enough for a man. But no-one wants to buy the others because they're not a full set, so I'm stuck with them. Happens every time - if you want to buy a Hebride, I can let you have one cheap.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 02 2017
  

       // no-one wants to buy the others because they're not a full set //   

       Oh, we know. "ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS - EXCEPT EUROPA." Great. "Ohhh, it's not the complete set then ? And look at Ganymede, it's all scraped and marked ... no, not Callisto, it's all pockmarked, and mostly ice ... we're looking for something a bit closer in ... do you have anything smaller, in blue, maybe, and with more liquid ammonia and methane ?"   

       It's a buyer's market, believe us ...
8th of 7, Aug 02 2017
  

       I tweeted this idea to elon musk but he never wrote me back. a porn star added me though, so i considered it a victory.
bob, Aug 05 2017
  
      
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