Take a million cute, fluffy, baby ducks and hypnotise them whilst subjecting them to violent images and concepts.
Let them loose in a crowded place so they can do their worst. No-one will expect it.-- UnaBubba, Aug 24 2009 Slough http://www-cdr.stan...tuition/Slough.htmlWritten in 1937 ..... prescient in the extreme. [8th of 7, Aug 24 2009] I shot some ducks yesterday http://www.flickr.c...tindale/3850234080/ [Ian Tindale, Aug 24 2009] Evil swans http://www.youtube....XNo&feature=relatedFirst in a series of three [UnaBubba, Aug 24 2009] Duckzilla http://www.bofunk.c...er_hating_duck.htmlWe love you Giant Water Hating Duck! [wagster, Aug 25 2009] Devil Ducks http://store.twiste...c=21707&i=110624496 [DrBob, Aug 26 2009] The Parallax View http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071970/Ideal training material. [DrBob, Aug 26 2009] This looks like a job for... 1_2c000_2c001_20Dalmatians [jaksplat, Aug 27 2009] Death of a thousand gentle taps...
//No-one will expect it.//
No-one will notice it.-- Twizz, Aug 24 2009 the noise itself would drive anyone quite mad!
-1 for being nasty to fluffy ducks.-- po, Aug 24 2009 Evil ducks. Excellent. [+]
(never did trust them, with their funny little beady eyes, staring, always staring, glinting in the darkness, little eyes, always watching, watching, waiting, in the darkness, little eyes glinting .......]-- 8th of 7, Aug 24 2009 They'd be too small individually, and too disorganised in number to put up any great resistance - even in a confined space (such as one of the CIA lifts at Langley for example) those most at risk would be people unfortunate enough to have duck and/or feather-based allergies.
Having said that, there may be a suffocation risk - I wonder exactly how many ducklings could you get in a lift (assuming you tip them in from the top, rather than trying to get them in through the doors)-- zen_tom, Aug 24 2009 <suspiciously> How do you know about the size of the lifts at Langley, and what is the CIA doing in Slough [zen_tom]?</s>-- coprocephalous, Aug 24 2009 // what is the CIA doing in Slough //
What every other sentient life form does in Slough; desperately trying to find a way to get out of the place.....
<link>-- 8th of 7, Aug 24 2009 I used to get off one stop prior to Langley (Slough being one more stop from there) on my train home when I lived "Out West". I remember some lads got on once at Southall and blatantly smoked the most enormous, potent and smoke-ban defying spliff I have ever passively encountered, much to the initial chagrin, polite amusement, and eventual engigglement of the other passengers.-- zen_tom, Aug 24 2009 [8th of 7] - yes, 1937. It always amazes me that Betjeman would have been content with merely conventional explosives.
(I worked for a while in Slough - one of my colleagues described it as "fifteen places to buy a mobile phone, nowhere to buy a book")-- coprocephalous, Aug 24 2009 // content with merely conventional explosives //
In 1937, he would have no choice but to be content with RDX; at that time, nuclear fission weapons were a mere twinkle in Leo Szilard's eye ......-- 8th of 7, Aug 24 2009 Quick! Somebody call the local country club and get the golfers here now! Tell them there's no need to bring balls, we've got targets aplenty.-- 21 Quest, Aug 24 2009 A bit of the old ultra violence. Sounds like a canard to me.-- tatterdemalion, Aug 24 2009 //Somebody call the local country club...//
Perhaps you should google 'golf'. Shooting birdies isn't what you think it is.-- shudderprose, Aug 24 2009 Evil little ducks grow up to be evil BIG ducks, don'cha know?-- UnaBubba, Aug 24 2009 I can't help but notice that the bit of blurb before the poem rather optimistically describes Slough as being "much improved nowadays".....-- kaz, Aug 24 2009 [+] by the way, regardless of the duckling cruelty this idea entails, it'd still be the greatest spectacle ever.-- kaz, Aug 24 2009 No cruelty to ducks involved. They're just hypnotised and desensitised. Like tha AAMI swans [link].-- UnaBubba, Aug 24 2009 I've got to get me a flock of trained, malicious swans.-- kaz, Aug 24 2009 Nah! Canadian geese are downright nasty when provoked, though. Especially French Canadian geese... those are some rude birds.-- 21 Quest, Aug 24 2009 Don't get me started on the damn geese, [21]. As for the duckies...the CUTE LITTLE DUCKIES. Is nothing sacred??? (don't let Cheney get his hands on em. They might just take their evil too far...) Ehm.-- blissmiss, Aug 24 2009 Those swans are the most evil, vicious creatures that the duck-god ever shovelled guts into... they chase you and snap at your privates and, and, and...-- UnaBubba, Aug 24 2009 While it is not proven that a swan can break a man's arm with a blow of its wing, it is definitely proven that a stab from a swan's beak can open a human's knuckles right down to the bone.......
The blood was everywhere.....
// French Canadian geese //
Well, yes, there's your "double whammy" straight off ....-- 8th of 7, Aug 25 2009 //They'd be too small individually, and too disorganised//
Some rethinking needs to be done with the training. Maybe always feed them from an area that looks just like a KFC.-- bigsleep, Aug 25 2009 Like 'Tucky Ducks?-- UnaBubba, Aug 25 2009 Just release... Duckzilla! (link)-- wagster, Aug 25 2009 not just "Duckzilla", but...
"Rubberduckzilla"-- FlyingToaster, Aug 25 2009 It's not cruel to the ducks. They were bred for this, so it's all they know.-- UnaBubba, Aug 26 2009 you could have said that about little boys sent up chimneys.-- po, Aug 26 2009 What? That sending little boys up chimneys isn't cruel to ducks?-- DrBob, Aug 26 2009 depends if they were nesting in them at the time.-- po, Aug 26 2009 [po], what the hell are you talking about? What little boys are up your chimney? Is that where you keep them now?-- blissmiss, Aug 26 2009 Why would you have little boys nesting in your chimney? What sorta weirdo... ?-- UnaBubba, Aug 27 2009 o.k. bob threw me off course but of course you understand that little dickensian boys were bred to be sent up chimneys, down mines & in factories - they knew no better, so expected nothing more.
I was originally thinking about the slave trade...-- po, Aug 27 2009 I don't think you'd make a very good slave... or a particularly good slave trader, [po].-- UnaBubba, Aug 27 2009 yes, very good! [applause]-- po, Aug 27 2009 //bob threw me off course // My work here is done!-- DrBob, Aug 27 2009 In that case, we will offer you as job. Ever wanted to visit the planet Vulcan ?-- 8th of 7, Aug 27 2009 Or perhaps clean [po]'s chimney?-- blissmiss, Aug 27 2009 Freakin Lulz-- daseva, Aug 27 2009 Can ducklings get rabies? If so, no hypnotism would be necessary.
(googles) Yep, seems like any warm blooded animal can get rabies. There's nothing quite like a death by a million rabid ducklings.-- Worldgineer, Aug 27 2009 Bah.What dreck is this?-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 27 2009 //I don't think you'd make a very good slave...//
I dunno... fit her with a properly spiked shock collar and i think she'd do pretty well for an aspiring slaver. She's got spirit. And apparently needs her chimney cleaned. Who knows, somebody might like that sort of thing.-- 21 Quest, Aug 27 2009 A million is a very big number.-- wjt, Aug 27 2009 That's why I picked it. It's difficult to viualise a million of anything, but it's also a number most people think they understand.-- UnaBubba, Aug 27 2009 halfbakery