I don't know anyone who really enjoys being kissed by musty old spinster aunts. You know, the ones who've been kissing you all of your life and you're afraid might slip the tongue in if you're not really careful?

Anti-Aunty Mabel Creme is an odourless cosmetic potion that tastes so terribly bad that the kisser of the kisser will be horribly puckered after the event, much like the kisser of Yasser Arafat used to be.

Apply sparingly, upon the spot where the offending kisser usually sticks its withered, cat's bum lips.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 12 2006

Did you know cats can read with their bums?
-- normzone, Jan 12 2006


That explains a lot, [bliss]. All that time I thought they were coffee rings :( You're telling me the cat left them there?
-- UnaBubba, Jan 12 2006


Was I talking? Anyway, did anyone else see the story about dogs being able to "smell" cancer from the breath of humans? Fascinating.
-- blissmiss, Jan 12 2006


Y'see! That's what I love about this place. Another day stretches out before me full of boring shite and I open the HB and this is the first thing I see and already my screen is speckled with coffee spray. Magic.
-- squeak, Jan 13 2006


I used to glue Blue Bottle flies to my chin using a paste made of creamy white eggs.
-- skinflaps, Jan 13 2006


"Aunt Mabel! Not on the lips!"

"But that's the only place where it doesn't taste so bad."
-- Ling, Jan 13 2006


//dogs being able to "smell" cancer from the breath of humans//

We used to reckon we could tell that my uncle had bowel cancer... or a rat had crawled up his arse and died.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 13 2006


Which was it?
-- miasere, Jan 13 2006


Dunno. He died of a heart attack, on Xmas Day 1991. Never did find out...
-- UnaBubba, Jan 13 2006


//maybe a pre-emptive strike on this front could cure the problem for good?\\

Well, it works for/against dogs. I hate when they lick me and breath all over me. So I go HEHEHEHEHEHE with my tongue hanging out right in their face. The dog is startled to say the least and doesn't bother me again.
-- zeno, Jan 13 2006


Do you have to sniff its butt, too?
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2006


If I feel so inclined, yes.
-- zeno, Jan 14 2006


Cool. Got photos?
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2006


Do they make one for officers? 'Cause my commander keeps breathing down my neck, and vice-versa do they make that works in reverse for young women?
-- 21 Quest, Jan 14 2006


Of course they don't have one that attracts young women! Eeeewww, why would I want another woman kissing me? Especially an attractive, virile, lithe, sensuous... Oops!
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2006


Repellaunt +
-- thumbwax, Jan 15 2006


Name altered, to incorporate [thumb]'s excellent suggestion.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 15 2006


Inside every scary, apple core faced aunty there to kiss you, there's an attractive, virile, lithe, sensuous... Oops!
-- reensure, Jan 16 2006


Yeah... that tongue tastes horrible, doesn't it?
-- UnaBubba, Jan 16 2006


Dude, that's just sick, both of you last two. (as I suppress a shudder)
-- 21 Quest, Jan 16 2006


Relative humidity: The perspiration that beads on your aunts mustache as she plants one on you.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 17 2006


That's not the version I know, [2fries].
-- UnaBubba, Jan 17 2006


Heavily edited for content.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 21 2006



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