Have a go at writing a meaningful and witty limerick for a regular half-baker, and see what other people write about you!

To start:
A half-baker, waugsqueke so named,
For his wittiness, oft was he famed,
But his banter was marred,
By bad puns, the false bard,
For which he should feel quite ashamed.

<yes, I know, hello Mr Pot.....>
-- goff, May 09 2001

When coming to the 1/2B to visit,
PeterSealy's links can be exquisite,
But don't make a mistake,
Or he'll declare you quite "Baked",
Qui extremum risit optime risit!
-- Susen, May 09 2001


A halfbaker is Susen, indeed,
Horses and insight she'll breed,
You may think "no harm!"
'Til she speaks of her farm,
And goes on 'til your eyes do bleed.

< ;) >
-- PotatoStew, May 09 2001


He's both a stew and a mouse (so he saith).
And we're all glad he came here and stayeth.
For a soup made of 'taters,
He's a master debater
When it comes to the matters of faith.
-- beauxeault, May 09 2001


While surfing one day without thought,
Into our web came Mihali and got caught,
He tried to resist,
To cease and desist,
But was overcome by the PeterSealyBot.
-- Susen, May 09 2001


Often this baker be critical,
With a keen mind, always analytical,
He quickly sifts through the dregs,
He's neither chicken nor egg,
And speaks only of things most veridical.

[fixed. I like now. :) alternatively, try 'And avoids arguments proselytical.']
-- absterge, May 09 2001


susen that was great :o)

unabubba always has a good rhyme
his poems and songs we enjoy for a time
but puns in this fashion
are really his passion
he never struggles to write that fifth line.

...like i do.
-- mihali, May 09 2001, last modified May 10 2001


Our well-seasoned baker most venerable,
Has prodigious ideas innumerable,
To this self-proclaimed coot,
Chef hats off in salute,
For rayfo, baker insurmountable.
-- absterge, May 09 2001


Really, goff, thanks for this post,
It's keeping some bakers engrossed,
You've got my vote "for",
And I'm reasonably sure,
PeterSealy can't turn you to toast.
-- Susen, May 09 2001


Thank you, my friend, waugsqueke,
I appreciate your fine critique,
Now if I could get Stew,
To do a rewrite or two,
I wouldn't feel quite so bleak.....
-- Susen, May 09 2001


absterge is a baker fantastic,
his responses are most enthusiastic,
he's happy to add,
thoughts, good and bad,
without being too bombastic.

(capitalization avoided out of respect to subject :-)
-- Susen, May 09 2001


now, that's funny!
-- Susen, May 09 2001


As a newbie, I argued quite long
With UnaBubba (smart but headstrong)
He called me a prat
And it's moments like that
That caused me to know I belong
-- globaltourniquet, May 09 2001


Susen, please don't be sad!
In writing, best intentions I had,
That's part of your charm,
These tales of your farm
(And now I feel like a cad!)

Let's see...

The halfbaker Susen's so neat
Without her we'd be incomplete
Her notes are a prize
Both funny and wise
And sometimes they're anti-concrete.
-- PotatoStew, May 09 2001


Dear PotatoStew you are truly a gent,
From your new verse it's quite evident,
Don't feel too bad,
I'm sure it's ironclad,
That others share your original sentiment!

;-)
-- Susen, May 09 2001


Globaltourniquet, I called you a prat?
I don't ever recall doing that
Oh... I did. Well, I'm sure
That now I abjure
The sentiment which led to the spat.

Ahh, the halfbaker named PeterSealy
A man neither touchy nor feely
And who for truculence's sake
Declares everything baked
In logic explained quite unclearly

Adam_Buxton, Dan, Liz & Joe
A 'person' whom none of us know
Created a stink
Over a horrible drink
And tried to scramble our minds, dontcha know.

And I mustn't forget my mate 'Stew,
Arguments? We've had a few
On the nature of God
We've turned every clod
And still maintain our points of view

Susen, our friend with the horses
Which she breeds to perform on racecourses
But look into her past
You'll be quite aghast
At the erudite tone of her sources

Rods Tiger, whose comedic path
And ideas are good for a laugh
You'll see order unravelled
When the eye has but travelled
The length of just one paragraph

And now I must go do some work,
I'm sorry, I don't mean to shirk
I'll be back soon with more
Someone else take the floor
Reality's back with a jerk

-- UnaBubba, May 09 2001


(since riposte has asked for New Gods for modern living----someone else can add the link---....how about a god and goddess of the halfbakery?.....)

Ahem....

All Hail UnaBubba, god of Bakers,
Poets, pedants, protagonists, peacemakers,
All acknowledge his reign,
And feel small and mundane,
For we are but mortal bread makers.

Of course, Jutta is goddess supreme,
And reigns over all as the queen,
With her shield and her sword,
She is most adored,
For serving us halfbaked cuisine.
-- Susen, May 09 2001


Susen, that's quite a stretch
To deify this humble wretch
There are surely others
Among my halfbrothers
More deserving of your witty sketch.
-- UnaBubba, May 09 2001


UnaBubba, your humbleness is well said,
But, I'll add to the pantheon instead,
With a wink and a nod,
I'll make PeterSealy the god,
Of delicious, nutritious, BAKED bread!
-- Susen, May 09 2001


If laughter be medicine prime,
Ye bakers will have me some time,
Forever I howl,
At ideas most fowl,
And limericks insane and sublime.
-- absterge, May 10 2001


absterge i thought you're like me
"no capitals!" you've said, see?
your limerick shows
you've a while to go
to learn lower case's intricacy.

-- mihali, May 10 2001


susen your rhymes are just great
especially when you syncopate
when i read your best
i feel it in my chest
but i think it was just something i ate. <burp!>

you 'bakers have been nice all told
to have accepted me into your fold
but all this fun
means less work done
i wish i could put you on hold.

-- mihali, May 10 2001


It seems we're neglecting some friends,
degroof, Starchaser, and sirrobin,
Thumbwax, acb,
Dog Ed, Uncle Nutsy,
It's time to start making amends!

And how could I forget Beauxeault?
Guerilla baker, quid pro quo,
There's 1% still,
And DrBob to reveal,
It's amazing how many I know!
-- Susen, May 10 2001


mihali, you've misconstrued,
The intention to which I allude,
Was only for me.
Capitalize properly,
But my name from your rule set exclude.
(you see?)

*g* that last bit defies rigid limerick structure, I suppose, but it fit the meter and the rhyme, so it stays.
-- absterge, May 10 2001


Though nothing's new under the sun
We post our ideas in fun
I know it's not serious
But I'm really curious
Why is Panic PIN still #1?

-- globaltourniquet, May 10 2001


The problem, you see, is so true,
Panic PIN's votes number one-oh-two,
As top of the list,
It keeps getting hits,
When viewed by somebody new.

It's a crime! This list of "best"!
For it gives no chance to the rest,
But we need a way,
Our purpose to convey,
And this list is good for the guests.....
-- Susen, May 10 2001


absterge i'm sorry, you're right
please let's not start a fight
my apology here
i've written clear
thanks for helping me see the light.

-- mihali, May 10 2001


Well I'm not into idea wars
If I were that keen on my scores
I'd give a dead fish
To all on the list
Above "Use Bizarre Metaphors"
-- globaltourniquet, May 10 2001


GlobalT, I'm glad you feel you belong,
But, dude, have you got it wrong!
Your "Bizarre" idea was cute,
And, yes, quite a hoot,
But not as funny as Zippy's "Chicken Bong"!

:-P
-- Susen, May 10 2001


Susen, I'm loathe to protest
HB items don't make the list
But I've no problem noting
Fishbone's how I'm voting
Your suspect iamb anapest
-- globaltourniquet, May 10 2001


GT, I'm seeing a theme...
I fear you have low self-esteem...
Who cares what's "best"?
Don't get so obsessed,
It's just fun to be part of the team!
-- Susen, May 10 2001


Your obsesssion (sic) with Halfbakery Song
Is misguided, sick, perverted and wrong
It was written in jest
And by no means is best
Of the ideas (sic) produced by this throng.

My pick is Poetic Legalese
Mickey the Fish produces with ease
Ideas so bizarre
He's leading by far
All, including Rings of Cream Cheese.

Then TPPCPPC Lyrics
Held us all in its thrall in hysterics
They would have loved every verse
And have begun to rehearse
In iambics, dactylics and pyrrhics
-- UnaBubba, May 10 2001


I have great sense of worth, yes it's true:
Though I'm a contemptible fool
Not worth much attention
Not even a mention
I still think I'm better than you

(PS: I sure hope I don't have to use any markup language with these brilliant pieces of poetic expression to indicate facetiousness.....)
-- globaltourniquet, May 10 2001


:::::::: Go, Waugs !! (applause) ::::::::
-- UnaBubba, May 12 2001


Susen thanks for the thanks, I'll admit,
I'd never have thought that I'd sit,
For ten minutes or more,
Reading score ofter score,
What a blue touch paper I lit!
(yeah, the last line doesn't scan but there you go..)

But I'm sorry to see that despite,
All the obvious half-baker delight,
That my vote tally stands,
At just six well raised hands,
And I voted as well, it's not right!

(well, this is the first decent idea I've had!)
-- goff, May 18 2001


Sorry, I'd been too busy appreciating to vote. You now have seven.
-- angel, May 18 2001


I have to agree with you Goff,
Six croissants does not seem enough,
You've already got mine,
I can vote but one time,
Recognition from this lot is tough.
-- UnaBubba, May 18 2001


I've come to this late, and its vision
quite admirable, has an omission.
Pray, let me submit,
with my usual slow wit,
our dear angel as my addition.
-- lewisgirl, Aug 04 2001


The halfbakers said, 'write a poem.'
And so I figured I'd show 'em.
Thought I had licked
This Limerick,
But what the heck rhymes with 'poem?'
-- RayfordSteele, Feb 20 2002


Knock, knock.

No, wait...
-- phoenix, Feb 20 2002


Frappe, frappe!
Qui est la?
Losty
Losty qui?
Oui

-- goff, Mar 21 2002


My first days here were most debated
Some thought by lg I was created
Now this guy from Louisiana
Even won a BT-Y-ANA
But...I just may have been reincarnated.....
;-)
-- runforrestrun, Mar 21 2002


There's one we all seem to forget,
A 'baker we all owe a debt,
She runs the whole place,
And will get in your face,
If you screw up, or mess up her pet.
-- UnaBubba, Apr 06 2002


I am really quite fond of this place,
Where the rats find relief from the race,
But if I get caught by the prof,
I'll most likely be offed,
For I fear he won't much like my taste.
-- Pseudonym #3, Apr 06 2002


<not a limerick> I see a ~lot~ of these coming up about me... </not a limerick>
-- NickTheGreat, Aug 02 2002


Young Nick, said (by him) to be Great
Has more fishbones than bread on his plate
He'd not get such a roasting
If he'd *think* before posting
And not make other bakers irate
-- angel, Aug 02 2002


Extra syllable in last line? Or am I saying it wrong?
Looks like I need an HB mentor to guide me to true greatness. Agree?
-- NickTheGreat, Aug 02 2002


Case in point.
-- angel, Aug 02 2002


There once was a Great man called Nick
Some bakers considered him thick
He asked for some verse
But that made things worse
And he better apologise quick.

(Although I guess we should appreciate him having a name that rhymes easily.)
-- pottedstu, Aug 02 2002


What, 'Great'?
I'm still dreading two inevitable combinations.........
Oh, and I'm sorry.
-- NickTheGreat, Aug 07 2002


One name here has been missed:
That of our own dear blissed,
Though normally sweet,
Lest this gap we replete,
Shirley she will get pissed?
-- yamahito, Aug 07 2002


Of [Yamahito] I've grown quite fond,
On AIM do we correspond,
He's quick with a joke,
Like all you HalfBaked folk,
and of criticism he is beyond.

[UnaBubba] rules o'er HB land,
Protecting it with a heavy hand,
He ensures that each newb
is no trolling boob
Without him, this site'd be bland.

Dear [thumb] has a taste for trolls,
as the Bakery he diligently patrols,
He'll offer an annotation
for near every occasion
Here, he plays an important role.

I could never forget friend [bliss]
Without whom we'd Shirley be amiss,
She's a wit with the best
Ever ready with a jest,
She cannot be easily dissmiss'd.
-- watermelancholy, Aug 07 2002


One more female baker we know,
Not by poo, poop or doo, just po.
She's good for a laugh,
Or a chuckle or half,
With each clever, witty anno.
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 07 2002


Oh Lord, how could I forget
You whom I owe such a debt!
From yamahito
To dearest po:
you're the best teacher I've had yet!

-- yamahito, Aug 07 2002


Farmer
Charmer
smiling fresh face
lives in a nice place
good kharma
-- po, Aug 07 2002


Yam
Damn
Ta
Ra
HAD YET?
-- po, Aug 07 2002


At UB I often have laughed
While many a troll he gave shaft:
Odious *_uk
He made to go 'way
with references to a spacecraft

Oh dear, I think I like this game a little *too* much..

(po: well, you know what I mean..)
-- yamahito, Aug 07 2002


;)
-- po, Aug 07 2002


Bliss who was gone is now here,
& Susen & Sealy appear.
They've been readjusted,
Had fixed what's been busted,
And now can drink beer through an ear.
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 08 2002


I am the baker, NickTheGreat
I make everyone quite irate
I post my ideas
And everyone sneers
— the baker you all love to hate
-- NickTheGreat, Aug 08 2002


Oh Nick, that anno is typical
Of those that get us in a pickle,
Although you we don't hate,
You certainly Grate:
So everyone thinks you're a dickle.

The limerics here all refer,
To others, to Him or to Her
Not to your own
For that we bemoan
So buck up or fuck off, dear sir.
-- yamahito, Aug 08 2002


Crappy ideas he produces in spate ,
His bleating seems not to abate,
A blennogenous nerd?,
A malodorous turd?,
No, just an idiot called NickTheGreat.
-- UnaBubba, Aug 08 2002


This site I did stumble upon After being randomly drawn; Doughnuts, Spiders, and Brains, "A Tagline that's not Lame"; Bizzare mind fodder sure turns me on.
-- kittybot, Aug 09 2002


Some folks here don't get NTG.
Call me soft, but he doesn't bug me.
You may think him bland
but please understand
That through all, he's not GTT.

I fear a Kobayashi Maru
That we're somehow putting Nick through
'though he wrote self-referentially,
no one wrote me correctingly
when I first gave my poem to you.

-- RayfordSteele, Aug 09 2002


Because I realize that, for limericks, my name is prohibitively long, I'd like to remind you all to abbreviate as you see fit-- 'h2Omellon' rhymes easily. Thanks.
-- watermelancholy, Aug 09 2002


<scotch accent to rhyme>

It has been talked of before,
Nick's malady and his cure:
Although now he's puerile,
It may all be worthwhile
If he's given some time to mature.

</scotch accent>
-- yamahito, Aug 09 2002


I'll not forget watermelancholy,
Nor Calum, Sctld, Wax and Molly;
Words often failed me
as each of 'em mailed me,
Making my evening more jolly.
-- yamahito, Aug 09 2002


Thanks to thumbwax, blissmiss and po,
waugsqueake, ravenswood, hippo,
DeGroof, Aristotle,
Phoenix, ruby, angel,
forrest, genius and sappho.

And to 8th, XX, Dr Bob-Curry,
reensure, brackforn, Steele, Silly,
tomato, Mephista,
beauxeault, Unabubba,
yamahito, you others and sadie.
-- FarmerJohn, Aug 10 2002


I've decided to move this over to poetry where it belongs (now there's a category for it)
-- goff, Sep 20 2002


Farmer John, you forgot one more thing What about the famed chicken-like wing? Sure, it's not made of chicken but It's still good for lickin' And why not? Let's read the I-Ching.
-- endaphia, Sep 09 2003


Because I was feeling quite bored
I wrote this just to see who adored,
My wit and compassion,
And my trend-setting fashion.
But it seems that my theory is flawed.

-- DrBob, Sep 10 2003


omg, I didn't see this before. I already posted one elsewhere, but let me see... Here you go, DrBob

There once was a poster named Bob
Perhaps he saves lives on his job
His verse is compelling
He must have read Shelley
Since his ancient tomb he did rob

-- theircompetitor, Feb 08 2004


//Perhaps he saves lives on his job//

Well, I could argue a case to support such a proposition. Having no medical qualifications whatever I guess that I'm saving lives by not being a brain surgeon.
-- DrBob, Feb 09 2004


DrBob: It's hard to use PhD in poetry :)
-- theircompetitor, Feb 09 2004


There once was a baker called FJ,
I could read his ideas all day.
Picture's he'll draw.
Of clocks without flaw,
anologue or digital display!
-- Jinbish, Feb 09 2004


There was once a poet called Fanny

Who was quite unaccountably canny.

She felt life was flawed,

but heard folks applaud

when her verse was heard on the trannie.*

*nb this is old-fashioned UK slang for a transistor radio, not for Ediie Izzard : )
-- zebedee, Mar 12 2004


Please listen, my dear Zebedee
These lines are about, not by, thee
When you look above
You'll get meaning of
This limerick category

-- theircompetitor, Mar 12 2004


I see that you posted, thiercompetitor
And I jumped on this chance like a preditor
To write a poem about you
Click 'OK' and be though
In the morning I'll look for an editor

As for UnaBubba how should I begin
In a poetry brawl, surely, you'd win
Or I could post this thought
When you are looking not
Actually, the logic in that's rather thin

-- sartep, Mar 13 2004


Where does one start with this sartep
Whose name rhymes with Amenhotep
I dare not take another step
Without my Rhymezone and some prep

But in the morning I'll return
And try to limerick, not churn
words that maintain the proper beat
Thought it may be no simple feat...

Ah, much better

There once was a baker, sartep
No pharaoh, no Amenhotep
For his fancy burial
He wanted an Aerial
He always did walk out of step

-- theircompetitor, Mar 13 2004


An now from what I see Theircompetitor retorts
It made me laugh, to him I give credit or reports
That he can see
It amused me like Rosetta Cemetery
(You can see the levels rhyming your name to which one resorts)

-- sartep, Mar 17 2004


A broken and rusty old door hinge...

(oh wait... can I start again?)

Whilst mining for gold and for silver...

(oops... one more chance please)

The king in his garments of purple...

(I'm not very good at this)

BTW I think "phloem" might rhyme with "poem".
-- Gamma48, May 12 2009


I tire of ideas that are Baked.

I see one and cry "For God's Sake!"

With Google I search,

For Google's my church,

Then I post an appropriate link.

I explain my position,

Then seek my physician,

for this madness has brought me to the brink.
-- 21 Quest, May 12 2009


There was a halfbaker called Quest
Who was looking to feather his nest
With a five second search
He'd [mfd] his perch
Thinking that he was just doing his best
-- bigsleep, May 12 2009


Gamma's contribution made me laugh pretty hard. I'm still laughing now.
-- bungston, May 12 2009


Yeah, that was pretty funny.
-- 21 Quest, May 13 2009


A baker named Gamma, four, eight
For the poetic muses did wait.
Despite some false starts,
He was quite good in parts,
But a failure to rhyme was his fate.
-- DrBob, May 13 2009


A baker who's handle was Bob,
Once filled out an ad for a job.
An apparent physician,
His face invokes Titian
On account of the hair round his gob!
-- zen_tom, May 13 2009


Having read all this wonderful poetry,
I remember why I love the 'bakery,
But there's 'bakers quite famed,
Who are as yet unnamed,
Among which are [2fries] and [nineteenthly].

[2 fries shy of a happy meal] is one,
With a magnetic attraction to buns,
His Chainoodles, Chesshenge,
Plus Treethedral, Top Tens,
Have given us no end of fun.

[nineteently] is amazing at German,
Which makes his highest idea predetermined,
The Helm of Fuþark, it's named,
And it's highly acclaimed,
Teaching Vikings to write by self-harming.
-- up_on_cloud_nine, May 13 2009


[xenzag]'s page just goes on forever,
He really is awfully clever,
With a combination of fun,
Good science and buns,
He's got almost no bones whatsoever

[xandram] is also a genius,
Just read Bakin' Care of Business,
She's funny and kind,
With the right state of mind,
To fishbone her would be an injustice
-- up_on_cloud_nine, May 13 2009


There once was a baker zen tom
who lived in Dorchester with his mom
each day he did flee
to his computer to see
if his idea was a hit or a bomb.
-- blissmiss, May 13 2009


A baker by name of blissmiss,
Was, in terms of accuracy remiss,
'Cos in London I reside,
Without my Mom by my side,
Though, to be honest, I her, do occasionally miss.
-- zen_tom, May 13 2009


A baker called MaxwellBuchanan
Rode a ball that was shot from a cannon.
He could smell the N-Prize
As he rose through the skies
But the weight was too much with a man on.
-- DrBob, May 13 2009


When on newbies' ideas I weigh-in,
Tis to [krelnik] I offer this pean,
For his acronym proud,
When I say it out loud:
WTAGIPBAN !
-- csea, May 13 2009


[[applause]]
-- blissmiss, May 13 2009



halfbakery