We all know about the politically correct nursery rhymes and Little Red Riding Hood's father being an economically challenged woodcutter etc.. but wouldnt halfbakery rhymes be more fun? I envisage the big bad wolf threatening to blow down the little piggies' Film Noir Homes, Little Red Riding Hood's father being a Custard Engineer, Little Miss Muffet being scared by a Mosh-Buddy-Pogo-Weeble, Goldilocks (wearing her glow in the dark hair dye) eating all of the three bears caffeinated breakfast cereal, and finally, of course, in the deluxe pack all the rhymes could be in the Third Person Plural Conditional Past Perfect Continuous... just to be silly.
oh yes, I almost forgot the Grand old Duke of York and his flocking Road cones!-- The_Englishman_Abroad, Oct 01 2001 baked. UB will do these periodically. Just don't ask for them... let them appear organically. They're much better that way - the spontaneity is what makes them great.-- lewisgirl, Oct 01 2001 I would keep this idea... oh and you forgot shrodingers duke of york...-- RobertKidney, Oct 01 2001 //in the deluxe pack all the rhymes could be in the Third Person Plural Conditional Past Perfect Continuous... just to be silly.//
You mean, "...just to have been being silly."-- PotatoStew, Oct 01 2001 Oh, all right then...
Schrodinger's Duke of York Thought he had ten thousand men He marched up to the top of the hill When he looked they may well have always been at the bottom.
Sing a song for jutta Bulletproof custard in a pie Four and twenty croissants Say Jamie Oliver must die
Around and 'round halfbakery The egnor chased the Sealy They link and sledge each other all day This place ain't touchy feely
They would have been rowing, rowing, rowing their boats Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily Life would have been being but a dream.
I'm sure I'll think of more. I just have to get some work done for now.-- UnaBubba, Oct 01 2001 Apologies to Herr Brahms
Halfbakery, take a bite, it's a pedant's delight With croissants o'erspread is Peter's sweet head Post an idea and rest, watch him bake it in jest Post an idea and rest, watch him bake it in jest
Halfbakery, take a bite, this is jutta's delight Bright fishbones beside my ideas abide They shall keep thee depress'd, thou shalt slash at thine wrists They shall keep thee depress'd, thou shalt slash at thine wrists-- UnaBubba, Oct 02 2001 I guess the reverse of this idea, would be to post nursery rhymes as halfbakery ideas. E.G: DIY WOUND DRESSING Scalp injuries can be repaired quickly and hygenically by applying papier mache. Using acetic acid instead of water will help cleanse the wound and reduce subsequent infection, while the colour of paper used can be matched to hair colour (eg brown) for cosmetic purposes. NOVELTY POLECATS Feed your polecat a mixture of 227 grammes of unrefined sugar mollasses together with 227 grammes of plain white rice. You will find that the expense is well worth the resulting hilarious sound effects! TALKING BELLS Navigation around tourist cities could be made much easier if church belltowers were fitted with loudspeakers to indicate the name of the church. To add local flavour, the announcements could be tailored to fit in with local practices, e.g. the bells in London could all use Cockney rhyming slang.-- Lemon, Oct 02 2001 Ilike it, Lemon. It puts me in mind, stylistically speaking, of the Peter Sellers/Richard III/Hard Days Night sketch. How about this one... SONIC BLASTER MOUSE TRAPS Clocks should be fitted with highly sensitive motion detectors. Just before you go to bed at night you press a button to activate the clocks secondary function. Once activated the clock will transmit a high powered sonic 'stun' wave if it detects the tell tale scratching noises of small rodents.-- DrBob, Oct 02 2001 TRAINED AMATEUR WATERFOWL CAMERAMEN A small video camera, mounted to the head of a goose will allow candid shots from any floor of a house and even inside women's bedrooms.-- UnaBubba, Oct 02 2001 DIET LEADS TO OVERPOPULATION AND MINITURISATION The consumption of thick soup and the elimination of wheat products from the diet encourages large families capable of living in footwear.-- st3f, Oct 02 2001 VEGETARIAN GUILTY OF DEPRIVATION OF LIBERTY A man known to authorities only as Peter has apparently kept his wife for several years, imprisoned in a giant pumpkin shell. Consisiting solely on a diet of pumpkin products, she is believed to be in good health. The man's colleagues said "He was a quiet chap, though he did have something of a fascination with becoming a baker. Thank heavens he never decided to bake his wife to supplement his diet."-- UnaBubba, Oct 02 2001 POULTRY PIES, FIT FOR A KING Select 24 live, plump blackbirds and enclose and bake in a blindbaked pieshell. Care should be taken to ensure the birds are not injured and are still able to break into their customary song once the pie is opened.
This may already be baked, as rumours of a chef to the royal household engaging in this practice have been vehemently denied by an official spokesperson in the employ of King Juan Carlos of Spain. Similar rumours about the practice have been circulating for several centuries, though they appear to dog only male monarchs.-- UnaBubba, Oct 02 2001, last modified Oct 03 2001 PENSIONER'S DOG STARVES TO DEATH
The R.S.P.C.A. were outraged last night by the sudden demise of Fang, Mrs Flo Hubbard's pekinese-mastiff crossbreed. "I blame the foot and mouth crisis for the current lack of cow bones" said a spokesperson.-- pussygalore, Oct 03 2001 Somewhere along the line the ideas turned into news stories...-- PotatoStew, Oct 04 2001 My fault. It was too hard to come up with an idea to incorporate Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater.-- UnaBubba, Oct 04 2001 Somewhere along the line the ideas turned into news stories...-- PotatoStew, Oct 04 2001 halfbakery