The US comedian Bob Newhart used to do a series of one-sided conversations which I found hilariously funny. In these, the audience would only hear his side of the dialogue, their imaginations being left to fill in the other.
With the advent of the mobile phone, this genre could be given a new lease of life to brighten the day of weary commuters, and would make a welcome change from the tedious conversations normally overheard on public transport.
The performer uses a phone (it need not be a real one) to make or receive a call while on a crowded train. He proceeds to carry on a conversation with an imaginary third party. Suitable scenarios would include:
"The Man Whose Wife Has Just Murdered The Gasman, And Wishes Hubby To Arrange For Disposal Of The Body"
"The Alien Tourist To Earth Phoning Home To Procyon 4 And Describing The Whacky Earthlings"
Other suggestions are most welcome. Perhaps a book could be published, or an Arts Council grant obtained.-- Mickey the Fish, Jul 13 2000 Excellent One-Sided Tech Support Call http://www.deadtroll.com/stream.htmlHere's an excellent example of what Mickey The Fish is talking about. The guy in the sketch is an old friend who used to work with me in tech support. [BigThor, Jul 13 2000] Hey, who's a genius!! You, Mickey the Fish. I'm just gonna add that if you're with friends and they have cellphones it is really entertaining (for those participating as well as, I assume, the people sitting nearby) to have bizzare conversations on the phone with your friend sitting right next to you. try it.-- mary, Aug 02 2000 How about "Terrorist Chum Has Taken Delivery Of Weapons Grade Plutonium And Needs Precise Instructions On How To Load It Into Warhead" ?-- ccaamgw, Aug 02 2000 I dare someone to perform either dialogue in my hometown church, *during* the service. I'd pay to see that. I'd pay a _lot_.-- julien, Aug 17 2000 Specially for julien:
"The Man Who Gets A Call From God During A Church Service. God Disagrees With What The Minister Is Preaching"-- Mickey the Fish, Aug 18 2000 I love this idea... You'd just have to be able to make it funny without causing other commuters to use THEIR cell phones to call the police to meet you at the next subway station. And don't mention weapons in airports. They're touchy.
BTW, the phone call with God idea has been definitively baked by Ellen DeGeneres.-- andreamer, Aug 30 2000 man pretending to be F.B.I agent/MI5 operative giving description of suspect to the SWAT/special forces team....-- kaz, Dec 15 2001 (man is conveniently giving description of person standing nearby)-- kaz, Dec 15 2001 +-- xandram, Jul 19 2013 Doubtless Robin Williams (and of course Bob Newhart) could pull it off; few others without practice...
unless of course there was a 1-900 number you could call for the script that you'd repeat back.
< Say "What do you mean it's radioactive !"> "What do you mean it's radioactive !!!" < Now pet your pocket or bag and say "no, I've got it right here"> ..."I've got it right here."
...-- FlyingToaster, Jul 19 2013 I used to get mad at people who sat right in back of me and started loud conversations. But lately I just pick up my battery-dead phone to my ear, and continue the conversation with my answers. Makes for an interesting dialog, and usually ends up with an amused crowd, who realize early on what's going on. The loud speakers are usually last to catch on, and are never sure if its a joke on them, so they move to a whisper, and everybody sighs in relief.-- pashute, Jul 20 2013 random, halfbakery