"When I was twelve I wanted to be a real man — an old man with a beard, sitting at a table with a huge book full of wisdom. And what did society hold up to me for my admiration? A golfer, a boxer, a man who ran quickly; a soldier, a lawyer, a tycoon; a motorist, a pop star; a footballer. Into what kind of madhouse had I been born? And what have I become? A child, witlessly pouring out whatever enters my head. I am a madman and people gather to listen to me make a fool of myself. I am not a role model. This is my protection and security. I still long for the table and the book, the smell of an old man and an old book; the afternoon light fading." -- Ivor Cutler.

ah fuck it
e++ p- s g- B+(Sc+) !A n G- r E+ C- V++(-) a I t-- X-(+++) CH++ !T(-)

[Jan 24 2001, last modified Oct 13 2009]

3D Michael Jackson Face Jigsaw (+12, -4)
Acronym Vocable Barbershop (+3, -1)
Autistic Theatre Company (+2, -4)
Bagpipe Vending Machine (+20, -5)
Bath Plaque Dye (+13, -1)
Black Pudding Making Ballet Shoes (+11, -9)
Bleeding Bodywork (+6, -1)
Blood Glory Hole (+16, -3)
Bus Full of Flies (+8, -5)
Candle Chess (+3, -1)
Capability Brown's Abraham Lincoln Spirit Level (+30, -1)
Celebrity-Music Shoehorning Game (+30, -4)
Charity Mugger British Bulldogs (+5, -3)
Chillumination (+13, -1)
Cig Graffiti (+3, -6)
Circle of Meat (+6, -4)
Click Notch Foam Squirt (+16, -1)
Cobblers On Stilts (+5, -7)
Commuter Lungs (+13, -1)
Competitive Mixtaping (+9, -2)
Contrarian Party (+3, -2)
Cough Burp Fart Sonata (+3, -6)
Crayon Printer (+6, -3)
Creeping Paranoia Prank Programme (+9, -5)
Cud Stopper (+7, -2)
Dastardly Fussy Stereo (+18, -1)
Dead Words Dictionary (+32, -3)
Digital Picture Frame Oscillator (+10, -1)
Dogs Staring At Toddlers (+12, -3)
Drift Bubble Pop Table (+5)
Drop Gusset Rotatopants (+3, -2)
Dynamic Stamp (+1)
Exposition Excision (+3, -3)
Fabergé Peanut (+14, -6)
Fake Plastic Trees (+18, -1)
Fish Lifter (+2)
Fishophone (+6, -1)
Flaming Fury Brolly (+14)
Flip-flopping Pavlovian Populace (+9, -3)
Fruit Chute (+9)
Gamer's Decompression (+39)
Geta Cats (+4, -4)
Graduated Prose Style Taxonomy (+6)
Gravel Moat (+3, -1)
Gritter Modification (+11)
Haemorrhoid Barre (+3, -2)
Hair Toothpaste (+4, -7)
Hallucinogenic Sunburn Relief Verruca Socks (+14, -3)
Handclap Targeting Thatcher Hovercraft (+7, -2)
Happy Hatstand (+7, -1)
Haunted Bog Brush (+13, -4)
Hog Nose Bell (+8)
Hooked on Hold! (+2)
Hope Quotient (+2)
Hover Cot (+11)
Ice Pubes (+2, -5)
Kayak Shower Safety Wellytops (+5, -2)
Kilt Coil (+2)
Labyrinthine Marriage Bureaucracy (+14, -1)
Legislative Sculpture (+8)
Magnetophonic Tesla Coil Bowls (+10)
Mechanical Redialer (+8)
Mime Creation (+2, -2)
Multidirectional Disco Globe (+2)
Musical Photo Booth (+11)
Mystery Men, Inc. (+9)
Narwhal Wedding Ring Toss (+9, -1)
Neon Wedding Dancefloor Asteroids (+12, -1)
New Book Perfume (+15)
Newscaster Handover Conversation Termination (+3, -2)
No More Tears Sticking Plaster (+1)
Office Collision Avoidance Cards (+3, -1)
Panda Corporation (+7, -2)
Pareidolia Photocopier (+7)
Peanut Butter and Cheese Sandwich CD Carry Case (+20)
Pen Man (+2, -1)
Pianow (+9)
Pigeon Power (+9, -5)
Plagiaristic Films (+31, -2)
Pneumatic Seal (+4)
Pointy Graboid Armhandle (+1)
Pram Cowcatcher (+5)
Pylon Painter's Exoskeleton (+4)
Random Video Store (+8, -2)
Redactomatic (+3)
Robert Shields Re-enactment (+5)
Robot-fu (+10, -2)
Samurai Government (+8, -3)
Scab Beard (+8, -8)
Scratch & Sniff Before & After Deodorant Ads (+6, -2)
Secret Boggle (+11)
Sell Ventolin To Injecting Drug Users (+1, -3)
Sex Stopwatch (+2, -2)
Sloth In A Box (+13)
Smarty Pants (+1)
Snap-On Shopping Trolley Handle (+14)
Soap Disfigurement Drop Squad (+3)
Sock Donner (+12)
Sortable Hotel (+2, -1)
Soup Rally (+13)
Staged Mutiny Cruise (+13)
Starchy Fun Pub (+6)
Sweetcorn Lifejackets (+9, -2)
Synchronised Indicators (+14, -2)
Talksicals (+6, -2)
Technological Retardation for Endangered Species Hunting (+10, -1)
Thatched Shoes (+11)
The Gustmatic Midgewig (+18, -1)
The Parties: Where Are They Now? (+11)
The Sexuality Compass (+2)
Tie Fountain (+33)
Tilt-o-Matic Static Car Treadmill (+2)
Ting Tong Ping Pong (+20, -1)
Total Non Sequitur (+4)
Trainspotter Spotting (+41, -3)
Trepanation Valve (+35, -2)
Trident Shooting Desk (+4, -2)
Trumpolining (+4)
Twin Axes Symmetropants (+8, -3)
Two Way Monitor (+4, -2)
Underwear Orientation Compliance Pole (+4, -12)
University of Housework (+27, -4)
Waveform Grill Tray (+5)
Weeble Suction Cups (+6, -1)
Xylophone Cupboard Microballet (+11)
Zip Tie Lamppost Dog Chew (+7, -2)

halfbakery