Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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All Smiles™

Life should be all smiles like a television advert
  (+4, -2)
(+4, -2)
  [vote for,

Joining All Smiles is more than just a choice, it's a lifestyle. When you join, you have a psychometric test and an employment test. This decides what job you will be given by the company. You'll be given a wardrobe of clothes you wear. It ranges from what is fashionable and what's in season. Your job is picked that is suitable to your disposition and that minimises suffering. You're collected for work by a fleet of All Smiles work shuttle buses driven by smiling drivers. You pay a subscription fee as a percentage of your salary. Free dental cover keeps you smiling. All Smiles dating helps you meet someone smiling. At all times you should be presentable for television.
chronological, Jan 10 2020

This guy... https://www.reddit....pit_bbq_as_a_goofy/
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 10 2020]

The_20Brads! [xenzag, Jan 11 2020]

Simon the likeable https://www.youtube...=KJ1cOkxG1sI&t=2m1s
[pashute, Jun 30 2020]


       What a brilliant idea; we cannot praise it too highly. [+]   

       It means that when the Revolution comes and it's time to hunt down all those relentlessly cheerful grinning morons, there will be a nice list including names plus home and work addresses to work from.   

       After all, executing all the politicians won't take more than a couple of days, then it's straight on to this lot.
8th of 7, Jan 10 2020

       //When you join, you have a psychometric test and an employment test//   

       What happens if you fail both?
pocmloc, Jan 10 2020

       You get to stand for public office on the Democratic ticket.   

       Next question ?*   

       *Our favourite colour is Orange. The airspeed velocity of an unladen European** swallow varies between 18.6 and 34.4 KIAS in level flight.   

       ** African swallows are, of course, non-migratory.
8th of 7, Jan 10 2020

       // After all, executing all the politicians won't take more than a couple of days//   

       I think we could stretch that out a bit.
FlyingToaster, Jan 10 2020

       Undoubtedly. What are you suggesting ? Do a few politicians, then some lawyers, then some journalists ?   

       A pause between batches would give time to pick up the spent cases, and have a drink and a sit down while the barrels cool - although if it's a Vickers, you can make the tea with the water from the jacket, and just top it up ready for the next few belts.   

       For serious cases, there's the whole ritual of setting up the Wicker Man, lighting the fire, listening to the screams, and then enjoying the baked potatoes from the glowing embers. That does take time, however. There are several hundred recognized nations in the UN, at one prime minister each evening that's most of a year to work through them.
8th of 7, Jan 10 2020

       The All Smirks cult did so well, this seems like a sure winner.
sninctown, Jan 11 2020

       I'm already all smiles...until I'm not...hahahahahaha
blissmiss, Jan 11 2020

       Misread this as "All Similes™", where you'd have to speak in similes all the time, like an incontinent poet
hippo, Jan 11 2020

       I quite like the smiles idea...., especially if they only recruit people called Brad [+] (see link)
xenzag, Jan 11 2020


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