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Customized nightlights

To ensure domestic tranquility
  [vote for,

My wife needs total darkness to sleep.* A little light doesn’t bother me, perhaps because my eyelids close properly or are more opaque than hers. But indulging her** sometimes means I risk stumbling over or stepping on things*** if I need to navigate out of the bedroom at night for any reason.

The obvious solution is to place floor lights - small battery operated LED lamps with motion detectors - in the corners of the room. These are WKTE and inexpensive. So what can we add to improve this solution?

Why buy a $5 light when a customized version can sell for many times more? The customized version would be tailored to the happy couple’s personal sensitivities, finding the exact color and intensity most likely to assist the person who needs light while not disturbing the other’s sleep. A testing session would consist of each person sitting in a darkened room as different colors and intensities of light go on and off. The person presses a button when they notice the light. The test is repeated with eyes opened and closed, both husband and wife take the test, and lights are then selected from a Venn diagram where “most useful to A” and “least disruptive to B” intersect

The lights themselves are off the shelf, still only about $5 at retail - with the addition of a few cents with of colored plastic tape over the lenses - the exact shade determined by the results of the $500+ testing session. A bargain when compared to the cost of marriage counseling or divorce lawyers.

* At least she claims it is so, and as I know what’s good for me I seldom present evidence to the contrary.

** Again, because I know what’s good for me. “A man fries quick, struck by lightning...”

*** The furnishings don’t change location, but a surprising number of things find their way to the floor on any given night. Extra pillows or a blanket thrown off on a warm evening, a riding crop, handcuffs or keys not put away properly, stuff like that.

kdf, Oct 31 2020

Touch Activated Glowing Wallpaper Touch Activated Glowing Wallpaper
Reminded me of this old chestnut - I was probably undergoing a similar set of negotiations at the time myself. [zen_tom, Nov 05 2020]


       We've got a solution for you. It involves several IR cameras and Alexa. You get out of bed and say, "Alexa, guide me to the bathroom" and you're told "Forward ... forward ... right a bit ... forward ... turn left ... forward ... don't put your foot down just there ... right a bit ... "   

       Or for extra authenticity, Alexa could say - just after you've walked straight into the closed door of the spare room - "Oh, you should have turned right just back there ... "   

       Indeed, you'll be astonished at how versatile Alexa is, if you're prepared to spend endless hours working on something that could be done far more simply using existing technology just to satisfy someone else's totally unrealistic whimsical expectations ...
8th of 7, Oct 31 2020

       As our bedroom is a Faraday cage*, Alexa would be even more difficult to implement here than in your garage. How’s that going?   

*Only partly true, but by mutual agreement it IS a refuge from almost all electronic distractions. The root this HB idea grew from exaggerating the negotiations that preceded getting the floor lights.
kdf, Oct 31 2020

       What's wrong with a couple of those 400w halogen floodlights with infra-red sensors?
pocmloc, Oct 31 2020

       They can cause ringing in the ears. It happens when they wake up someone who's sleeping peacefully, resulting in them catching you a right ding alongside the lughole.   

       // How’s that going? //   

       It's becoming clear that an upgrade to the primary command processor would greatly simplify implementation.   

       // negotiations //   

       Oh, right. Those sort of "negotiations", the "Compiègne, November 1918" style of discussion ...
8th of 7, Oct 31 2020

       1918? No, we came to favorable terms more easily. I got my lights and only had to agree to new room- darkening curtains. The old one were starting to look tatty anyhow.   

       “...an upgrade to the primary command processor would greatly simplify implementation.”

       Are we still talking about Alexa, or modifications to your housemate?
kdf, Oct 31 2020

       // Are we still talking about Alexa, or modifications to your housemate? //   

       Not "modifications " exactly, more a sort of "mid-life upgrade programme" ...   

       // I got my lights and only had to agree to new room- darkening curtains. //   

       If only Kaiser Wilhelm II had been so accommodating ...
8th of 7, Nov 01 2020

       “...in nearly all cases will be "very red light”
- neutrinos_shadow, Nov 01 2020

       Ah, but finding the EXACT shade and intensity, that’s the ticket...   

       “...sleep mask (blindfold)... night vision headset...”

       Kinky. But we put aside all the gear BEFORE we go to sleep.
kdf, Nov 01 2020

       Dimly glowing floor pads that react to your foot pressure like a pressure switch.   

       Or, put a broom in the same location every night. Reach for it and use it to push stuff out of your path when you have to stumble to the bathroom.   

       Maybe adjust her eye shadow formulation so that it never comes off? A few layers should do the trick.
RayfordSteele, Nov 05 2020

       There are a number of durable, opaque inorganic pigments based on metals such as lead, cadmium, mercury and arsenic that exhibit appropriate light-excluding properties.   

       Applied in sufficient quantity on a regular basis, waking up will no longer be a problem.
8th of 7, Nov 05 2020

       Bad idea, 8th. I never inhume anyone without a good reason, i.e. being paid enough. And I don’t keep obvious poisons around the place - apart from them being dishonorable, it would be unwise as she does most of the cooking.   

       And most importantly, I rather like my wife. Despite (or because of) her endearing little quirks.
kdf, Nov 06 2020


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