Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Emotional Support Alligator

  [vote for,

You hear these days a lot about people taking emotional support hamsters, goldfish and other nonsense animals on flights and to places etc.

What good are such wimpy little animals? How much support can they enforce?

People who live on council estates have long had their emotional support rottweilers and pit bulls.

I propose a new range of emotional support alligators, which actually provide — indirectly — all the emotional support one could need.

Ian Tindale, Mar 13 2018

Far more Hitlers than you'd think. https://www.vice.co...ogens-interview-183
They're everywhere. [doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018]

https://en.m.wikipe...Saltwater_crocodile [pertinax, Mar 13 2018]

Dog dies in overhead locker on United Airlines plane http://www.bbc.co.u...-us-canada-43394952
The dog was probably way smarter than the flight attendant... [8th of 7, Mar 14 2018]


       Will there be an express delivery option ?   

       "Send me an Emotional Support Alligator, and make it snappy ! "   

       <dives behind sandbags>
8th of 7, Mar 13 2018

       Could it defend you against malicious alligations?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2018

       Could you train it to attack people wearing Crocs?
hippo, Mar 13 2018

       If your alligator turned out to be too small for your problems, could you arrange to up-scale it ?   

       Is the alligator supplied on a contract basis ? If so, presumably there's Sanity Claws, with real teeth...
8th of 7, Mar 13 2018

       I'm going to get mine a little vest, and then he'll be an investigator.   

       [8th of 7], since American alligators can reach 200+ kilograms (about 500 pounds), up-scaling from that level might be a tad difficult. An adult male gorilla might weigh more. A rhinocerous almost certainly weighs more. And since both have larger brains than alligators, they presumably are more train-able.   

       I note that elephants of course weigh more, and have even bigger brains, and even can allow themselves to be cuddled.
Vernon, Mar 13 2018

       Observational evidence (but check with [Edie] for the latest info) indicates that although rhino brains are physically much larger than those of all current reptiles, the amount of brain that is actually used is - in proportion - rather less than that of a typical second-year undergraduate student of sociology.
8th of 7, Mar 13 2018

       I saw in the gardening department of a shop the other day, they sell propagators.
Ian Tindale, Mar 13 2018

       /Propagators/ at least it’s not those horrid fake ones.
zen_tom, Mar 13 2018

       I for one would find a tremendous amount of emotional support from travelling with my own large alligator. The transportation of recreational pharmaceuticals is notoriously stressful. Governments have trained observers who seek to spot stressed individuals, so that the relevant authorities may ease their conscience. I can see how someone may wish to head the problem off at the pass, so to speak, by using an emotional support alligator. I imagine scanners were never really optimized for 18" thick armored reptiles, and since Steve Irwin is no longer with us, it's unlikely anyone combines the ability and enthusiasm for a thorough pat-down.
bs0u0155, Mar 13 2018

       And just think of all the bonus miles you'd get from having your flight repeatedly bumped.
RayfordSteele, Mar 13 2018

       // by using an emotional support alligator. //   

       So, you're seriously suggesting air travel accompanied by a vicious, aggressive reptile which would most likely attack and devour TSA screeners ?   

       Jolly good, carry on.
8th of 7, Mar 13 2018

       Thing is, alligators are really only comfortable in a wet habitat, at least in the long run. So, you'd have to dig at least a few trenches in your garden and flood them, to make it feel at home. Of course, it could dig them itself if it were a navigator.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2018

       And having an alligator in your lap might actually do quite a bit to take your mind off the petty stresses and trifling problems in life.
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       ... such as, for instance, being alive.   

       Then again, if it's just had a light snack of TSA screener, you're probably safe until it's digested its repast.
8th of 7, Mar 13 2018

       Hmm. This idea may have started out as clearly farcical but there could be some hidden benefits.
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       Sorry, are you still talking about alligators here, or Donald Trump's presidential campaign ?
8th of 7, Mar 13 2018


       Seriously, someday I'll receive honors for being the first one to point out that nobody was more horrified at Donald Trump winning the presidency than Donald Trump himself.   

       And by "honors" of course I mean "absolutely nothing".
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       And speaking of gun control...
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       "Godwin's La ......" awwww shucks.   

       C'mon someone, mention a former German Chancellor whose Christian name was Adolph ... we want to claim another $5 ....
8th of 7, Mar 13 2018

       Can't we pick somebody else to compare people to just to do something different?   

       How about Pablo Escobar? He was an asshole.   

       Hmm. Doesn't have the same name recognition. You can't ruin a dinner party conversation by saying "Well, thanks for sharing your views... PABLO!".
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       Interesting article. (link)   

       Poor Ian, put up an interesting idea and had it totally hijacked.
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       That’s okay. He has an alligator to provide him some support.
RayfordSteele, Mar 13 2018

       That'd keep his mind off this little detour.   

       See? Great idea.
doctorremulac3, Mar 13 2018

       //American alligators can reach 200+ kilograms (about 500 pounds)//   

       That's not a crocodile. *This* is a crocodile. </broadOcker>   

       See link, but up to 1000kg. Possible problems with excess baggage allowance quickly resolved by interview with a responsible person.
pertinax, Mar 13 2018

       If another passenger is feeling airsick or even just complaining about the inflight meal, simply toss your support alligator into their laps and they will instantly forget those other problems. You're welcome sir/madam.
AusCan531, Mar 13 2018

       I get more sleep on a crock'd dial.
wjt, Mar 14 2018

       The useful thing is that an alligator can actually class as luggage – and very luxury luggage at that.
Ian Tindale, Mar 14 2018

       <Lady Bracknell>   

       "A ... HANDBAG ... ?"   

       </Lady Bracknell>
8th of 7, Mar 14 2018


       Why not ask United Airlines what their policy on carry-on alligators is ?   

       Of course, if it dies, you may have to deploy your carry-on litigator ...
8th of 7, Mar 14 2018

       //carry-on litigator// That was the least successful film in the franchise.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 14 2018

       Well, it was a tie, with Carry-on Crow.
Ian Tindale, Mar 14 2018

       //That was the least successful film in the franchise// - plenty of double entendres on the word 'briefs' though
hippo, Mar 14 2018

       I dunno, I thought ‘Snakes on a Plane’ did rather well, considering the absurd premise.
RayfordSteele, Mar 14 2018


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