Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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It's all a bit B-movie
  (+8, -15)(+8, -15)
(+8, -15)
  [vote for,

On entry, guests are ushered to their table by a silent, robed figure. The flickering wall-mounted torches provide minimal light and all that can be heard above the dim hubbub of conversation is the beat of an enormous drum.
In the centre of the restaurant, a great fire burns, it's embers shooting up into the centrally mounted (but unobserved) chimney while a young buckskinned slave-girl pours ladles of thick, disturbingly red-looking basting fluid over the roasting carcass of some animal, adding flavour to the already heady funk from the aromatic wood on the fire. She looks weary, as if she has endured many long hours of cruel servitude. While her face is begrimed, her bright eyes and teeth reflect the glare of the fire. A lingering glance over the curve of her full thighs, beaded with sweat and grime, down past her strong calves to her bared ankles reveals the shackles that bind her to a great iron ring set in the stone floor.
The beast over the fire is held and rotated by means of a crudely constructed, iron rotisserie. The power required to turn it is provided by the oiled and well-muscled slave who toils endlessly, cranking the thing round in slow, tired, but powerful movements. He too is shackled to the floor.
Now seated at a great rough-slate table, our diners have the drinks-menu brought round by another robed, shuffling figure, who bows timidly before taking their orders silently and then glides back into the darkness.
From somewhere out of view, a train of slave girls are led into the central fire-pit by a whip brandishing, enrobed man. They all chant in time to the beat of the drum. They too are buckskinned and sport thick leather wrist and ankle-straps. Their smooth tanned, oiled bodies are tied to one another by means of these straps by a crude length of knotted vine. At a signal from the enrobed one, the team falls silent, at which point the clientele all realise that they too have hushed themselves with expectancy.
More robed figures parade out into the central fire-pit, each carrying a large machete-type knife. (One of the diners looks back at the table and realises that their drinks have arrived and wonders how he missed them being delivered) More chanting, this time led by the high-priest. The words he uses and the strange way they are uttered sound alien and bode of decadent and menacing promise. Still the carcass is turned and oiled by the slave-pair at the fire.
The high priest finishes his eldritch chants and sends the attendant acolytes into a flurry of activity, descending on the roasting animal with furious strokes of their machetes. Meat and juice fly while embers stirred up from the nearby activity are foosted up into the air.
Slaves line-up, holding wooden bowls into which choice cuts of meat are placed and a dash of the sauce is slopped ceremoniously by slave-girl#1. They are then led to the diner's tables and the food presented, while a hooded acolyte stands in observance.
Bread, water and vegetables are brought and served on thick wooden platters. The diners wait, unsure whether to begin.
Silence. The slaves are led back to the centre, where to an unearthly kind of frantic, Arabian-flute type music they begin to dance, their twisting half-naked bodies silhouetted against the fire, casting flickering and monstrous shadows against the walls. Encouraged to eat by their silent, hooded hosts, tension lifts...slightly, and the guests begin their meal…
zen_tom, Nov 12 2004

Boris Vallejo http://hebuss.free.fr/
Remember, it's art. [zen_tom, Nov 12 2004]

Raquel Welch http://www.art.com/...EDAAF759700B8E5FA54
'One Million Years B.C.' [zen_tom, Nov 12 2004]

Above link has link-rot, but I suspect this one will do... http://www.bing.com...as+b.c.&FORM=HDRSC2
[normzone, Oct 16 2013]

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       No, it's not the ogling that's the issue here, you can always go to Hooters if that's what you're after.
But yes, perhaps I should get a girlfriend...
zen_tom, Nov 12 2004

       This would do well in Vegas.   

       As Harry tore into the juicy flesh, his eye caught sight of Hermione's well-rounded breasts dripping with sweat, reflecting the glow of the coals, and his hand gripped his wand ever harder.
FarmerJohn, Nov 12 2004

       So Matrix Reloaded cave scene + priests + sit-down restaurant + a smidgeon of Conan the Barbarian eh? Not too sure what that renders and as for [FJ]'s anno...
DocBrown, Nov 12 2004

       I'm seeing Dante's inferno.   

       I wish there was a catagory for deletion. other than advocacy, [Marked-for-deletion]
dentworth, Nov 12 2004

       Oh dear, looks like abit of effort went into this idea.   

       I'll toss you my pastry for that. I'll get one of those slavegirls to bring it to your table, where are you sitting?
skinflaps, Nov 12 2004

       Just another exploitational theme restaurant with a better than average copywriter, from what I read.
jurist, Nov 12 2004

       [FarmerJohn] Harry wouldn't like this restaurant, there's a slight dash of evil in the air, you have to leave your wands behind in the cloakroom and there's definitely no quidditch.   

       [dentworth] I'm not sure whether to be ashamed or proud for getting [marked] despite lack of category. I understand exactly what you mean, I probably would have done the same, and had someone had managed to stop me in the early hours of last night, before I pressed 'OK' - you know, I really would have thanked them.   

       [scout] Please don't ask me questions like that - It really doesn't help.   

       [freerunner] thanks, I'll be sitting at the back somewhere with my adolescent friends, (hoping the waiters won't notice we're underage) whilst shyly clutching my Boris Vallejo album in one hand and making crude, but well observed sketches in my notepad with the other.   

       [jurist] I think I'll take that as a compliment, and if I'm wrong, then I'm in no hurry to be enlightened.
zen_tom, Nov 12 2004

       [zt], you should give newbies lessons - - hell, you should give ME lessons - - on having a sense of humor. You rock :-)
contracts, Nov 12 2004

       thanks [contracts] I appreciate that - send them over and I'll provide a display of critisism-deflection using only the power of elf-deprecation.   

       Oh and [DocBrown] sorry I missed your anno in my earlier reposte - add a touch of Raquel Welch from 'One Million Years B.C.' and it sounds like you've got the idea.
zen_tom, Nov 12 2004

       [Farmer John] I go to great lengths to avoid erotic Harry Potter fanfics, and then you have to ruin it all. Can someone lend me some bleach to get that out of my mind?
Saruman, Nov 12 2004

       How much do the employees get paid?????
tchaikovsky, Nov 12 2004

       [dentworth] I'm vetoing your MFD.
bristolz, Nov 12 2004

       //How much do the employees get paid?//
Nothing. They rely on tips.
angel, Nov 12 2004

       Anybody ever notice the correlation between the SCA and S&M? I hold George Lucas responsible for bondage nerds. I think they all have some sexually formative memories of Princess Leia chained up with Jabba the Hutt. Don't get me wrong, express yourself however you want to but, jeez...
Wisconsin, Feb 11 2005

       //Anybody ever notice the correlation between the SCA and S&M?//
Society for Creative Anachronism, Student Conservation Association, Svenska Cellulosa Aktiebolaget and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous?
(found on 1st page of Goolge after searching 'SCA')
I can understand the link perhaps between the former and the latter, but am not sure where George Lucas fits into all this.
zen_tom, Feb 11 2005

       I remember this Boom Boom Boom era at HB quite well and long for a return to those days of restaurants without walls.   

mensmaximus, Feb 11 2005

       [z_t] Society for Creative Anachronism, where there's already a lot of leather and lace action going on.
Wisconsin, Feb 11 2005

       you can have all my buns.
Voice, Oct 15 2013


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