Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Clearly this is a metaphor for something.

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Life Insurance Parimutuel

Payouts based on cause of death
  (+7)
(+7)
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Start with a basic insurance policy with a standard payout value and typical exclusions for things like suicide. Then adjust the payout based on the cause of death - the more unlikely your cause of death, the more your survivors will get. Like double indemnity, but with bets spread across the whole actuarial table.



“Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty.”

-Walter Neff
(Double Indemnity, 1944)

a1, Apr 03 2021

https://sfy.ru/?scr...uble_indemnity_1944 Double Indemnity, movie classic and source of this idea [a1, Apr 03 2021]

50 bizarre way to die https://www.finalch...bizarre-ways-to-die
[xandram, Apr 03 2021]

Champagne cork death hoax. http://antiviral.ga...erfeit-b-1617770582
[doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2021]

1000 ways to die https://en.wikipedi...ki/1000_Ways_to_Die
[Voice, Apr 04 2021]

says 2dozen people die each year from champagne corks https://glassofbubb...death-by-champagne/
[xandram, Apr 05 2021]

List of unusual deaths https://en.wikipedi...t_of_unusual_deaths
[hippo, Apr 06 2021]

Top 10 causes https://www.who.int...-10-causes-of-death
None of these would be winners [a1, Apr 06 2021]

[link]






       So make dying a horrible death kind of fun and interesting? The horror of being hit by a meteor meets the excitement of a winning Powerball lottery ticket?   

       I'll act as 8th's proxy on this and vote an enthusiastic bun. [+]
doctorremulac3, Apr 03 2021
  

       What the Doc said ^
21 Quest, Apr 03 2021
  

       Kinda, yeah. Not exactly like the Powerball though, that’s why I called it a parimutuel. Be a heckuva a boost for the actuarial profession, more job openings for figuring odds.
  

       “Come on, you never read an actuarial table in your life. I've got ten volumes on suicide alone. Suicide by race, by color, by occupation, by sex, by seasons of the year, by time of day. Suicide, how committed: by poisons, by fire-arms, by drowning, by leaps. Suicide by poison, subdivided by types of poison, such as corrosive, irritant, systemic, gaseous, narcotic, alkaloid, protein, and so forth. Suicide by leaps, subdivided by leaps from high places, under wheels of trains, under wheels of trucks, under the feet of horses, from steamboats. But Mr. Norton, of all the cases on record there's not one single case of suicide by leap from the rear end of a moving train.”

-Barton Keyes
(Double Indemnity, 1944)
a1, Apr 03 2021
  

       + “ died by falling off inflatable artwork “ see link
xandram, Apr 03 2021
  

       RE: Linky, "50 bizarre ways to die".   

       Whoa, wait a second, 24 people killed every year from champagne corks? Dunno 'bout that. OK, they might fly at 55 miles per hour, but they've got hardly any mass. I can see it wrecking an eyeball, but actually penetrating bone enough to cause death?   

       Maybe it's somebody dying of a heart attack by being shocked by the projectile hitting them in the head. But that would be like saying "Multiple deaths caused by naked picture of Hillary Clinton." or something. Viewing the picture might result in agonizing death, but it's indirect and probably survivable almost half the time.   

       I'm calling BS.
doctorremulac3, Apr 03 2021
  

       But then there is the whole question of what is the single actual cause of death. Events are contingent, different observers can give different accounts of what happened. Multiple discrete events each have implication for other events etc. Getting drunk and then shooting one's elf in the head causes death, yes, but is the death caused by the drink, or the resulting mental instability, the pulling of the trigger, the explosion, the penetration of the skull by the bullet, the mashing of the brain or the resulting changes to the body's metabolic processes? We can blur these different discrete events into a narrative called "suicide by shooting" but that simply generalises. Perhaps we should generalise further and put the cause of death down to "life stress" but then what causes such stress? "modern society"? In the end the only consistent answer can be "entropy".
pocmloc, Apr 03 2021
  

       Suicides are excluded from this policy (as with most insurance policies).   

       But with myriad other ways to go, you might have to limit how finely you divvy up the causes. “Heart disease” and “Cancer” are common, should your beneficiaries hit the jackpot if you have a rare form?
a1, Apr 03 2021
  

       Or you could just go to Ladbrokes & place a series of individual bets, one for each cause of death, the pay-out on a bet is contingent on the odds, which is basically what you've asked for.   

       So baked?
Skewed, Apr 03 2021
  

       <off topic>... again   

       There was a man who tried to commit suicide in such a way that the insurance company would pay out so he faked his own murder.
He used a block of dry ice to stand on so that when he kicked it away and hung himself it would sublimate, leave no evidence and it would not look like a suicide.
If he had only paid cash for the block instead of using his credit card he would have gotten away with it.
  

       //I'm calling BS//   

       Then you'd be wrong, mostly because you've misunderstood how the data is tabulated, those will be 'Champaign cork related deaths' rather than deaths purely from Champaign corks.   

       If someone opens a Champaign bottle & the cork flies up & conks him under the nose causing him to flinch back, stumble & fall cracking his skull open against his coffee table the death would be recorded as both coffee table & Champaign cork related, so yes 'porn viewing related deaths' would indeed be a thing.   

       Of course. if no one collects the data we won't know about it.
Skewed, Apr 03 2021
  

       // ... you could go to Ladbrokes ... So baked? // Bit of a stretch to call it baked by saying someone “could” do this (even if Ladbrokes or any other betting shop would book the bet). And an even longer way off from an insurance company structuring policies that way.
a1, Apr 03 2021
  

       Well, I did put a question mark after it, but as it happens they will structure policies pretty much any way you ask them, if you're rich enough, not many people insure their teeth or their legs for instance but certain celebrities have & it's not like their are any insurable companies out there with a standard insure your teeth's appearance policy is it.
Skewed, Apr 03 2021
  

       Give an example of any life insurance company - or bookie - actually doing this and you can call it “baked” without the question mark.
a1, Apr 03 2021
  

       Ladbrokes will give odds on literally anything, you just have to go in & ask, has anyone asked? I don't know, & my interest hasn't peaked sufficiently to go & find out, so I'll stick to the question mark, it's less work.
Skewed, Apr 04 2021
  

       Okay, champagne cork death thing was a hoax. (linky)   

       There's other posts that debunk this as well but the main one I found features a naked picture of a Playboy centerfold that supposedly succumbed to the deadly quarter ounce cork of death. She drank a lot of champagne and did a lot of cocaine and died as a result so this could have been called a shopping bag related death since the bottle might have been carried in a shopping bag at one point.   

       Put it another way, these things flying at 55 miles per hours are a lot slower than a pitcher's fast ball and the ball's a lot heavier than a little cork. I only found one death by pitch back in 1920. Could you throw a cork at somebody's head and kill them?   

       So nobody's ever died by being hit in the head by a champagne cork. We can all sleep at night now.
doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2021
  

       Just because no one collected the data (probably because they think it's silly) doesn't mean it's not real, the only hoax there is they alleged someone actually collected it & no one did.
Skewed, Apr 04 2021
  

       //Getting drunk and then shooting one's elf in the head causes death, yes, but is the death caused by the drink, or the resulting mental instability, the pulling of the trigger, the explosion, the penetration of the skull by the bullet, the mashing of the brain or the resulting changes to the body's metabolic processes?//   

       Elves are generally widely appreciated, and neither the alcohol nor the bullet should, imo, be blamed. To shoot one's elf, one must already have serious problems that make it seem the only resolution. In fact I strongly suspect that the vast majority of people who are drunk when they big their elves goodbye had already planned to do so, and the alcohol is just an easy way to prevent excessive pain.
Voice, Apr 04 2021
  

       //Just because no one collected the data (probably because they think it's silly) doesn't mean it's not real//   

       Exactly, it's like those Lego related lung cancers caused by foot injuries that cause more people to smoke. "Big toy" doesn't want that investigated, but then of course, they wouldn't.   

       Glad to see people are finally shooting their elves though. I've been suggesting this is a good way to free up shelf space for a while.
doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2021
  

       [Finishes packing great uncle Festers blunderbuss with Champaign corks]   

       Hey [doc] come over here & stand in front of this wall for me for a minute, I just want to check something, put this apple on your head.
Skewed, Apr 04 2021
  

       //I just want to check something//   

       What? How you're gonna walk with a blunderbuss shoved up your ass?   

       (Voice) Ah yes, "1000 Ways To Die", I remember that series. Great stuff!
doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2021
  

       What? that's not a blunderbuss, that's aunt Maud's old punt gun, a different beast entirely, the blunderbuss is the one in my hands, now be a good chap & just stand over there by the wall for a minute.
Skewed, Apr 04 2021
  

       Okay, then we’ll see how you walk with aunt Maud’s punt gun shoved up your ass.
doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2021
  

       Oh that's easy, you just slide it up a bit further, does wonders to correct my slouch.
Skewed, Apr 04 2021
  

       {Sound of sledge hammer destroying wall]   

       [Squeaking of something in desperate need of oiling]   

       [Skewed appears behind [doc] pushing a rusty old wheel barrow full of bricks]   

       [Begins slacking bricks into a rough formed wall]   

       Well, if you won't stand in front of the wall.
Skewed, Apr 04 2021
  

       [Screwed waddles away with a wheelbarrow full of bricks shoved up his ass.]   

       Okay, I think this line of skat chat’s about played out. Very boring.
doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2021
  

       Well I posted another link that says 2 dozen people a year die from champagne corks. I don’t think all these people are lying. [Doc] The hoax you referred to seems to be only one incident.
xandram, Apr 05 2021
  

       Yea Xan, that's the link I saw, then posted the other link that SUPPOSEDLY debunks it, but who knows? It's the internet. The only thing we know for sure is it's either 1- True, 2- False, or 3- A mixture of both somehow.   

       I'd just need to see a medical examiner's report saying "Cause of death: head trauma..." with the details. There should be police reports too since people usually call the authorities when somebody gets killed.   

       For such a, shall we say, surprising contention, there's not a lot of documentation. But hey, if somebody really does die every two weeks from a champagne cork I'll stand corrected.   

       With the right documentation.
doctorremulac3, Apr 05 2021
  

       Fair enough, I see your point. But I don’t see why it isn’t feasible if you stood at the edge of a rooftop and the corked popped, causing you to fall off the roof...they might be inclined to say you died from a champagne cork. It’s kind of like how they are counting the Covid deaths.
xandram, Apr 05 2021
  

       Or if you are at your 95th birthday party, your grandchild pops a champagne cork, you are flooded with memories of those idyllic summers back in the late 40s, when you would hang around with Reg and Lynne and Miph, those visits to Miph's uncle's country house, the dark dusty rooms that smelled of damp, and the butler - Walter was his name? He was dismissed because he wouldn't ever set the butter dish on the table, but insisted on carrying it around to each guest. Ah, Lynne was sweet. And every day at 11am Walter would bring through a silver tray with champagne and glasses, and would open the bottle perfectly silently, and the aroma would fill the room like lilies and musk and you thought that day would last for ever... and you are so distracted by the memories that you choke on your own vomit and die. The cause of death was much disputed, but "champagne cork" was considered the initial prompt for the chain of events.
pocmloc, Apr 05 2021
  

       //It’s kind of like how they are counting the Covid deaths.//   

       Heh.
It begs the question; if you are one of the unfortunate to 'actually' die from a cork-pop to the temple or lodged down your throat... and you just happened to test positive for Covid...
  

       ...would you be counted as a Covid death or a Cork death?   

       //the aroma would fill the room like lilies and musk and you thought that day would last for ever... and you are so distracted by the memories that you choke on your own vomit and die//   

       And that, right there, is the best laugh out loud stand up comedian worthy joke I've ever heard on the HB. I'm still laughing as I write this. Bravo!   

       //It’s kind of like how they are counting the Covid deaths.//   

       I've actually heard something about that from a doctor whose podcast I listen to. There's actually a protocol for that that's not new. If you're dying of a brain aneurysm and they know you won't make it out alive but you get the flu, they call that the cause of death. It's what pushed you over the edge. Even if you wouldn't have died from the flu without that bullet in your head, it's the cause of death.   

       He also pointed out the average of people dying from Covid was 88. The average age people who die of natural causes is also 88 so life and Covid are equally deadly I guess.   

       Now the fun part is, finding how many people are going to die from the lockdown by not finding they have cancer which is a strict game of "get it in time". Over 600,000 people in this country die each year from cancer. 555,000 have died from Covid, so are we going to tag onto that the people who got cancer because of the lockdowns? Does it go up 10%? 20%? 30%? Guess we'll be able to see how effective early screening for cancer was because if it's as important as we've been told that 600,000 number is going to skyrocket because of its absence.   

       And Poc, even if you didn’t mean that to be funny you’ve still got a knack for the dark twist.
doctorremulac3, Apr 06 2021
  

       That still doesn't answer if a cork death would be counted as a covid death now does it?   

       I think the way it works is, if you come into the hospital comatose because a 1/8th ounce cork bounced off your forehead, are declared brain dead then you get covid, then yes. The cause of death is officially Covid.
doctorremulac3, Apr 06 2021
  

       Great! No misplacement there then. Carry on...   

       So just to clarify... if the cork punctured my eyeball and ricocheted around the inside of my skull but my carcass tested positive for for the Covid virus I would be counted as a Covid death.   

       No con there at all...   

       //So just to clarify... if the cork punctured my eyeball and ricocheted around the inside of my skull but my carcass tested positive for for the Covid virus I would be counted as a Covid death.//   

       I think if they scraped the carcass of somebody off of the front of a Mac truck and it tested positive it'd be a "Covid related death". (tm) (C) All rights reserved.
doctorremulac3, Apr 06 2021
  

       See link - all of these should pay out big time: "smothered to death by gifts of cloaks and hats showered upon him by appreciative citizens at a theatre", "devoured by dogs after smearing himself with cow manure in an attempt to cure his dropsy", "died of suffocation from laughing too much at an obscene joke", "...was crushed by the coffin he was helping carry after he tripped on a stone", "After watching the "Kung Fu Kapers" episode of The Goodies, Alex Mitchell laughed continuously for 25 minutes and then fell dead", etc., etc.
hippo, Apr 06 2021
  

       //"After watching the "Kung Fu Kapers" episode of The Goodies, Alex Mitchell laughed continuously for 25 minutes and then fell dead", etc., etc.//   

       Hey man, if you gotta go, dying laughing is probably about as good as you're gonna get.
doctorremulac3, Apr 06 2021
  

       [doctor] you’re right, that’s a pretty good death. Arguably, insurance policies should pay out less if you have a really fantastic death
hippo, Apr 06 2021
  

       // insurance policies should pay out less if you have a really fantastic death //   

       Sure, and crematoriums should give half off for people who died in fires. But I think insurance companies should pay off more for unlikely deaths, and laughing to death would definitely be a jackpot.
a1, Apr 06 2021
  

       Yes, but laughing to death might count as a really good death as well as being unusual, so it’s not clear whether the payout should be more or less than the usual amount
hippo, Apr 06 2021
  

       The deceased has already received their just reward, the insurance payout is for the survivors.
a1, Apr 06 2021
  

       //that’s a pretty good death. Arguably, insurance policies should pay out less if you have a really fantastic death//   

       (Woman sobbing) "Yes, George died at an orgy in bed with three beautiful women." (Insurance adjuster) "Hmm, sorry Ma'm, if you'll turn to page 36, paragraph 4 "Awsome Deaths" you'll see we're exempt from payment. But here, have a candy bar with our company logo. NEXT!"   

       //Sure, and crematoriums should give half off for people who died in fires.//   

       OK, that's two standup quality jokes on this post.
doctorremulac3, Apr 06 2021
  

       Everything is easier with brand new materials, would it really be cheaper to burn something partially burnt? There might be a energy hill to climb to complete the process.
wjt, Apr 09 2021
  
      
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