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Start with a basic insurance policy with a standard
payout
value and typical exclusions for things like suicide. Then
adjust the payout based on the cause of death - the
more
unlikely your cause of death, the more your survivors
will
get. Like double indemnity, but with bets spread across
the
whole actuarial table.
“Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a
little something called double indemnity. The insurance
companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the
customers.
It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind
that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got
killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead
of
fifty.”
-Walter Neff
(Double Indemnity, 1944)
https://sfy.ru/?scr...uble_indemnity_1944
Double Indemnity, movie classic and source of this idea [a1, Apr 03 2021]
50 bizarre way to die
https://www.finalch...bizarre-ways-to-die
[xandram, Apr 03 2021]
Champagne cork death hoax.
http://antiviral.ga...erfeit-b-1617770582
[doctorremulac3, Apr 04 2021]
1000 ways to die
https://en.wikipedi...ki/1000_Ways_to_Die
[Voice, Apr 04 2021]
says 2dozen people die each year from champagne corks
https://glassofbubb...death-by-champagne/
[xandram, Apr 05 2021]
List of unusual deaths
https://en.wikipedi...t_of_unusual_deaths
[hippo, Apr 06 2021]
Top 10 causes
https://www.who.int...-10-causes-of-death
None of these would be winners [a1, Apr 06 2021]
[link]
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So make dying a horrible death kind of fun and
interesting? The horror of being hit by a meteor
meets the excitement of a winning Powerball lottery
ticket? |
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I'll act as 8th's proxy on this and vote an enthusiastic
bun. [+] |
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Kinda, yeah. Not exactly like the Powerball
though, that’s why I called it a parimutuel. Be a
heckuva a boost for the actuarial profession,
more job openings for figuring odds.
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“Come on,
you never read an actuarial table in
your life. I've got ten volumes on
suicide alone. Suicide by race, by
color, by occupation, by sex, by
seasons of the year, by time of day.
Suicide, how committed: by poisons,
by fire-arms, by drowning, by leaps.
Suicide by poison, subdivided by
types of poison, such as corrosive,
irritant, systemic, gaseous, narcotic,
alkaloid, protein, and so forth.
Suicide by leaps, subdivided by leaps
from high places, under wheels of
trains, under wheels of trucks, under
the feet of horses, from steamboats.
But Mr. Norton, of all the cases on
record there's not one single case
of suicide by leap from the rear end
of a moving train.”
-Barton Keyes
(Double Indemnity, 1944) |
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+ “ died by falling off inflatable artwork “
see link |
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RE: Linky, "50 bizarre ways to die". |
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Whoa, wait a second, 24 people killed every year
from champagne corks? Dunno 'bout that. OK, they
might fly at 55 miles per hour, but they've got
hardly any mass. I can see it wrecking an eyeball,
but actually penetrating bone enough to cause
death? |
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Maybe it's somebody dying of a heart attack by
being shocked by the
projectile hitting them in the head. But that would
be like saying "Multiple deaths caused by naked
picture of Hillary Clinton." or something. Viewing
the
picture might result in agonizing death, but it's
indirect and probably survivable almost half the
time. |
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But then there is the whole question of what is the single actual cause of death. Events are contingent, different observers can give different accounts of what happened. Multiple discrete events each have implication for other events etc. Getting drunk and then shooting one's elf in the head causes death, yes, but is the death caused by the drink, or the resulting mental instability, the pulling of the trigger, the explosion, the penetration of the skull by the bullet, the mashing of the brain or the resulting changes to the body's metabolic processes? We can blur these different discrete events into a narrative called "suicide by shooting" but that simply generalises. Perhaps we should generalise further and put the cause of death down to "life stress" but then what causes such stress? "modern society"? In the end the only consistent answer can be "entropy". |
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Suicides are excluded from this policy (as with
most insurance policies). |
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But with myriad other ways to go, you might have
to limit how finely you divvy up the causes.
“Heart disease” and “Cancer” are common, should
your beneficiaries hit the jackpot if you have a
rare form? |
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Or you could just go to Ladbrokes & place a series of
individual bets, one for each cause of death, the
pay-out on a bet is contingent on the odds, which is basically
what you've asked for. |
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There was a man who tried to commit suicide in such a way that the insurance company would pay out so he faked his own murder.
He used a block of dry ice to stand on so that when he kicked it away and hung himself it would sublimate, leave no evidence and it would not look like a suicide.
If he had only paid cash for the block instead of using his credit card he would have gotten away with it. |
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Then you'd be wrong, mostly because you've misunderstood
how
the
data is tabulated, those will be 'Champaign cork related
deaths'
rather than deaths
purely from Champaign corks. |
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If someone opens a Champaign
bottle & the cork flies up & conks him under the nose
causing him to
flinch back, stumble & fall cracking his skull open against
his
coffee table the death would be recorded as both coffee
table &
Champaign cork related, so yes 'porn viewing related
deaths' would indeed be a thing. |
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Of course. if no one
collects the data we won't know about it. |
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// ... you could go to Ladbrokes ... So baked? //
Bit of a stretch to call it baked by saying someone
“could” do this (even if Ladbrokes or any other
betting shop would book the bet). And an even
longer way off from an insurance company
structuring policies that way. |
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Well, I did put a question mark after it, but as it happens they
will structure policies pretty much any way you ask them, if
you're rich enough, not many people insure their teeth or
their legs for instance but certain celebrities have & it's not
like their are any insurable companies out there with a
standard insure your teeth's appearance policy is it. |
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Give an example of any life insurance company - or
bookie - actually doing this and you can call it
“baked” without the question mark. |
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Ladbrokes will give odds on literally anything, you just
have to go
in & ask, has anyone asked? I don't know, & my interest hasn't
peaked sufficiently to go & find out, so I'll stick to the
question mark, it's less work. |
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Okay, champagne cork death thing was a hoax.
(linky) |
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There's other posts that debunk this as well but
the main one I found features a naked picture of a
Playboy centerfold that supposedly succumbed to
the deadly quarter ounce cork of death. She drank
a lot of champagne and did a lot of cocaine and
died as a result so this could have been called a
shopping bag related death since the bottle might
have been carried in a shopping bag at one point. |
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Put it another way, these things flying at 55 miles
per hours are a lot slower than a pitcher's fast ball
and the ball's a lot heavier than a little cork. I only
found one death by pitch back in 1920. Could you
throw a cork at somebody's head and kill them? |
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So nobody's ever died by being hit in the head by a
champagne cork. We can all sleep at night now. |
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Just because no one collected the
data (probably because they think it's silly) doesn't mean it's
not real, the only hoax there is they alleged someone
actually collected it & no one did. |
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//Getting drunk and then shooting one's elf in the head causes death, yes, but is the death caused by the drink, or the resulting mental instability, the pulling of the trigger, the explosion, the penetration of the skull by the bullet, the mashing of the brain or the resulting changes to the body's metabolic processes?// |
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Elves are generally widely appreciated, and neither the alcohol nor the bullet should, imo, be blamed. To shoot one's elf, one must already have serious problems that make it seem the only resolution. In fact I strongly suspect that the vast majority of people who are drunk when they big their elves goodbye had already planned to do so, and the alcohol is just an easy way to prevent excessive pain. |
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//Just because no one collected the data
(probably because they think it's silly) doesn't
mean
it's not real// |
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Exactly, it's like those Lego related lung cancers
caused by foot injuries that cause more people to
smoke. "Big toy" doesn't want that investigated,
but
then of course, they wouldn't. |
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Glad to see people are finally shooting their elves
though. I've been suggesting this is a good way to
free up shelf space for a while. |
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[Finishes packing great uncle Festers blunderbuss with
Champaign corks] |
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Hey [doc] come over here & stand in front of this wall for me
for a
minute, I just want to check something, put this apple on
your head. |
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//I just want to check something// |
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What? How you're gonna walk with a blunderbuss
shoved up
your ass? |
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(Voice) Ah yes, "1000 Ways To Die", I remember that
series. Great stuff! |
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What? that's not a blunderbuss, that's aunt Maud's old punt
gun, a different beast entirely, the blunderbuss is the one in
my
hands, now be a good
chap & just stand over there by the wall for a minute. |
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Okay, then we’ll see how you walk with aunt
Maud’s punt gun
shoved up your ass. |
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Oh that's easy, you just slide it up a bit further, does wonders
to correct my slouch. |
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{Sound of sledge hammer destroying wall] |
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[Squeaking of something in desperate need of oiling] |
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[Skewed appears behind [doc] pushing a rusty old wheel
barrow full of bricks] |
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[Begins slacking bricks into a rough formed wall] |
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Well, if you won't stand in front of the wall. |
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[Screwed waddles away with a wheelbarrow full
of bricks shoved up his ass.] |
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Okay, I think this line of skat chat’s about played
out. Very boring. |
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Well I posted another link that says 2 dozen people
a year die from champagne corks. I don’t think all
these people are lying.
[Doc]
The hoax you referred to seems to be only one
incident. |
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Yea Xan, that's the link I saw, then posted the other link
that SUPPOSEDLY debunks it, but who knows? It's the
internet. The only thing we know for sure is it's either 1-
True, 2- False, or 3- A mixture of both somehow. |
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I'd just need to see a medical examiner's report saying
"Cause of death: head trauma..." with the details. There
should be police reports too since people usually
call the authorities when somebody gets killed. |
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For such a, shall we say, surprising contention, there's not
a lot of documentation. But hey, if somebody really does
die every two weeks
from a champagne cork I'll stand corrected. |
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With the right documentation. |
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Fair enough, I see your point. But I don’t see why
it isn’t feasible if you stood at the edge of a
rooftop and the corked popped, causing you to
fall off the roof...they might be inclined to say you
died from a champagne cork. It’s kind of like how
they are counting the Covid deaths. |
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Or if you are at your 95th birthday party, your grandchild pops a champagne cork, you are flooded with memories of those idyllic summers back in the late 40s, when you would hang around with Reg and Lynne and Miph, those visits to Miph's uncle's country house, the dark dusty rooms that smelled of damp, and the butler - Walter was his name? He was dismissed because he wouldn't ever set the butter dish on the table, but insisted on carrying it around to each guest. Ah, Lynne was sweet. And every day at 11am Walter would bring through a silver tray with champagne and glasses, and would open the bottle perfectly silently, and the aroma would fill the room like lilies and musk and you thought that day would last for ever... and you are so distracted by the memories that you choke on your own vomit and die. The cause of death was much disputed, but "champagne cork" was considered the initial prompt for the chain of events. |
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//It’s kind of like how they are counting the Covid deaths.// |
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Heh.
It begs the question; if you are one of the unfortunate to 'actually' die from a cork-pop to the temple or lodged down your throat... and you just happened to test positive for Covid... |
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...would you be counted as a Covid death or a Cork death? |
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//the aroma would fill the room like lilies and
musk and
you thought that day would last for ever... and you
are so
distracted by the memories that you choke on your
own
vomit and die// |
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And that, right there, is the best laugh out loud
stand up
comedian worthy joke I've ever heard on the HB.
I'm still
laughing as I write this. Bravo! |
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//It’s kind of like how they are counting the Covid
deaths.// |
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I've actually heard something about that from a
doctor
whose podcast I listen to. There's actually a
protocol for
that that's not new. If you're dying of a brain
aneurysm
and they know you won't make it out alive but you
get the
flu, they call that the cause of death. It's what
pushed
you over the edge. Even if you wouldn't have died
from
the flu without that bullet in your head, it's the
cause of
death. |
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He also pointed out the average of people dying
from
Covid was 88. The average age people who die of
natural
causes is also 88 so life and Covid are equally
deadly I
guess. |
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Now the fun part is, finding how many people are
going to
die from the lockdown by not finding they have
cancer
which is a strict game of "get it in time". Over
600,000
people in this country die each year from cancer.
555,000
have died from Covid, so are we going to tag onto
that
the people who got cancer because of the
lockdowns?
Does it go up 10%? 20%? 30%? Guess we'll be able to
see
how effective early screening for cancer was
because if
it's as important as we've been told that 600,000
number
is going to skyrocket because of its absence. |
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And Poc, even if you didn’t mean that to be funny
you’ve still got a knack for the dark twist. |
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That still doesn't answer if a cork death would be counted as a covid death now does it? |
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I think the way it works is, if you come into the
hospital comatose because a 1/8th ounce cork
bounced off your forehead, are declared brain
dead then you get covid, then yes. The cause of
death
is officially Covid. |
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Great! No misplacement there then. Carry on... |
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So just to clarify... if the cork punctured my eyeball and ricocheted around the inside of my skull but my carcass tested positive for for the Covid virus I would be counted as a Covid death. |
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//So just to clarify... if the cork punctured my eyeball
and ricocheted around the inside of my skull but my carcass
tested positive for for the Covid virus I would be counted as
a Covid death.// |
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I think if they scraped the carcass of somebody off of the
front of a Mac truck and it tested positive it'd be a "Covid
related death". (tm) (C) All rights reserved. |
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See link - all of these should pay out big time: "smothered
to death by gifts of cloaks and hats showered upon him by
appreciative citizens at a theatre", "devoured by dogs
after smearing himself with cow manure in an attempt to
cure his dropsy", "died of suffocation from laughing too
much at an obscene joke", "...was crushed by the coffin he
was helping carry after he tripped on a stone", "After
watching the "Kung Fu Kapers" episode of The Goodies, Alex
Mitchell laughed continuously for 25 minutes and then fell
dead", etc., etc. |
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//"After watching the "Kung Fu Kapers" episode of The
Goodies, Alex Mitchell laughed continuously for 25 minutes
and then fell dead", etc., etc.// |
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Hey man, if you gotta go, dying laughing is probably about
as
good as you're gonna get. |
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[doctor] you’re right, that’s a pretty good death. Arguably, insurance
policies should pay out less if you have a really fantastic death |
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// insurance policies should pay out less if you have a really
fantastic death // |
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Sure, and crematoriums should give half off for people who
died in fires. But I think insurance companies should pay off
more for unlikely deaths, and laughing to death would
definitely be a jackpot. |
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Yes, but laughing to death might count as a really good death as
well as being unusual, so it’s not clear whether the payout should
be more or less than the usual amount |
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The deceased has already received their just reward, the
insurance payout is for the survivors. |
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//that’s a pretty good death. Arguably, insurance policies
should pay out less if you have a really fantastic death// |
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(Woman sobbing) "Yes, George died at an orgy in bed with
three beautiful women." (Insurance adjuster) "Hmm, sorry
Ma'm, if you'll turn to page 36, paragraph 4 "Awsome
Deaths" you'll see we're exempt from payment. But here,
have a candy bar with our company logo. NEXT!" |
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//Sure, and crematoriums should give half off for people
who died in fires.// |
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OK, that's two standup quality jokes on this post. |
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Everything is easier with brand new materials, would it really be cheaper to burn something partially burnt? There might be a energy hill to climb to complete the process. |
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