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On 6 February 1971 Alan Shepherd dropped a couple golf
balls
onto the regolith at Fra Mauro, attached the head of a 6-
iron to a geologist's sampling tool, and took three one-
handed
swings to loft the balls into the distance. Though historic
and
funny, it wasn't quite golf. More a reminder
that "golf"
spelled
backwards is "flog."
To commemorate, I propose a new sport: "Simulated Lunar
Flogging."
Due to the (hopefully temporary) lack of facilities on the
Moon, SLF is played on Earth in a large domed stadium,
completely sealed and with the air pumped out. The course
is
covered with fine grit to simulate regolith, and competitors
all
wear pressure suits.
The suits aren't replicas of the 1970's era EVA suits, but
similarly bulky to restrict players' movement and keep them
from gripping the club with both hands. Helmets/visors also
hamper their vision. In keeping with earthbound golf
traditions, the suits may have silly colors and patterns of the
player's (or their sponsor's) preference printed on them.
Each player gets two balls and a 6-iron. They then try to
improve on Shepherd's performance, scored by these
metrics:
1- How many strokes did it take to hit both balls? (skill)
2- How far did each ball go? (strengh)
3- How close did they land to each other? (precision)
Players may play as many rounds as they can want, until
their
air supply runs out, or until they stumble or otherwise
puncture their suit by accident. Survivors are then advanced
for consideration & entry into a follow-up tournament to
actually be played on the Moon, once facilities exist.
The Original ...
https://www.youtube...watch?v=t_jYOubJmfM
[kdf, Sep 09 2020]
Artillery Golf
Artillery_20Golf
"Incoming !" [8th of 7, Sep 09 2020]
"Arena"
https://en.wikipedi...he_Original_Series)
Gorn, but not forgotten ? [8th of 7, Sep 09 2020]
Black powder
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunpowder
" ... the saltpeter is an oxidizer." [8th of 7, Sep 09 2020]
Deflagration
https://en.wikipedi...g/wiki/Deflagration
"Subsonic combustion propagating through heat transfer" [8th of 7, Sep 09 2020]
Golf balls at 500mph?
https://www.youtube...watch?v=JT0wx27J9xs
[kdf, Sep 10 2020]
Golf and orbital mechanics
https://what-if.xkcd.com/85/
Mentions record setting 237moh ... [kdf, Sep 10 2020]
Next up - supersonic baseball!
https://www.youtube...watch?v=cqidD7kVnxY
Nothing to do with golf, but hey - supersonic baseball cannon! [kdf, Sep 10 2020]
MOL
https://en.wikipedi...Orbiting_Laboratory
Another piece of space nostalgia - this one never flew [kdf, Sep 11 2020]
[link]
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Hmmm. How do you simulate the lower gravity ? |
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[+] anyway in the hope that the occasional suit depressurization will kill a few of the idiots who would subscribe to this. |
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"How do you simulate the lower gravity?"
-8th of 7, Sep 09 2020 |
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I considered a few options but ultimately decided the
simulation would have to be less than perfect. Could
probably do counterweights on frames for the player's suits to
make them feel a bit bouncy, but there's nothing to correctly
simulate the trajectory of the golf ball. |
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The ball isn't the problem ; just make it 1/6 of the mass. In vacuo, the trajectories will match very closely, though Coriolis forces will be different on your planet. |
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If you create an evacuated chamber proportionately closer to your planetary core, the simulation can be exact. |
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As you note, it's the reduced gravity for the player that's the technical difficulty at the surface. |
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"The ball isn't the problem; just make it 1/6 of the mass."
-8th of 7, Sep 09 2020 |
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It's not that simple. Changing the ball's mass means
changing the composition, so the rebound properties off
the club head would change. |
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"...an evacuated chamber proportionately closer to your
planetary core"
-8th of 7, Sep 09 2020 |
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I like this idea for reducing effective gravity. Alternately,
we could build a tower about 9500km high and play up
there - which would also be close enough to vacuum if the
platform/arena was open to space. Either
makes the project much more expensive and
half-baked. Maybe so much so as to make people see it
would be more practical to actually go back to the moon
instead. |
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BTW, you might want to cut back on the "your planet..."
references. If you keep insisting on otherness, someone
will eventually to want to see your visa, alien resident
permit, or whatever it is the Men in Black issue these days
for off-worlders. Might deport you. |
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I wonder if having a slightly raised, pressurized porous floor
would offset the gravity somewhat. Probably not so much
for the player as for the ball. |
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No; because to do it properly, the ball is driven from a tee. |
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// the rebound properties off the club head would change // |
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... but then the properties of the club head could be similarly modified, shirley ? |
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// it would be more practical to actually go back to the moon instead. // |
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It's perfectly practical; just expensive. And when you get there, there's absolutely nothing to do except pick up some rocks as souvenirs and then come back. |
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In fact, it's nearly like Utah, but better because no-one's trying to Bring You To Jesus ... |
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// want to see your visa ... or whatever it is the Men in Black issue // |
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Ah, you misunderstand. The MiB deal primarily with refugees, either alone or in small groups. They sub-contract a lot of work to us, because we're more like Blackwater, sorry Academi* - a standalone agency that they can do business with, particularly the less savory and more violet enforcement side of the business. |
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Obviously that's not cheap, but we've managed to negotiate a service level agreement and a fee structure that is acceptable to both parties ... hence our liking for cash, we have to pay them quite a lot for the exclusive rights to administer random, violent, extra-judicial beatings ... |
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*But with slightly higher moral and ethical standards, which is disturbingly easy to achieve, even for us. |
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"...do it properly, the ball is driven from a tee."
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Maybe in golf, but not in flog. Shepherd played right off
the regolith. No tee, and at least as bad as any sand trap. |
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"the properties of the club head could be similarly
modified"
|
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Ok, I'll give you that one. Opens a whole new industry in
developing sporting gear to simulate off-planet conditions. |
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"(going to the Moon) perfectly practical; just expensive
(and) there's absolutely nothing to do..."
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That's what Lunar Flogging is about, to prop up the tourist
industry. But in all seriousness, I think the Moon would be a
good place for some kinds of research and I'd like to see
Elon Musk* or some other private party get there before a
government sponsored project. |
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"...violet enforcement..."
|
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Is that a special wavelength from the flashy thing? |
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No, it's like Black Ops; using UV "black" light so the victims can't see who's applying the baseball bat to their wedding vegetables. But of course, our vision operates over a much wider electromagnetic range than your primitive Mk. 1 eyeballs; we can see things that humans can't, particularly when they've been hit repeatedly in the face with a rubber hose so that their eyes have closed up ... |
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"...we can see things that humans can't..."
-8th of 7, Sep 09 2020 |
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Yes, the day nurse mentioned you often see things nobody
else does. That usually means it's time for your nap. Have
you had your special sleepy-time "warm milk" yet? |
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Is it that time already ? Are their any biscuits, the nice ones with the bits of chocolate in them ? What do you mean, damp slippers again ? Oh .... oh dear. |
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If "flog" is backwards "golf", shouldn't "flog" be a cannon (or
similar launching apparatus) that fires golf balls at a player,
whose aim is to catch them with a golf club (preferably on a
tee, but that's for very advanced players)? |
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// a cannon (or similar launching apparatus) that fires golf balls at a player // |
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I should've guessed you had already gone in that general
direction... |
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Artillery golf might have its place, but you won't be able to
use the black powder version in vacuum. You'll need a
propellant with its own oxidizer. And it's a bit far from
simulating or even spoofing Shepherd's original swing. |
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// you won't be able to use the black powder version in vacuum. You'll need a propellant with its own oxidizer. // |
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Shame on you, [kdf], shame on you. |
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Black powder is composed (traditionally) of sulphur, charcoal, and ... potassium nitrate, an oxidising agent. |
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Anyone who's ever engaged in a life-and-death struggle with a Gorn should know that ... |
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Black powder will combust perfectly well - as far as it goes, it's pretty inefficient - in the absence of any external oxygen supply. |
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<Gratuitous and unnecessary pedantry> |
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And it isn't a true propellant, it's a deflagrant. |
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</Gratuitous and unnecessary pedantry> |
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<Notes that [kdf]'s obviously limited familiarity with Naughty Things That Go Bang may possibly be used with advantage, and files factoid away for future employment/> |
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"Thank you, I'm always happy to be corrected."
-Mr. Jonathan Teatime |
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Indeed, chemical explosives are not my bailiwick. There are
so many more... ah ... personal ... ways to fulfill a contract
up close, and for remote jobs I prefer directed energy
devices. |
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Getting back to the moon, as you just know they're gonna
go back and, once there, ought to have something more
interesting to do than drive little carts and collect rocks, if
a future astronaut in a more flexible spacesuit were to
smack a golf ball from a taller tee might it actually achieve
low lunar orbit? Vacuum = no swing resistance, so higher
swing speed, greater launch speed, lower gravity = greater
altitude. |
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“.. If a future astronaut in a more flexible
spacesuit were to smack a golf ball from a taller
tee might it actually achieve low lunar orbit?”
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That’s a good question! It’s the kind of thing Destin
Sandlin (smartervereyday) or Randall Munroe
(xkcd/what-if) might address. My hunch is no, but
I haven’t run the numbers. |
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(edit to add a moment later): Well, that was easy.
My hunch was right and the answer is still no.
Smarter Every Day *did* do a segment on hitting
golf
balls at ridiculous speeds (link). They break (so do
the clubs) if you
hit them too hard - well below what you need for
lunar orbit. |
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(and even later) XKCD-WhatIf did a relevant piece
also - golf and orbital mechanics (link). A
somewhat different topic but mentions the fastest
anyone ever hit a golfball was 237 mph. |
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By contrast, the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter
orbits the moon at a little under 3600 mph. |
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So, for orbit golf, what you need is an asteroid. |
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Glad that's settled - and anyway, Saint-Exupéry's Petit Prince
could do with the company. |
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See the problem with this is that a whip breaking the speed of sound on the moon would make no satisfying CRACK noise. |
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// a whip ... would make no satisfying CRACK noise. // |
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"In space, no-one can hear you scream ..." |
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Disappointment for sadists and masochists alike (allegedly). |
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It might be gravity's only purpose when you really think about it.
Falling trees making sound if something is around to hear them. |
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After finding that Smarter Every Day golf ball
thing, I came
across a follow-up video ... scaled up for a
baseball. Linked
for all those who like explodey things. |
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//a whip breaking the speed of sound on the moon// |
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There isn't a speed of sound on the moon. In it, yes. But
rock is a difficult substance to swing a whip around in. |
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//But rock is a difficult substance to swing a whip around in.// |
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Solid rock does not ring like a bell when struck.
There may be enough room inside the Moon to swing quite some number of dead cats without bothering a neighbour. |
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"There may be enough room inside the Moon to swing quite
some number of dead cats without bothering a neighbour."
-2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 11 2020 |
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But offering endless amusement for 8th. Perhaps we could
chip in to buy him a hollowed out planetoid, and send him
there. At least sell him a time-share. |
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Not entirely "endless" but pretty good. |
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Small but very important point; there is little or no enjoyment to be obtained from swinging a dead cat, even in a confined space. |
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For optimal entertainment, the activity is executed* using a live cat, and a "room" carefully chosen such that some portions of the perimeter are an interference fit with the radius of gyration of said cat, resulting in intermittent thumps and yowling. |
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Eventually, however, there's just the thumping. This indicates that it's time to get another cat. |
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*That verb was selected with particular care. |
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Then we don't really need to hollow out a planetoid for you.
May I interest you in a surplus MOL (link)? It's just the right
size. Admittedly, all I can get my hands on for you is one of
the mockups - but I'm sure you have a launch vehicle in the
garage and won't worry overmuch about pressurization. Skip
down to the section of the spacesuits designed for those
flights - more flexible, perfect for physical activity. Like
swinging a (soon to be) dead cat ... or playing a round of
Lunar Flog. |
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Going back to the gravity problem, perhaps you
could put the whole caboodle on a tall crane, and
drop it (at slightly less than free fall) while the shot
is made. |
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The dome would then be winched up while the next
player is lining up their shot. |
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Big spring on the bottom would assist with the return upwards. |
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Lemon, Pocmloc ... By the time you’ve got a drop
tower tall enough for that, you’ve got a space
elevator or tower such
as I suggested back on 9 September. |
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Which is not an original idea, many science fiction
authors have already suggested it. First that comes
to mind is Arthur C. Clarke - in “ 3001: The Final
Odyssey“ the early chapters take place on a space
elevator. It’s a 36000KM tall tower with platforms
at various levels that experience different g
constants. Useful for sport as well as scientific
experiments and manufacturing processes. |
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How long does one golf hit take from hitting the ball with the bat, to the ball coming to rest? How high does the drop need to be to be falling at constant low G for that period of time? I reckon a fall of 1km would give you about 15 seconds at lunar gravity. The easiest way to retard the fall (to give lunar gravity rather than zero gravity whilst free-falling) would be to mount the device on a zero-friction sloping track. This could easily be built up a cliff or mountain or whatever. The track could even curve to maintain a constant acceleration despite inevitable friction from air and track. But then there would have to be a compensation mechanism to keep the green level as the device rotates around the curving track. |
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Hire the Vomit Comet (q.v.) and put the "player" in the environment suit as described - except the faceplate is an augmented reality projection. |
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All the projection allows the player to see is their own body, the club, and the ball (a real ball, tethered, containing sensors) - the rest of what the palyer sees is a simulated moonscape*/starfield. |
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The aircraft executes a dive, simulating freefall; when the green lamp illuminates, the shot is played. The computer system then extrapolates the path of the ball as if it were on the moon, and displays this to the player. |
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Et viola; a practical "Flog" simulation. |
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*Images of Milton Keynes could be substituted but are considered rather more desolate and unattractive than the Moon. |
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