Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Mystery box of outrage

Mystery boxes you send to your nearest and dearest
  [vote for,

I've noticed how people can fly off the handle at any moment these days. This can be problematic if some kind of event is planned and a powder keg is brewing.

"Problem solved ! With our new mystery boxes of outrage you just need to give your special person a mystery box of suitable value. Then just take the optional brown envelope and stand well back."

Firstly all of our boxes are sold at 25% of the value marked in big lettering on the box. The actual value of the contents is roughly 10-15% of the cover price. When the initial disappointment hits home, you can tell that special someone that "a friend / work was handing them out for next to nothing so you got a couple.

When they start to look at the assorted collection of crap^h^h^h^h novelty items, they begin to release its the lowest quality possible with annoying mistranslations. At least half the contents are bigoted and suggestive in some way, like small self help books "So you're gay ..." "Top 10 diets" "Careers for women" etc.

The icing on the cake is a card at the bottom which lists the expected contents. It is deliberately wrong, listing 2 non-existing items - one moderately expensive and one of a matching pair of some crap.

At this point you might want to open the envelope to start you supportive slide show -

"I don't know where they got that rubbish"
"Yes, I know !"
"How very dare they!"
"Oh, I know."
"Oh, I know."

10 minutes later and much steam blown off you can now resume your planned itinerary.

bigsleep, Mar 15 2018


       // a powder keg is brewing //   

       Brewing involves large amounts of boiling water, whereas a powder keg will be totally ruined if exposed to damp.   

       <grinding of teeth, much head-shaking/>
8th of 7, Mar 15 2018

       A powder keg is fomenting...   

       Pots brew...   

       Storms burn...
RayfordSteele, Mar 15 2018

       I think one of the remarkable properties of powder kegs is that they do nothing whatsoever until such time as they do something whatsoever.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2018

       [bigs], do you want to go offstage and then come in again with some decent metaphors ? We'll wait ....
8th of 7, Mar 15 2018

       The idea, if not self-explanatory, is self-descriptive. I never thought I'd see [8th], [Ray] and [MB] fall into the same elephant trap. Who's for a refresher course in smug ironism? [+]
pertinax, Mar 15 2018

       The thing about falling into elephant traps is that it's OK as long as the elephant has fallen in first.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2018

       The ball has been down this mixaphore court before, and it’s not a level playing field by any means.
RayfordSteele, Mar 15 2018

       //the elephant has fallen in first// Are you insinuating that [8th] is wrinkly, intelligent and at risk from habitat loss?
pertinax, Mar 15 2018

       Prior art ... search "Bobcat in a Box".
normzone, Mar 15 2018


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